For the record, I see you there. I see you with your pint of ice cream, your box of Kleenex and your sappy music playing in the background. I see you watching The Notebook over and over again, reminding yourself that real love never dies. And I see you scouring the Internet, looking for answers and ways to win your ex boyfriend back. Admit it, right now your Google search box looks a little something like this:
Is it possible to get my ex boyfriend back?
How to get my ex boyfriend back fast?
How can I get him back?
I see you, and I am here to tell you right now that it is time to stop. Stop moping and stop searching; I have your answers. I am
going to tell you how to win him back after a breakup.
But first, you have to pull yourself together.
So deep breaths ladies. Time to put your big-girl panties on and take action. Put the ice cream away, shut off The Notebook and pay attention. You can win him back, but happily ever after is going to take some work on your part first.
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Give it Some Space
I want you to do me a favor. Think back on the last 24 hours, the time that precipitated your mad Google search for how to get him back after a breakup. What has your state of mind been like? What have you been feeling? Thinking? Doing?
My best bet is that you have been a bit all over the place. A little chaotic and hypersensitive to just about everything. Desperate to get him back and clueless about how to accomplish that.
How close am I?
I don’t want you to feel bad. This is all normal, including the panicked thoughts about how to win back your ex boyfriend. Once, after a particularly bad breakup, I spent an entire week in my apartment with the blinds closed and the phone unplugged. I cried for days on end and ate nothing but wheat thins and cream cheese while I plotted out text messages that I was sure would be integral in getting him back.
The picture of stability and strength, right?
We’ve all been there. It is a post-breakup haze that can drown out all reasonability; a voice in your head telling you to text your ex at 3 in the morning to tell him how much you miss him, because surely that is how to win him back.
Ignore that voice, it’s the devil.
OK, so that may be a bit dramatic. But that voice really is up to no good; it is the beaten down and broken-hearted part of you that simply isn’t capable of thinking clearly. And if you truly want to know how to win your ex boyfriend back, you have drown out that voice.
In fact, that voice is precisely why you need to give your ex a bit of breathing room after a breakup. You have to get your head on straight first if you want to get your man back.
You need to kick the desperation and your ex needs to have some time and space to start missing you.
So the first step to getting back together after a breakup is to institute a bit of radio silence. We refer to this as the No Contact Rule 30 to 60 days where you avoid contact with your ex at all costs.
It may sound impossible at first, but this time is essential to healing and moving forward.
So take his number out of your phone, resist the urge to e-mail him and stay away from the places where you know a run-in might otherwise be possible. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary if you want to know how to get your boyfriend back after a break up.
Just remember that it won’t be forever, and when you do get back in touch; those fireworks will have been given a chance to spark again.
Live it Up
So what are you supposed to do during the weeks when contact is off limits? Well, the answer is simple – you love your life.
I mean it. While the urge may be to hole up at home and avoid the world scheming about ways to get him back, that is the last thing you should be doing. Word spreads quickly though social circles and if you turn yourself into a hermit post-breakup, your ex will surely hear about what a recluse you have become.
And he will assume it is because you are so broken-hearted over your breakup that you just can’t pull yourself out of bed.
You don’t want him thinking that, even if it is true. In fact, what you really want is for your ex to think you have moved on with ease… Not that you are constantly battling “I want him back” thoughts. You want him to believe that getting over what you two had has really been no big deal at all.
It may not be true. Heck, it may not even be plausible. But this is how you start to get into his head; it is how you speak to his ego and leave him questioning his importance in your life. The best way to get your ex boyfriend back is to make him think getting back together is the last thing on your mind.
Which will make him want you more.
Believe it or not, that is also how you begin to heal. Because as cathartic as a little isolation may sound, it really just winds up making you feel depressed for longer. Instead, call up your friends and plan a girl’s night. Propose a weekend getaway. Dance your heart out and say “yes” to every invitation that is extended your way.
Get out of the house and live your life.
Before you know it, that smile you have been faking will actually start to feel real.
Improve on You
Do you know what everyone dreams about after a breakup, whether they want their ex back or not? They dream about that first run-in – the moment when someone either wins or loses.
Because yes, there are always winners and losers in a breakup.
Do you know how you win?
By radiating awesomeness.
Look, you were fantastic while the two of you were together. You’re an incredible person to begin with. But, there isn’t much better than running into an ex when you are at the top of your game.
If you want to know how to win someone after a breakup, now is the time to get at the top of your game.
Relationships have a way of sucking every free second out of our lives. But breakups? Those are a time for reinvention, self-reflection and becoming an even better version of you.
So take full advantage of this time. Start chasing some dreams you have put on the back burner as of late. Get back to the gym. Splurge on a new wardrobe and a visit to your favorite hair stylist. Take care of you and focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
The girl who will undoubtedly win the next time she sees her ex.
So you have made it through the no contact period and have been living it up and taking incredible care of yourself – congratulations! Now you finally get to confront your ex with what he let go of.
You have to be careful about how you do this though. You don’t want to just show up on his doorstep or start stalking his work. No, you want that first run-in to seem completely coincidental. Knowing how to win a guy back often involves the ability to be a bit covert.
In a perfect world, you would be able to show up at a party thrown by mutual friends and catch your ex’s eye from across the room. Those occasions don’t always present themselves though, so you may need to get a bit more creative. I once went to the same bar for happy hour 5 nights in a row, knowing it was a favorite spot of my ex’s and that he would eventually show up.
The bonus was that I got some quality time with friends while we waited for his appearance.
When he finally did show, I looked incredible and had my head held high. Because I had been waiting for him, I was able to remain confident and interact with him with ease. And because he hadn’t been expecting to see him, he was caught off guard and clearly shocked by how good I seemed to be doing.
Needless to say, we were back together within 2 weeks.
You can do the same; you just may need to do a little recon to figure out where he is most likely to be in the few weeks. Remember, you don’t want anything to appear too obvious. This should be an accidentally-on-purpose encounter that leaves him desperate for more.
If you’re not ready to meet your ex in person, I totally understand. Those emotions can unexpectedly rush back and make you freeze up. What I would recommend is to take it slow and establish a new connection with your ex through text messaging.
Keep the messages casual and simple and see how he responds. It’s more private and you’ll be in full control at your own comfort.
Keep it Casual
No matter how great it is to see him, you want to keep a cool head and avoid begging for another chance. Talk to him for a few minutes and then find yourself a reason to excuse yourself. Do this all with a smile on your face and a sincere warmth in your attitude – but don’t be afraid of making it clear that you’ve got other things to do and people to see.
In all likelihood, you will hear from him in the days following your run-in. But if, on the off chance, you don’t – you can shoot him a text after a few days. Keep it short and simple, something like:
“It was great to see you the other night. Would love to catch up over drinks sometime if you have a chance.”
His curiosity will prevent him from saying “no” and getting that one-on-one time will present the opportunity to further show him how well you are doing.
But no matter what, you need to keep things casual on your end. Don’t chase, don’t beg, and don’t elude to a yearning for the past. You need to keep him guessing, wondering what your motivations are in wanting to see him.
He is going to go into this assuming that you want him back, so if you can keep a friendly tone to the entire encounter – you will leave him wondering why you don’t want him back.
And from there, his ego will convince him to chase.
Let Him Chase
That’s the thing about men; they don’t like to feel as though they are so easy to get over. And if you are willing to sit across a table from him with nothing but the friendliest of intentions, he is going to feel suddenly driven to get you back.
Let him go with that.
Seriously, you deserve to be chased. Flirt, smile and welcome his advances – but don’t give into them too easily. You want him to think that you really did just want to be friends; he should push the rest.
Trust me, he will push. Because suddenly, you have shown him just what a catch he let go of.
And just like that, you will have won him back… and you will have looked damn good doing it!
Follow A Proven Blueprint To Win Him Back
Of course, sometimes men need a little extra convincing to realize what they had. If he isn’t exactly crawling at your feet and begging for a second chance just yet, check out our review of the Text Your Ex Back system for even more advice on winning him back in style!
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