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The No Contact Rule: How To Painlessly Get Through 30 Days

Quote: You should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole. Image of woman lying on bed with legs against the wall.

UPDATE: Since publishing this post, a lot of our readers have asked me for a step-by-step guide to the No Contact Rule that gets them out of damage control mode.

The most effective guide that I can recommend is the Active No Contact technique from the Ex Solution Program which focuses on emotional control and bringing yourself to your ex in a new way.

You want to use these 30 days to create a new you that will inspire him to open up and connect with you more.

Read more about the Active No Contact technique in the Ex Solution Program review.

I have bad news for you ladies. When it comes to relationship reconciliations, more often than not, you are your own worst enemies. Which is why using the No Contact Rule to get your ex back may be your only hope.

Here’s the thing: when a breakup goes down, even the most confident women have the potential of spiraling out, particularly if they were the dumpee rather than the dumper.

There is something engrained in our psyches that kicks desperation into high gear when a relationship ends that we weren’t ready to say goodbye to. And that desperation leads us to do stupid things… I like to call it Redemption Desperation.

It is what makes using the No Contact Rule so essential. If this is going to work, you have to first remove yourself from the situation.

If you can’t fight Redemption Desperation on your own, the Ex Solution Program is a great guide to help you go through this period.

It was tough for me too. I will never forget the first time I succumbed to Redemption Desperation myself. It was a guy I wasn’t even all that into, but when he dumped me? Suddenly I needed him back. My pride depended on it. Ironically, it was that pride I sacrificed when I pushed way too hard for another chance. I didn’t get that chance, but I did learn a valuable lesson: implementing no contact to get him back.

So I am going to need all you ladies out there to take a deep breath and put your big girl panties on – because if you truly want your former flame back, you are going to have to chuck the Redemption Desperation and embrace the No Contact Rule after a breakup.

Will no contact bring him back? Well, it’s part of the equation for sure. And it is also a necessary component of finding yourself in this breakup.

But we’ll get to that.

Wait… What Exactly Do You Mean By “No Contact”?

Quote: Don't let happiness be controlled by something you can't control. Image of a woman jumping to form a heart shape on the beach.

Using the No Contact Rule after a breakup to get him back means just that – no contact. You don’t pick up the phone to text your ex, or tentatively make plans to meet up for lunch. You don’t show up at this guy’s favorite coffee spot or bang down his door for a late night bootie call. You don’t contact your ex boyfriend. Period. And if he contacts you?

Well, you play that cool too.

Look, in most cases you don’t want to be flat-out ignoring your ex if he is picking up the phone and dialing your number, but you also don’t want to cave every time he decides he might just miss you either. Because the problem with giving in to his wishy-washy behavior is that you reinforce for this man you used date the fact that you will always be there. And if he thinks that, your ex has no reason to want you back – after all, he can change his mind at any time.

You are better then that, I promise. And you deserve to have your former flame pining away at your feet, not keeping you on a leash as just another option.

You have to stick to it even if he seems to be regretting the breakup himself. The good news is – his regret means the No Contact Rule is working, but it doesn’t mean your work is done.

So avoid seeing him face to face at all costs during the no contact phase. If your ex seems anxious to see you in person, put him off.

  • You're busy
  • You have plans
  • Work is crazy
  • School is out of control.
  • You're actually planning an impromptu trip with friends - sorry!

I don’t care what your excuse is, just so long as you have one. Because he is not in control here, you are. And the sooner you both recognize that, the better your chances of getting him back are.

The No Contact Rule works. But you have to commit to it fully.

Ex Solution Program - Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

What If We Work Together?

Of course, sometimes there are occasions where you can’t completely avoid interaction. Maybe you are taking a class together or are co-workers in the same building. When contact is unavoidable, you don’t want to be running away from your ex every time you spy each other in the hall. But don’t run into his arms either.

Keep it professional. Calm, cool and collected. If you must see each other, at least maintain some emotional distance. The whole point of the no contact rule is to prove to him and yourself that you don’t need him.

No matter how strong that Redemption Desperation may be trying to convince you otherwise.

I Don’t Understand. Doesn’t He Need to See Me to Want Me Back?

Quote: If he misses you, he'll call. If not, he can't be worth your time. Image of woman lying on the hood of a car looking relaxed and happy.

Listen ladies, I’ve been there. And I get how counterintuitive this advice may seem. You want to see your ex. You miss him and truly believe time around you will make him miss you too. But I need you to wake up and realize it doesn’t work like that.

When a relationship ends, there is a push-pull dynamic that is automatically created in its wake. The more pushing you do, the more pulling away your old love will do in return. So no, seeing you is not the way to get back into your ex boyfriend’s heart. But getting on the winning side of that push-pull dynamic is.

If you just step back and do your own thing, proving that you don’t actually need him and that you will be just fine if he decides to stay away – well, then the power miraculously winds up back in your court. The beauty is that in faking it to make it, you begin to remember just how worthy you are. And as your confidence grows and that distances increases – he starts to panic about what he may have thrown away.

Men need to be needed. They are cookie-cutter providers in that way. So the No Contact Rule taps into something primal for them.

If you aren’t caving to the Redemption Desperation, perhaps they weren’t as big a component of your life as they thought they were? Maybe you didn’t need them after all? And then what? Did you ever even care in the first place?

Guess what? You just ignited the Redemption Desperation within your ex. Because if you never needed him and could just so easily move on – well, now he has to get you back in order to prove his own worth in your life.

Game. Set. Match.

Fine, I’ll Try The No Contact Rule. How Long is This Supposed to Last?

There are a few schools of thought on this, but the exact length of time to implement the No Contact Rule has a lot to do with how messy your breakup was.

If you avoided falling apart and managed to keep your cool when he ended things, the 30-Day No Contact Rule may be enough to affect the change of heart you are looking for. It is just enough distance to allow your ex boyfriend to start missing you and to give you the opportunity to rediscover all you have to offer.

But you have to stick to it diligently. Thirty Days. No Contact. Go!

Now, if the breakup was a bit more complicated, or if you have succumbed to a few drunken texts or calls along the way since – you need to commit to the 60-Day No Contact Rule. You basically have to allow for more time to erase the damage done by your Redemption Desperation.

Two months may seem like forever, but this is truly the time period necessary to reset that push-pull dynamic and to give you a leg up in winning your ex back. You have to give your former flame some distance from the behavior that caused him to end things in the first place.

After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And in 60-days – you can do a whole lot of work on yourself as well.

Which might just be the most important aspect of the No Contact Rule.

Fighting Redemption Desperation

Quote: Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely. Image of a romantic couple hugging on a cliff by the ocean.

Avoiding the urge to call isn’t easy, I’m going to give you that. Redemption Desperation can be a powerful force, and when you are sitting alone late at night contemplating all the things you wish you had said or done – that desire to redeem yourself can become overpowering. Particularly if you have had a few drinks.

So start by limiting the alcohol during your period of no contact with your ex boyfriend. You need a clear head to remain strong.

Of course, there is more than just alcohol that can inhibit your strength. Hours spent stalking your former boyfriends Facebook page or sifting through old photos of the two of you will hurt you every time. Anything that reminds you of your ex is a potential trigger for Redemption Desperation, so don’t give into those urges.

Tuck the photos away, avoid the computer if you must and make a concerted effort to remove reminders of your ex from your life during this period of self reflection.

You will need that separation to focus on the truly important self-work you should be doing during this stage.

Does the no contact rule work? Absolutely! But no contact is only half the battle. The rest is about taking care of you while that distance is being enforced.

ESP Banner: Is your ex giving you these 5 secret signs they want you back?

It may sound cliché, but now is the time to rediscover that girl your ex fell for in the first place. The one who was vibrant and exciting; the girl who had so much to offer. How long have you been in this relationship? And how much of yourself have you let go of in the process of trying to hold on to him?

No more! Take this time to find that girl you were before this man entered and exited your life. Because you know what? You are actually pretty awesome!

Pursue some passions you haven’t had time for in a while. Train for that half marathon you have always talked about wanting to run. Sign up for that art class you have always wanted to take. Join a co-ed softball team or start a book club or plan an epic trip with your girl friends.

It doesn’t matter what you are doing, just so long as you are doing something you wouldn’t necessarily have done while you were with the man from your past.

Make some positive changes in you, endeavoring to be a healthier and happier version of yourself. Embrace this brief period of freedom. The more you focus on you, the easier the Redemption Desperation will be to avoid and the greater the likelihood that your ex will be begging for another chance by the time this is all said and done.

After all, the best revenge is living a good life.

If you really want your ex back, you have to nurture that girl you once were first; remembering to never throw her to the wayside again.

Oh No! I Broke the No Contact Rule!

Quote: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again. Image of woman lying in bed and hugging a pillow over her face.

You thought you were doing so well. Two weeks in, no contact and going strong. But then, you had a girl’s night out. And perhaps one too many shots. You convinced yourself that just one text couldn’t hurt. I mean, you care about him and you just wanted to see how he was doing.

Totally normal, right? One text can’t possibly hurt.

Except, it does. Remember that push-pull dynamic we already talked about? Well, breaking the silence puts you on the wrong end of that dynamic and gives the power back to your ex. It puts you right back at square one. Which means, unfortunately, you have to start over from scratch.

Day one of the No Contact Rule.

Look, nobody wants to hear that they threw all that progress in the garbage, but in this case – you threw all that progress in the garbage. By making contact, you reminded your ex that you are still around, still missing him and still available if he changes his mind. You didn’t even give him the chance to start missing you in return. You basically started a diet, and then decided to give up and binge on a box of donuts only halfway to your goal.

The good news is, you haven’t completely blown your chances. The bad news is, you have to suck it up and accept the consequences of your error. So stand up, dust your ass off and start over.

You can do it. Just remember – this is you time. Push him to the background and focus on you from start to finish. Your ex boyfriend will still be there when the no contact period is over, and if you’ve done everything right – he will be dying to see you.

Knowing When and How to Ease Back In

Just so that we are clear, under no circumstances should you cut the no contact period short. But if you have remained committed to your original goal, the time will come for breaking the no contact rule.

But how do you do that and still maintain the ground you have gained?

Your best bet is always going to be an orchestrated run-in. This allows you to still come off as easy breezy about your split, while keeping the cards in your hands. So rather than picking up the phone as soon as your no contact period is over, take some time to plan something a little more covert.

Maybe there is a party being thrown by a mutual friend in just a few weeks, or an event coming up that you have both attended in the past. If you already have a perfectly scheduled opening on the books, extend your no contact period out just a bit longer and let that social outing be your first face to face.

If nothing is coming up that would serve as a perfect run-in event, however, then orchestrate your own. Now you can start frequenting your former flame's favorite coffee shop, bar or book store. You might even want to check his social network profiles now to see if you can get an idea of where your ex will be in the coming weeks. But whatever you do, make that run-in seem totally coincidental.

And, of course, remember all the amazing things you have discovered about yourself in this period of no contact. Because it wasn’t just about separating yourself from him, it was also about reconnecting with the incredible girl that you are. The kind of girl no man should be able to resist.

Be strong. Be confident. Be stunning.

The poor guy won’t even know what hit him.

P.S. Don't skip the No Contact Rule. If you truly want your ex boyfriend back, this is the time to heal your emotional wounds and rebuild yourself to better connect with your ex boyfriend.

The easiest way is to follow the Active No Contact technique in the Ex Solution Program that teaches you to go through the NC rule the right way.

Click here to learn more about the Active No Contact technique.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 95 comments
raylene burley - a couple of years ago

Hi, so I have been dating a guy for 11 months. We got along so great at first. Then he started to drink a lot. He was 20. I come from a background of bad drinking in the family. And he cheated in his last girlfriend while drinking. So it constantly caused fights. He promised he would stop but he would go do it again a little behind my back. And wouldn’t tell me. Then I found out he was chewing. It caused a bad break up and we got back together a few days later. We were doing so good. But for some reason I hounded him about his money and where he spent. Going to get a new job. Going to school. Him drinking energy drinks and pop. Moving out. Chewing. Drinking. I nagged all the time. And I don’t know why. I hate it! I’m so worried about my future and his health. I wish I didn’t care as much. But he broke up with me and said he was done forever with me. It was too much of a struggle. He made a new Facebook. He blocked me from the old one and Snapchat. And he told me to stop talking to him because it was too stressful on him and it was already hard enough. He said he loves me and cares and misses me but it will NEVER work out. And he told my brother to tell me to not talk to him. We got along so good and I was so happy. I love him more than anything. I’m so depressed and sad and not eating. I want him back so bad and I don’t know what to do. Everything was perfect. But I messed up. He just wants to be a young 21 year old and I was letting him. I put too much stress on. But I am changing. Im looking at where I went wrong and I wish I was able to show him I want to be better and make it work. Help me. 🙁

Reply
    Charice - last year

    Based on this, a lot of the issues are due to your ex’s bad habits. You’re showing that you cared but perhaps you nagged too much that it annoys him. You either accept him for who he is or find a better man to be with. The only way you can change him is if he experiences an intense emotional attraction from you and would be willing to change in exchange of not losing you. At the moment, he’s just being a guy.

    Reply
Ashley - last year

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half and we were extremely close and did most things together. We are both 18 and in our senior year of high school. A month ago he randomly told me he wanted a break for a week to just have some space and figure things out. When that was over he broke up with me out of the blue after promising everything was fine. After that I begged and pleaded for him back for almost a week and we stopped talking for a few days and then he decided to give it another shot. We were back together for 2 weeks and he was extremely distant and was emotionally absent. So of course I tried to make up for his slack my being overly affectionate. Which pushed him away and then we just broke up again mutually Friday night. But then I realized I couldn’t let him go and that I need him in my life because I truly believe he IS the ONE!! He agreed to meet up and talk about things and I pleaded and begged for him back and he said he needed to think about things. That night and the next day I sent multiple messages telling him how much I love and need him in my life(which I’m not proud of) and he told me that he just needs space and that we can talk about all this again in 3 weeks after spring break. I texted him making a plan for when and where to meet so we don’t have to talk until that time when we see eachother, but he won’t reply. And that’s EXTREMLY unlike him!! Is there any hope for us? he thinks a relationship is too much of a commitment and that he still loves me and would want to be with me if he was ready for a relationship. Will the no contact still work!? He’s very stubborn!! How do I reverse the damage I’ve done!? HELP!!

Reply
    Charice - last year

    Give him the space and time he needs. Don’t send any more texts or contact him at all. The more you reach out to him, the more he’ll pull away. He’ll just see you as needy, desperate, and always available. He’ll also notice all this drama you’re giving him and just turn away.

    Give him a chance to miss you by ignoring him. He needs to realize what he’s lost before he can appreciate your affection. All the things you’re doing now isn’t helping your case. He’s emotionally unavailable and has other things to focus on at the moment. If you are always presenting yourself available to him, he’ll feel like he has all the time in the world to get back to you.

    Reply
      Laura - last year

      Can you help me? My ex broke up with me but is now saying he wants me back. What do I do?

      Reply
        Charice - last year

        You can reach me through my About Me page or through my newsletter series.

        Reply
christine - last year

I am in no contact for 5 days…. and he has not contacted me yet. I saw from his instagram he posted “clear your mind and moved on” what if he totally forgets about me?
i am feeling miserable

Reply
    Charice - last year

    The first two weeks is usually tough. It’s best for you to find something to distract yourself from counting down the days and thinking about your ex. In fact, those are the 2 things you shouldn’t be doing during this period. The goal of No Contact is to give yourself time and space to focus on you. Forget what he’s doing, it’s not going to help you at all. It’s going to hurt more. You need to pick yourself up, get on with your life. He’s not going to forget about you. If he thinks you’re moving on, he might actually decide to pull you back. Especially after seeing you in a new light.

    Reply
    Anonymous - 8 months ago

    Trust me, he won’t. I did NC and after 3 days I got messages, then I gave in and had to start over. It’s been a week and again, I got 2 messages from him! And my guy is as stubborn as anything. It works hun, just stay positive!! He won’t forget about you, I promise.

    I also took the time to focus on me, I lost 6 pounds and slowly becoming the fun, outgoing girl I was when we first met.

    Don’t give up, you can do this!

    Reply
Carla - last year

My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me saying he wants time alone, and doesn’t want another girl, but I found out he’s been hang out with another girl the day after we broke up, I’m trying the no contact rule but im afraid that during it he is not going to miss me or he’ll forget about me because of this new girl even though he says he’s still in love with me.

Reply
    Charice - last year

    Don’t worry about your ex and his rebound relationship. You should focus on yourself and improving your attraction and desirability. Once you have the utmost confidence, just reach out to him. Who wouldn’t want attention from a confident and attractive woman?

    Reply
      Echo - 9 months ago

      It’s gonna be OK I hope everything goes well for you

      Reply
Chiamaka - last year

I dated my exboyfriend for 1 year and 10months and it was an open courtship where the two families know we are courting,everybody knows that we are courting even our church members,My exboyfriend broke up with me because he said he is not financially responsible and he told me not to let anybody know we are no more together that I should behave as if nothing happened but I couldn’t endured it. I messed up all my chances of getting back with my ex boyfriend during the first month of break up ,so he told me that am pushing him because I told him that since he hurt me without looking back that I will hurt him without thinking twice,I stalked him on Facebook and always reminded how he hurt me and how he dumped me after 2years of relationship and my 5 children he aborted, he delete me in all his social networks,after some weeks my girlfriend sent him AA message telling him how wicked he is by abandoning a girl that aborted for him several times and he replied the girl with his own insult,and later sent the girl apology message that he regretted everything he said.after two weeks,I sent him a message that he is the worst guy I ever met,that he deceived me in the name of love,after begging,crying naked for two days in his prescence that very soon the guilty of what he did to me and my family will becloud him,so he sent me a messsage asking if the message was for him that he was thinking why I sent it to him,I told him it was a mistake that I wanted sending it to someone.though he told one of our friends how good am to him that he has never met a girl like me that understands him,that he doesn’t want to tie me down in the name of loving him that if things change financially by august September that he has no other choice than to come back to me and surprise me.that if its God’s will that we will still come back together.please do I have a chance of getting him back?

Reply
Chiamaka - last year

Though the relationship passed so many storms and with so many sacrifices but we have so many sweet memories that people take us like brother and sister,we are bestfriends that people envy our relationship so much,that he was crying the day he was telling me its over that whenever he saw the picture we snapped together he hanged in his room,he used to cry aand everybody is expecting us to be together after the storms and trials we passed through,please how can I get him back?

Reply
Danielle D. - last year

Hi,

My ex boyfriend and I were on and off for 3 years. We met at work and he told me it was his first time talking to anyone at work. Within 2 months another female began getting jealous and he finally admitted he’d slept with her but didn’t count “talking” to her since it was a dating scenario. Months into the relationship when I would visit his home I would see condom wrappers in his room and I knew then I should leave but I thought it was something that he wouldn’t do again and stayed. Other things such as flirting with females at work happened consistently. He denied flirting just saying it was his personality. Fast forward to the last incident that took me over the edge is he got us into a bad car accident. He’d been drinking and we were almost home and he decided he wanted to speed on a narrow road – we ran into a tree. My shoulder is now torn and his car was toddled. He ended up going to jail for a DUI since he refused to blow. I walked up the street to get his brother and was taken to the hospital. That night I was in his room I saw another condom wrapper and his work cell phone. I saw text exchange between him and another female. I called the number and she informed she was an escort if that made it better.

After all of this for whatever reason I thought I could get past it but I never did. I would randomly get upset and he finally said we needed to take a break. I never took a break I continued to argue with him daily and eventually it started to effect me mentally. To the point I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in the world. I also gave him a piece of my mind and thought about telling his job he was texting an escort on the company cell(I no longer work with him). I wanted us to work out, I wanted him to see that I was loyal despite his wrong toward me but he felt that buying me things was an apology but it was not good enough.

All I want is him to do is recognize that I was loyal and the reason we had so many issues was due to his deception. He said we would never be together since I’ve went crazy on him about the things he did including sending his mom a Facebook message about all of this. It’s been a week since we last spoke. Within the last 2 months of the madness after the breakup I was initiating all of the contact. I thought since he was older than me it would be different…he is 36.

Reply
    Charice - last year

    You should cut off all contact with him right away. There’s really no point in trying to prove your loyalty to him. In fact, by cutting off all contact, he’ll start to realize what he’s lost and appreciate you. If he doesn’t, it’s his lost and you’re better off without him. Give him the time and space to let him work on his issues.

    Reply
joanne - last year

Sorry and appreciate your help

i am in NC for 4th day ….just started only#

But on the 8th day*** is our 2nd year anniversary … yearly anniversary

Should i contact him on the day before and ask him out for our anniversary ???????

Reply
    Charice - last year

    No, there’s no need to remind him of the anniversary. The idea behind NC is to forget your previous relationship.

    Reply
heather - last year

Me and my ex broke up 5 days ago. we were together for almost 3 years. together all the time. got along great actually, the fighting was at a minimum. we got our 2nd apt together at the end of last month. out of no where basically he breaks it off with me and at the time I was in a state of shock and acting like a very desperate needy person. sending him paragraphs of texts, and when he was gone and I was getting my things out of the apt I left a letter for him in the bathroom basically telling him that I’ll always be there. this whole time he’s been sending me mixed signals, he says he is not “in” love with me anymore, but still cares and is nice to me. today I told him I got him a father’s day card (I work at a greeting card place and we had 2 dogs together, I have the boy he has the girl and they were very close.) I told him I didn’t want to bring it to his house because I didn’t want to meet the “new girl” (rebound) and all he said after thankyou was okay. all these mixed signals, all the emotions I had the first 3 days, I feel like I really ruined my chances. just a month ago we were talking about getting married. now all of this? I can’t help but feel like it was all me. until he admitted to cheating on me on new years eve. I was upset, distraught, emotional. but I’m not wanting to let go of something I worked so hard for and have waited for so long. we’ve had small conversations the last 5 days. the first 2 days like I said I was very needy. do I have hope?

Reply
    Charice - last year

    It sounds like your ex is just not ready to commit and decides to pull away. He’s emotionally unavailable. He’s not ready to settle down and give up his freedom. For sure the marriage talks and your neediness has triggered him to walk away from the relationship. What you should do now is just give him time and space. Let him realize what he’s missing out when you’re not there. In the meantime, work on controlling your neediness and boosting your confidence.

    Reply
joanne - last year

thank you your help charice all the time .

can you tell me how guys feel if i return all the gifts to them without seeing them ?

should i return the gifts without saying anything ?

or should i return the gifts with some hand writen letters ? telling him i hope to get back together .

really need your help

Reply
    Charice - last year

    You could ask him family member to pass it on to him or use postal service and mail to him. You could leave it at his doorstep if it’s safe to do that. It’s nice to leave a letter to explain what your plans are. Most importantly, apologize for your mistakes and thank him for always being there for him. But keep it short and sweet. You don’t want to come across weak and emotional. Be strong and thankful.

    Reply
Natalie - last year

Hi, please I need help!

My boyfriend of 5 months brone up with me when everything looked like it was going well. He wanted a baby all the time, he plannes that we was going to buy a house together next year. When he broke up he did it on the phone saying we were too different people and after i kept asking and begging to try and workout he said no! And then he said he didn’t love me. He was probably honest even though everything he did and said during those 5 months showed something different. I met his family here and he also took me to his country on holidays and met the rest of his family there. They all loved me and they didn’t understand why he was doing this to me. They all thought he was happy. Just to confirm that he is 30 and I’m 25, so we are not kids.

Anyway after he broke up I texted 3 days after, cried and he said he wanted us to be friends, he didn’t see me as a lover and he was really sorry for not telling me before. We agreed that we will be friends but he told me to move on which completely destroyed my heart. I then went online and read about how to get your ex back. I applied the no contact rule for 7 days until I again ruined it. This time I feel like I completely ruined all my chances if I ever had any. I messaged him saying if he could please delete my number and everything he had of me. And…. He said ok, and deleted my number. I said this because I was so upset as everytime I went on instagram even though he is not my friend, I could see that he posted pictures all the time and then will keep his instagram private then leave it not private. So it made me think that he was doing that on purpose for me to see his pictures.

I want to know if even though I ruined everything I still have chances of getting him back?! :'( he said to me when breaking up that I was an amazing girl and I deserved to be happy.

I wanted to give him time and I was hoping maybe he was going to realize that I was good and would try to talk to me but I ruined it.

I now want to know if I have any chance at all to get him back. Please….

During the relationship he seemed to love me and suddenly he broke up with me.
Please help me why did he deleted my number without even asking if I was ok? Or why I wanted him to dekete it?

It felt like he didn’t cared at all!

Reply
    Charice - last year

    What is the main reason you two broke up? You mentioned that your ex said he doesn’t see you “as a lover”. What does he mean by this? Determine what the main reason of your breakup and what you and your ex individually want.

    Reply
Amy - last year

I broke up with my ex 5 days ago. The break was mutual although I knew he was going to break up with me so I steered the ‘breakup talk’ that way. I would have preferred we stay together.

When we broke up he said over and over again he would like us to still be friends. Still go for lunch sometime. Still keep in touch.

We dated 5 months.

He is recently divorced and I think he just wants to sow his wild oats right now.

Another time we would have been a great match. We have a lot in common.

I’m wanting to implement 30 days no contact to a) I’d like to get him back so I’d like to make him miss me and realize what he has lost OR b) I’m ready for a long term relationship … if not him and if we’re not meant to be I’d like to get to a place where I can move on and find someone else

since breaking up he has reached out to me 2x via text to just say ‘hi’ or text about his day as if nothing has happened. Both times I waited a while (several hours) and responded politely and minimally.

He is already back on the dating site we met on (I saw this through my friends profile). I think he goes on a few dates and he will realize that he really did have a good thing with me. Or maybe not.

Two questions:
If he text messages me again should I respond like I have been or not respond at all?

Should I give it a week or two and join the dating site again as well? I wouldn’t mind going on a few dates while we are broken up AND if he is on there I would like him to see I can do the same thing and maybe evoke some jealousy if he still cares.

Thoughts?

Reply
    Charice - last year

    It won’t hurt to get on the dating site again. In fact, it would be beneficial for you to explore other options and boost your self confidence. Don’t do it go get your ex jealous. Do it for yourself. The jealously comes naturally once your ex knows you’re dating. If he texts you, it’s okay to reply back to him. Just don’t make yourself available to him when he asks. Act busy and go on with your life and priorities.

    Reply
Elizabeth - last year

Hi,
I am on day 18 of NC with my ex boyfriend of nine months. We were fighting all the time, he brokeup with me then wanted to work it out two days later and then we ended up hanging out again for two weeks and then I ended it again. He tried to treat it like I wasn’t serious and wanted to continue talking and I said “If there’s any hope for us in the future then we need to let each other go now. It’s different this time.” I also told him I had went on a date with someone else. Five days ago he deleted me off Facebook, Instagram, and SnapChat. Can you tell me what this means? Am I getting to him? Is he trying to get a rise out of me? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

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    Charice - last year

    He’s probably going through NC himself. Just give him the time and space he needs for now. No reason to get all fuss up about what he’s doing. Focus on yourself and enjoy the moments. He’ll reach out to you when he’s ready.

    Reply
Lucy - last year

I met my guy from the internet long years ago. After some years of silly contact, he proposed me a relationship, but he wanted some conditions that I didn’t agree, so we were only like friends, even he knowing I want relationship. During this time, he started a online relationship, it seemed he did it more to make me angry. Few months later he started his relationship, I decided to do what he wanted and we started a relationship, because he said that I was the one who he truly wanted, but asked me a time, so he can prepare his online girlfriend to break the relationship with her. Miserably, he was worried about breaking this girl feelings seriously, so he decided to act cold towards her so she could break the relationship by herself. He really acted cold towards her (I was spy and see 😉 )but instead this girl go away, she bought tickets and went to visit him. He said he couldn’t say no (he is a coward) so she just went and spend some days with him. After this visit, I realized that he became a bit different towards me. Even when he said nothing changed between us, I felt him different, I was very angry about this situation. After in one of our convedsations, he told me he has feelings also for her,but for me his feelings were stronger and it was with me that he wanted a relationship. He still kept going with the relationship with this girl and it made me bad. Later he told her about me and that he was goibg to visit me, she freaked out. We started to have a passionate relationship again when were doing plans about his visit and a serious relationship, but again she bought tickets and went to visit him and again a lot of disturb happened and I realized he stopped being so excited about visit me, but as he already had the tickets, he just came. Our relationship was miserable, he was still in relationship with this girl while he was here with me, we had a lot of intimany moments together and sometimes I really felt he had feelings for me, but even son he said he didn’t see a perspective of future for us etc. After he go back to his place, he said he want to try relationship with me again, he became very fond of my family etc. But the problem is that he is planning to visit this girl. He said he doesn’t have romantic feelings about her, but she is a very good person and he needs to go and break relationship in real (because he said this is correct way) and only after this, we can think about doing plans. He said that now we are jot in relationship because it is not fair and he just want to be free and don’t make me empty promisses, cause life can change etc, but now he wants to solve situation with this girl and come back to visit me. He talks aboht wedding etc, but I am very confused. If he really wants to try with me again, why he is going to her place and only wants to make plans with me after this? I told him it seems as if he just want to go and try a relationship in her place and in case it wont work, he will come to me. He was angry and said he was going only as a tourist and to solve things correctly, what can I do in this situation?

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    mille - 8 months ago

    i have a question. what if i didn’t contact him for 21 days and i wrote him a long guilt letter and sent him another short msg after a week. then another request msg after another week…should i still avoild contact with him for 30 days? as we haven’t seen each other for almost 40 days now. can i start using the text him back method or i still have to wait? thank you so much for answeing me ~~

    Reply
Jasmine - last year

Hi,
Can the no contact rule be used if we weren’t actually in a relationship? My situation was a friends with benefits situation for 4 months he ended up telling me he caught feelings for me and I felt the same way about him. He called me several times a day and we would talk on the phone a lot sometimes for hours. He shared deep personal things with me and really opened up to me and I did the same. I never really asked him if he was seeing anyone else I assumed if he was it wasn’t serious because he spent so much of his time with me so I wasn’t concerned,so I thought. Then just a couple of nights ago I stayed the night with him like I’ve done many times and someone called his phone at 2 in the morning and also texted him. The number wasn’t saved but I’m positive it had to be a woman. I couldn’t read the text message.He didn’t answer, so that morning I was upset so I left without saying bye. He blew my phone up and kept texting me asking what was wrong. I didn’t respond. He finally said “if you don’t want me calling you just say so I’m just trying to make sure your ok and safe”I texted back “I’m fine”. Then he told me to have a nice life and that he didn’t have time for games and that I didn’t have to call or text him anymore. He then deleted me from Facebook. I told him that I had no more time to waste on him and that I was upset he had a woman texting him so late and that I was moving on. He never responded after that and this all happened yesterday so today is my first day of no contact. Will the same rules apply since we weren’t actually a couple? What should I do? I miss him and want him to commit.

Reply
    Charice - last year

    Yes, it’s a great idea for you go into No Contact even if you weren’t in a relationship. But why is there so much drama when you two aren’t together?

    Reply
Claire - last year

Hey,

I have been in a LDR for 2 and a half years with my boo. He’s a lovely introvert, with a lot of drama in his life. His dad left him when he was 3, his mom told him the truth when he was 18, a lot of failed relationships with women who cheated and so on.
We had a lovely friendship and everything was completely amazing, I helped him pursuing his career ( job finding and everything ) and he became a little distant, I became needy and told him so many ugly things and he completely changed his opinion about me and blamed me for everything. He even told me everything I have ever said to him ( I accused him of so many woman-ish shit ) and it was awful to hear it from him. We should have moved in together this fall. I admitted I was wrong about how I dealt with telling him that he owns me everything, but still, he became colder and colder, still telling me that I’m ” everything and nothing at the same time “, sharing different motivational videos and his problems. His work has become crazy and so did I. I haven’t spoken to him since the 21st Oct when I told him something and he hadn’t replied and I blocked him on Facebook. He sent me an email asking for my opinion on something ( he could have lived without it ), both on my Gmail and yahoo accounts. I haven’t replied. Nothing ever since.
I miss him. I quit smoking since the day we stopped talking – he is against smoking – I got a new hair color, I have managed to keep my emotions to myself and got a retrospective over how I forgot to be the lovely girl that he was in a relationship for more than 2 years. What în the world am I supposed to do ? I love him and I bet his feelings for me aren’t completely extinct. What if there is someone else he met there while I cut him off ? Why hasn’t he contacted me ? He used to tell me that if I ever decided to give up, he won’t chase me. But we have such an amazing compatibility with perfect friendship, amazing sexual life ( we used to see each other every 2 months , he took me to his work place, met his family, everything was going in the right direction until he got cold feet ), great food, amazing memories of all sorts of stuff. Now what ?

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Apaol - last year

Hi, I’m in third week of NC and he hasn’t contacted me, what if my ex does not believe in second chances? He was hurt in the past because of trying again with a ex girlfriend… I have doing NC, I did not begged him, I was calm at the moment he broke up… I know he was confused by my reaction, but is almost a month, I know he loves me, was a year and we have plans to move together and marry us.

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    Charice - last year

    To be honest, I would forget all the future plans that was made before. Focus on these 3 things when you’re going through NC. 1. improve yourself, 2. learn what went wrong in the relationship, 3. what does your ex want in terms of his priorities and life? Most women tend to forget that their partners have priorities in life that are different than ours.

    Reply
Rachel - last year

Hi my husband and I are going through a divirce he has already sighned his divorce papers 8 weeks ago and mine still haven’t came in the mail we spent last month one day together he told me he loved me and cared about me held my hand kissed me waged a movie with me but still thought it was best to divirce. We have been together for two years
it’s been 16 days of no contact and I haven’t herd anything from him I’m back at my parents he has a new apartment we haven’t lived together since October 7 that’s how long I have been at my parents I know he is inlobe with me we had some arguments but they were fixable he just didn’t wanna fix them I guess./(anyways what do you think is going on in his head?Do you think he has forgot about me??16 days of no contact not a peep from him last thing he said to me was in a txt saying I hope you have a great life I’ll always love u.:(Last time I saw him he stared deep into my eyes and looked like he was gonna cry gave me a hug and wouldn’t let go of me.I have moved forward win my life staying busy and I’m doing good but just still so inlobe with him still?Please help

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love - last year

I need help!… husband left me 5 months ago, but we’ve kept contact, he would come visit and act like everything was ok.. he would still kiss me and hug me like nothing was going on but when i try to tslk to him about us he would just get in a bad mood and leave…. i started the nc 20 days ago and worked on myself, but then i broked it and went looking for him, he didnt even realized we hadnt been talking for that long!… he immediately started talking to me about his day and joking and laughing but when i started talking about us he said he cares about me but doesnt want a relationship right now but he doesnt want to lose me for ever, that he does want to be with me just not right now because he is enjoying his new freedom… we ended up talking some more and being intimate… idk what to do anymore as he says there isnt a moment he doesnt think about me and he gots my picture under his pillow… he also says he misses calling me and hearing me say “hey baby”…. since he didnt even realize that 20 days went by without talking to me would nc even work? Or is our relationship doomed?

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Angela - last year

Exboyfriend broke up with me over a fight. At first he said he needed a break, told him I don’t want a break so it turned into a breakup. The next day he says he needs reassurance, but I was too pissed to care. We went without talking for a while and then he’s like I guess it really is over. A day passed and he wanted to talk to me in person. It wasn’t until he asked a second time to see me that we talked in person. He said that he needs to work in himself because he’s broken. Can’t say whether he’ll come back or not, loves me and misses me, breaks down when he thinks about me. Asked me why I think the relationship will work. He said he can’t promise that he won’t try coming back when he’s ready. Then before he left he said he knows what he’s gonna do. Idk what that means. The next day I was mad and told him I’m moving on. He said fine to stay out of his life for good. I sent a text saying sorrt and that I’ll always wait for him. It’s been four days.

Does the relationship even have a chance?

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Emily - last year

Hi there,
My bf has broken up with me few days ago because he thinks his parents would not allow me to be his wife. But honestly I don’t think his parents are the only reason, he seemed less invested in this relationship.
Anyway, I was very hurt and sad by this decision of his. So I stopped contacting him at all. I stopped using facebook cause I would have strong urges to stalk him or send him messages. I desperately needed to be alone to heal myself.
But I would like to add that he texted me the day after our break up happened and asked how I was. I replied very casually.
He texted me on day 2 and this time I didn’t reply because I didn’t feel like doing that. And when he saw I didn’t reply he got worried and sent another text asking me if I was okay. I ignored again. Now neither of us are contacting each other.
Did I do right ignoring him all of a sudden? I plan to do the No Contact rule on him. I still don’t wanna talk to him, I need time for myself. I did enough chasing and running after him,just tired of it. I do love him and want him back. Do you think No Contact will help?

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    Charice - last year

    In a way, the pain you’re feeling is self inflicted because you are much more invested in the relationship than he is. You expected more from him and the relationship. Try to understand what his position is and be on the same level. Don’t try to label or push him to discuss “the future”. It’s important that you’re aware of your ex’s priorities. The NC will help you to decide on what you really want.

    Reply
Brooke - last year

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up about a month ago. In October he had taken me away for my 30 birthday and had this whole weekend planned. When we got back everyone thought he was going to give me a ring and he never did. 2 weeks later we were at a party and his family members were bugging him about why he didn’t give me a ring and I was even disappointed that I didn’t get one. When he broke up with me it was bc he said that I did’t like his friends which isn’t true I use to hang out with them all the time and also that he felt we were the same person which I told him we shouldn’t be. 4 days later we got back together when i texted him and said I wanted my things back since I basically lived there. We got back together for a week and things were good then on Halloween he was away at a football game and texted me if everything was ok then about 2 hours later he called telling me he wanted to me left alone tomorrow. I asked him what was wrong and he just kept yelling about being left alone. I found out the next day it was because his brother got engaged and his g/f was calling my b/f to tell him that and wouldn’t leave him alone. I grabbed some of my things at his place but still have tons of stuff there. I have tried a few times to get my things and he is never around for me to come up. I’m almost done with the no contact rule and have not heard from him. I went on vacation, then he did the next week then went hunting all the following. I’m not sure what to do i still have his house key that he hasn’t asked for and my things are still up there and he wont drop them off. I’m not sure what to think these days.

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Nicky - last year

So my boyfriend and I had be dating long distance for ten months and then we decided to move in together. Life got challenging as I was trying to get a job but work visa’s were in the way and taking time. I was taken a lot of frustrations out on him and we were fighting too often, mostly when alcohol was involved and I let it get the best of me.. roughly every two weeks. I had dropped my life and moved to another country for him, and this last fight we had, he was done. He loved me so much, was getting me on his health insurance, and I saw a future with him, a future in which I was working and having my own life as well… after this fight, I could tell I hurt his feelings and it was as if he couldn’t take it anymore. He came home from work and ended things. He told me he could imagine life without me, and he did not see a future. I never ever could have imagined any of this, as when things were good, and sober, which they were most of the time, they were amazing. He helped me pack my car, while crying hysterically, the both of us… and I moved back to my country and to my parents. I am completely devastated and do not known what to do now. His family has still reached out, as they were like my family as well. I’ve heard he’s doing poorly and got rid of our Christmas tree. I keep hoping for a Christmas miracle and that he will just wake up and show up at my parents…. What do I do?

Reply
    Charice - last year

    It’s important for you to acknowledge where your faults were that caused the fights. If you were willing to move to another country for him, why did you fight to push him away? For sure it’s a big lifestyle change for both of you and the “adjustments” just worn both of you out. It’s important right now for you to reflect on what happened and see where things went wrong that could’ve been avoided.

    Reply
Nicky - last year

I don’t know what to do

Reply
    Charice - last year

    My newsletter contains a series of lessons to help you get through the breakup. Most people sit around during the No Contact period and hope for things to happen. Trust me, nothing will ever happen unless you take action. These lessons will help you deal with the breakup and make the NC period more meaningful and keep you distracted.

    Reply
Tisha - last year

My ex was my first everything 16yrs ago. We lost touch for 14yrs an two years ago we came back into each other’s lives! He asked me to move in with him this year an I did. Things were perfect until I asked him about this other woman he had met up with an was talking to! Two months after that I still stayed treated him like a king! He even told me I was the best women he ever knew! One night we were laying in bed cuddled up an he just plainly asked me when I was moving out? It devastated me! I tried to pull away from him that night an he pulled me closer an held me all night long! I was gone two days after that. When I left I took $197 item back to Home Depot that we bought together. Cause I had no money an no were to go. I told him about it an gave him the money back plus some since! He still tells me he misses me an loves me! I want him back but he tells me that he doesn’t know what he wants! I’ve done the no contact thing but after a few days into that he text me an if I don’t reply he text my whole family worried about me? What do I do….

Reply
    Charice - last year

    What was the reason he wanted you to move out if you two were getting along? Did your ex feel he didn’t have his own space or did he feel like he wasn’t sure about taking the relationship to the next level?

    Reply
Melly - last year

Question: Does no contact work if you were the one that took him for granted? He moved states to be with me and I was indifferent (there wasn’t cheating, just harsh words towards him for 2 months…. I spent the last month trying to redeem myself. He said its over because he lost the butterflies)

I have been NC for a week. He moves soon….think I still have a chance with NC?

Melly

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    Charice - last year

    You can’t rush No Contact. It’s generally 30 days because that’s really the minimum amount of time for you to cool off and decided what you really want. If you approach him now and ask him to stay, his anger still exists inside of him and he’ll just pull away more. If you truly want him back, you need to take these 30 days to change the flaws in yourself and prove to him that you have genuinely changed.

    Reply
Unknown - last year

My ex and I are still friend, he told me twice that “At least we are still friend right?”. I don’t know if the No Contact Rule will help me get him back or no because i really love him. If after a month I text him back and realize he don’t miss me? I scare that he will forget me in a month.

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Amy - last year

So My ex and I have actually been broken up for about 9 months, all of which we have been good friends through. We dated for 3 and a half years before that. After these 9 months I still love him and want him back, I have come to terms with the fact that we may not end up together, but in my heart truly believe that we belong together. He broke up with me because I was his first everything and he had doubts, wasn’t sure what love was and needed to experience other things.

My question is: Is no contact still a tactic to use. We have had a weird few months where he has a girlfriend but confessed to thinking about me sometimes and talks about how rocky it is with his girlfriend, but he says he’s still not ready for us and “it’s not our time.” I can see that he is in a place that I could mess things up with a small move or make things turn better for me. All my friends say that he will come running back if I do no contact, I guess I just need one more push.

Also would I want to go about it the same- 30 days? And if he contacted me would I still want to brush him off for a bit? Thanks so much!

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Jane - last year

I’m on the 6th day of NC and suddenly saw my ex bf on Tinder. I swipe left and immediately adjust the age range so that I’ll never run into him here again. Shall I continue ignoring him? I’m just afraid he thinks bad of me…

Reply
    Charice - last year

    Keep him out of your sight for now. Don’t be afraid of how he thinks of you. You shouldn’t let his emotions decide what’s best for you for the time being.

    Reply
Laura - last year

hi, I was wondering what to do if I started no contact and already into the 13 day and my ex is already calling three times a day, I don’t answer but I am worried that I might make him mad. I love him dearly and don’t want to upset him. do I still stick to the the thirty days if he is contacting me. I know I need to take the time to work on myself too. I just need a little advice . should I at least answer and be brief , or should I not answer at all. thank you for advice.

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TS - last year

My boyfriend who’s a married guy but doesnt sleep with her at all. This i know coz ever since he got married he spends the nights with me right after he reaches home. Despite his trying to answer all my questions about his whereabouts and activities, i snap at him when he has to do grocery or go out with her for a social gathering. Few days ago we had a fight cum argument over a similar issue. He now tells me that he is tired of answering and wants his freedom back. He is not up for answering anymore questions since I still dont trust him. Well I know he does a lot but everytime he is with her for some work, i get super irritated. So yesterday I told him that am not controlling every front of his life, as he says and only ask when it comes to her. I told him I wont ask anymore and give him the space he wants. Sent some 5-6 long messages I asked him if the love is also lost. He said if it was lost we wouldnt be talking. Of course we love each other but I dont know how to stop checking him as regards her. He hasnt messaged or called since yesterday and I see the urge to call him up to see if he will pick up and if we r still together. He hasnt called it quits nor have I. What do I do? we have been together for 3 years and were also childhood lovers. I dont wish to lose him. I need help

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Princess - last year

Hi. I’ve been in a LDR with my boyfriend for about 3 months but we’ve known each other for about 6 months ( we met online ) he’s my first REAL boyfriend and I’m so used to people just walking out of life so when I got with him after a weeks I kept asking if he still likes me or if the distance was getting to him and he said he didn’t like that I kept doubting us and I said I would stop but I started up again. Then I did it and he made some good points on how I should just go with the flow and stop assuming the worst. But I also assume the worst because he did cheat on me once, he was sexting other females. So after I agreed with him about I should stop assuming the worst he texted me the next day talking about he needed space. Soo I told him I had to come get my glasses from his house so I drove to 2 hours to see him and we talked and he held my hand and hugged me and when we talked he said he needed 2 days to think. And I agreed but being the impatient person that I am I texted him the 2nd day telling him either he wants me or he doesn’t so make up your mind. Then he texted me saying “.. Couldn’t even give me 2 days. See ya.” And then I pleaded with him to try to work things out with me and I got no response. Is there anyway the NC rule could work for me? Today would be my first day after the break up with no contact with him.

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Kim - last year

This guy I like admitted he liked me and we started texting. A few days later I admitted I liked him back andwe continued talking, but at school he acts like I’m just another person. What do I do?

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    Charice - 11 months ago

    Just go along with how he’s playing it. There no reason to question why he’s doing this or try to label the relationship. He’s enjoying what he has with you and probably not ready to make anything public. Just don’t make too much of it yourself so you don’t get disappointed if things don’t go the way you expect.

    Reply
Deidra - last year

What if your ex boyfriend does not call you within or after the 30 day rule and what if he was messing around with another woman before the relationship ended. How do i have a chance on getting him back if he has started a new relationship with this person.

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Aayushi - 11 months ago

Me and my ex were together for like seven months. We had many breakups and I always begged back for him. Recently we broke up again and it was very serious. I begged and texted him like crazy and now he thinks I’m insane and he blocked me. I really love him and want him back. What should I do?

Reply
    Charice - 11 months ago

    Stop being desperate and begging him to take him back. This gives your ex so much power to do whatever he wants because he knows that the power is in his hands. Instead, focus on coming up with a reason for him to be with you.

    Reply
Linda - 11 months ago

Hi there my boyfriend has recently given me the txt that I didn’t want to hear we had been together for 4 months I admit that when I got the txt last Sunday I did txt him and even try to ring which of course he did not answer the phone I messaged him saying that I didn’t just want to throw away these months and that he didn’t have to end it he said that he felt really bad and what can I say to make it easier I of course sent another txt saying there’s nothing you can say to make it easier and that I loved him and no matter what I say isn’t going to make any difference and told him to chuck my stuff in the bin as he wanted to bring it round I’m now using the n c just wondering to keep using it or not thanks

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    Charice - 11 months ago

    Keep going with No Contact regardless if you want him back or not.

    Reply
Angela - 11 months ago

Hi, my ex of 3 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago, saying that he lost feelings for me, and had just realised that he felt nothing for me somehow and thinks that we better be friends. I didn’t beg for us to get back together, so eventually I agreed to remain as friends, though I haven’t contacted / texted him since the break up, but we’re still friends on facebook and snapchat (sometimes we still like each other’s photos / read each other snapchat stories) and still follows each other on instragram. I am trying to apply the No contact rule, by not sending any text message to him or call him for over two weeks now, but if I still read his snapchat stories or like some of his instagram photos, does that count as breaking the No contact rule ? Last but not least, will this method work ?

Thank you

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Shree - 11 months ago

Hey charice…
Our relationship was working good…but then one day I found him flirting out with other girl and I overreacted and told him to leave me alone as I needed my time…he tried to please me and asked for a second chance and then suddenly his mind changed and he says that he could not contribute more and wants to be single. I couldn’t help but though I was a dumper…I started feeling helpless…since then…he has rarely contacted me. Can I get him back?

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Christy - 11 months ago

Hi, my boyfriend of 5 months just broke up with me, he says he’s parents won’t agree with our being together. I love him so much and I miss him alot. Before we broke up, he hardly calls and was putting some distance between us as a result I was always begging him and fighting to stay in his life. When he finally broke up with me he said he wants to stay very good friends. He called me the first two days of our breakup and we spoke well, I made sure I sounded like I wasn’t upset so that he doesn’t think the break up is affecting me but on the third day i ignored his call and i have decided to start the no contact rule with him. But I am scared he might not miss me and meet someone else and move on. Was I right to have ignored him. I want him back. And what should i say if he asks why am ignoring him.

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Meg - 11 months ago

My b/f and I have been together for 3 years. He’s a good guy but there have been times I found him a bit cold and terse with me. He’s 12 years older than me and has many wonderful qualities. The same issue has come up in the past which may sound silly to some, but I find it to very disrespectful to me. We broke up due to a heated argument about him checking other women out in front of me. This behavior I find is very rude and disrespectful. I realize that men look, however, if he can make it that obvious in front of me, what does he do when I’m not around? I’ve explained to him in the past when I’ve caught him how I felt about it and he would say he was sorry, yada, yada, but has done it numerous times. I know there are a lot of younger beautiful women out there in the world, and I see gorgeous men as well, but I was taught to be respectful when I’m with my partner. His comments are always, all men look and my ex b/f’s were probably blind, etc. This argument got out of hand and blew up. We both starting taking jabs (mean words)at each other and things escalated. I admit to saying mean things due to being hurt by this rude behavior. He told me to go find Mr.Perfect and I responded I will. Needless to say, I texted him to pack some of my belongings at his apt and when he left for work the next morning, I went over to his place and picked up some of by stuff. When I arrived he packed most of it if not all of it up for me already. I left some of the stuff he gave me and told him to keep it. He is either playing hardball with me and making a statement or just doesn’t give a darn. We’ve never broken up before and we basically get along pretty good. I realize no relationship is perfect and he moved from the west coast to the east coast to be with me. We both can get pretty hot headed when angry and say harsh words. However, when he texted me to go ahead and do my thing with another man and said good luck. I responded that I may just go ahead and do so. His arrogance in his reply showed as if he could give a crap less. Now, I’m hurt because tempers flared and words were exchanged by both of us. What hurts me most is how he promised me that he wouldn’t look at other women while in my presence in the past and still does. I know I asked him to pack my belongings, I guess I was surprised how fast he did. Now, I’m just wondering if he really gives a damn for me or if he ever did. I thought he would try to talk about it but he is remaining stubborn and so am I. What I’m wondering now is should I even bother with the No Contact rule? He hasn’t reached out since I took my stuff out of his place. What a mess!

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April M. - 10 months ago

Hello I see that this article was written quite a while back, but I’m hoping that you would still respond! My boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me because he said that I can’t emotionally connect with him and that emotional connection is important to him in a relationship. He said that he sees and wants a future with me, but he doesn’t think that I do with him and I that I make him feel as if everything is just temporary and that he’s temporary. He said that he’s confused and isn’t sure if we should continue being in a relationship or not, because although he loves me, he thinks that we want different things in life and that I won’t stick around. I think he’s doing this to protect himself from potentially getting left one day, which I never planned on ever doing. He said he needed time, so i’ve been giving him his time, but because he’s so confused he would still text me all the time and constantly ask me when he gets to see me next. His actions made me so confused that I voiced thoughts going through my head such as “What do I tell other people if they as me if I have a boyfriend? or “Are we allowed to date others?” and he immediately got upset with me saying that I’m not showing him that i’m committed in this whole thing enough and that I don’t seem very invested in the whole situation and why would i ask questions like that? But how exactly am i supposed to show him that I’m committed in making this work when he tells me he needs time and space? I told him that he’s starting to make me confused from him going back and forth with me all the time so I suggested that we both not stay in contact with each other until he’s able to figure his own feelings out. I told him that me being around wasn’t resolving any of his confusion and if anything it was probably making it worse. I told him that I think he wants me around because he’s trying to find an answer through me and he’s not able to, that’s why he’s blaming me saying that I don’t seem invested in trying to make things work. He said that he doesn’t want me to be right, but he thinks I am and he agreed to being in no contact until he figures himself out. He didn’t want to at first, because he said it was going to be really hard for him, but I told him that this was probably for the best and that if one way wasn’t working we needed to try something different or we’re just going to keep going around in circles. I know that it’s not something that I can help him with, he needs to figure it out on his own. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do next from here…

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Kayleigh - 10 months ago

My boyfriend and I had been going out for over a year, but at the start of the year I noticed he started to get quite possessive and controlling and wouldn’t give me space especially when I needed it. So I decided we needed to take a break, but he took it so bad like it was the end of the world. Even though I had planned on getting back together I just really needed space to myself to clear my head and relax but he didn’t understand this. And he was so heartbroken he cried and cried and cried when I said it to him and it just broke my heart to see him cry. He blocked me on every form of social media. Then after a few weeks I missed him so much we decided to give things a go again, but something didn’t feel right so I broke it off again. I didn’t feel ready. But then once again I decided it was the right time so we decided to take things step by step, he wasn’t too nice when I reached out to him again but we were taking it step by step. Then after about a week and a half things just flipped, it was going well I thought anyways but after one night I couldn’t come see him he got so angry and said I always flake on him. So when he called me I thought just to talk about things, he broke it off. He said he was done with me, and that he wasn’t happy and that I have a shit personality and that I am not worth it and I’m too much for him to handle and the feelings are not there anymore. And that broke me because a few days and weeks before he was telling me he loved me so much, and a couple weeks before in tears saying how In love with me he is and had to delete me off social media because he couldn’t bare to see me because he was heartbroken. But I can’t let him go. I can’t. We got along so well with each other and I felt so comfortable with him and he is the first guy I’ve ever felt genuinely happy with, he treated me like an absolute princess. He means the world to me. I know we’re not still young, I’m 21 and he’s 19, but still I can’t let someone go when things were going so well only to hit a slight bumpy road. So after the breakup the day afterwards I did what most girls do, I begged him telling him how much I loved him and didn’t want to do this. But also I told him how nasty he was being. And how someone who loves me should stick through the hard times, and that I’ll always have the good memories. He unfollowed me on Twitter first which hurt, his friends called me names on Facebook which hurt again because I feel like it’s them telling him to say these things as they weren’t too happy with me when I asked for a break first. So I decided to start the no contact rule, and it was going fine, I was eating healthy and working out 5 days a week and getting college work done, and making myself a better person seeing as he wanted me to be a happier and less negative person. I’m on day 14 of NC, and over these past 2 weeks I’ve noticed he’s been on a few nights out with his friends even though he does not really like alcohol or drinking. He was also putting up clips of love songs and emotional feelings songs as his snapchat story the last 2 weeks. But it was yesterday I noticed on his story he seemed to be at a place you would only go if you were on a date, and he went out last night too and every time he goes out he puts up snapchat stories with girls and shows how much fun he’s having. And then I noticed throughout the night he unfriended me on Facebook. Now I have not text him or made any form of contact with him these couple of weeks. So I really puzzled as to why he’s unfriended me? I feel like this no contact isn’t working now because I feel like unfriending an ex is the final straw for a break up and it’s killing me because I was working on myself during no contact and I feel like now I should give up. I want him back so badly, there is no other guy I am interested in, even going on a date with. If he truly did love me like he said he did he would not all of a sudden say he has no feelings and cut ties with me. Strong couples make it through the hard times. Should I just give up with no contact and text him is that what he’s trying to do with unfriending me? Or should I stick it out for the 30 days and then see how things are?

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Gary Fatham - 10 months ago

Hey you state the No Contact Rule means not talking for 30 days however what if she texts you “Morning. X” two days after she said we should take a brake. Should I reply the same “Morning. X” or should I not reply at all. I don’t want to come across as heartless.

Or what if she says “Hey”. Basically messages of little to no value but that wants to see how I am.

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    Charice - 10 months ago

    It really depends on how you feel and what you want her to think. If it’s just a friendly message like “Morning”, I would ignore it to see if there’s a second follow up message that’s more meaningful. As an alternative, if you are interested in getting her back, you could text something positive like “Morning, hope you have a great day”.

    Reply
Leigh - 10 months ago

I was with my ex 1 1/2 years. Toward the end he was very distant, and I in response became more clingy. Then he said he just couldn’t ‘do this’.
He said he wants to be friends, but he was even more distant as a friend.
So it’s been 10 days of NC. We are in the same social group (how we met), so I have to see him weekly. I don’t want to stop attending because I’d miss my friends and I’d literally be sitting home alone. The first two times we were at the same event, he came over to who I was talking to and started talking to them. I just turned my head and ignored him. Later, he ‘liked’ one of my pics.
Today tho, it seemed he was ignoring me too…not coming anywhere near me and staying far away.
Should I contact him? I think he’s losing interest more and more every day 🙁

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    Charice - 10 months ago

    Give him the distance he wants. Trying to get closer to him will just push him away.

    Reply
sandy - 10 months ago

Hi

Me and My Ex girlfriend was in relationship for 6 yrs. It was an intimate relationship and we together have discussed many a times about when to have babies, honeymoon ,future together and all just like typical couples have. As my job demanded I was little too busy in my work but i had told her about this target at my office and requested to support me n understand my professional commitment . Sometimes i used to miss her calls and messages or could not reply on time. Then there was this guy who was there around her all day in her office. She started feelings for him and she cheated on me.

I noticed change in her behavior but could not thought she could cheat on me as she was very possessive and serious about me earlier but later found it after checking her mobile phone. She took job transfer to new place and this guy also took the transfer to her location in different Firm/Company. Its been 7 months ( Sept 2015 breakup) of our Breakup and I tried 2 3 times NO Contact Rule but failed. Now i am doing it again NC and its been 26 days. She didnt bother to give a single call or msg. Earlier she used to msg evry 7 8 days gap . She was crying for loosing me this valentines day. Please tell me , Is she moved on in this No Contact period.?? Has she forgotten me forever ? How to go ahead after completion of No Contact Period. Shall i contact her or continue with NC.

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Sila - 9 months ago

Hi,
Well i met My boyfriend 5 months ago we were attracted to each other we were getting along well for almost two months then he started to change not calling much not texting i Said to myself its OK i should understand maybe he is busy maybe he have problems I waited,I tried several methods no result and then he started to be more distant not calling me for two days or three and he was the one calling every hour so I didn’t get a thing ,I decided to face him and tell him about this matter he replayed “nothing bb iam just busy ” I decided to break up with him I told him ” we should break up u are not serious ” he said ” no iam serious but only busy ” and no effort came after that no calling again so I break with him definitely and now after a month of break up and no contact he wants to come back and iam confused I can’t understand him at all

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Tanya - 9 months ago

Hey Charice,
We clicked very well and were dating exclusively for a month with 1 month knowing each other prior it. We both spoke of potential future (if things go there) about family and kids, got exclusive before our first meeting. I was put off as he wanted us to have sex before he calls me his girlfriend. I insisted about being very serious first. It was brief discussion, no fight. Then a day later all of a sudden he asked me if I have chatted to other guys. I said I informed all males about my ‘boyfriend’. He then confronted me that I haven’t deleted my tinder (I’ve changed the profile to looking for friends instead). He deleted his tinder a week before that. Didn’t want to listen to me and said good night. Next day I sent him sorry card with explanation what happened (I was there for friends only, no benefits as that not my thing, and I even didn’t chat to anyone at that time; plus I said to my male friends about him). He didn’t check despite online and didn’t respond. I confronted him back then about girls he had added to his fb and liking their stuff, no response again. Finally asked him if we can talk or that was it. No response, so after more than a day I sent him good bye letter, fb unfriended him and went back on tinder. No response again. I got confused and texted him after few hours was there any chance to fix things. He said no as I was again on tinder and he didn’t trust my loyalty. We had a brief talk. He asked me few questions, I answered and he accused me of lying as no one is on tinder just for general conversations. Well, there were 3 reasons why I remained there but I just told him one of them as didn’t want to sound too excusy. Thing is I didn’t trust he deleted his so Ileft it open to see how I could check if he was still there, meanwhile changed it to ‘looking for friends’ until I could see a way to check him. It was busy an d stressful time and I could just go few times there, thought to delete it butsomething interrupted me and forgot later. After the confrontation I immediately deleted it though. Since that post break up talk we had one more few days later when he told me to get over it, to move on and to go back on tinder as guys were waiting for me there. I said I didn’t want men, I would focus on myself instead. He didn’t reply. Since then I sent him 2 more texts in span of few days to a week. In the first one I said know he won’t see my point and that we were lovely couple but we needed to talk more about expectations. I also told him I didn’t feel good to see new girls on fb while we dated. The second one was softer I apologized for everything, said I’ve never been accused of unloyalty before nor dealt with silence after conflict and that I feel strange now about being friends with new males (which is true). He read it, didn’t respond. It was 10 days afer the break up. Now I’m in NC, maybe indefinite. I’m not sure what further? Thanks

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Sophie - 8 months ago

Hi me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago we had been together for 6 years and was engaged we were due to get married in 6 weeks and he said he’d been seeing someone else for a month and that our relationship could go no further
I have begged and pleaded with him since and he’s told me we will never get back together and we have gone as far as we can go oin our relationship and that he doesn’t love me like he used to what do I do?

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Lynn - 6 months ago

Hey there. I’ve been reading articles on here for a few months now and I have really taken in what they have said, but I am still struggling with my breakup. Today makes 3 months since my boyfriend broke up with me. From the day he broke up with me I implemented no contact before I knew what no contact was but it was just for a week because I contacted him so I could get my stuff from him and confront him face to face. After that I did another week of no contact when he texted me and asked if there was something wrong because one of his friends asked him if he had talked to me and I think he was worried so he texted me but the conversation turned ugly when I called him out on his feelings and he blew up at me saying he didn’t love me anymore and there was no future. The same night he unfriended me on instagram and facebook and deleted all of our pictures together. Once that happened I went into no contact mode for over a month and then I decided to call him the week after the 4th of July. I blocked my number so I knew he would answer and asked him if he maybe would like to meet up for coffee so he could see the new me but he said he wasn’t interested and hung up on me. He still had the same tone of voice with me that he had when I first talked to him in person after the breakup like he was putting on a front. He had never once treating me like that or talked to me like that in the 8 months we were together. But just for a little background, we were together for 8 months and we say each other every day and talked all day long. I thought we had a great relationship and I loved him more than anything and he loved me. But like any couple we had our fights, and most of them were about his friends. We were with them all the time and it he didn’t see a problem with it. I enjoyed hanging out with his friends but not everyday like we were in the last month or so of the relationship. I never asked him to stop hanging out with them I just asked if we could have some alone time every now and then but he saw it as a life changing event. His friends always had a lot of influence over him. But other than that we sometimes argued about him smoking or drinking too much. But coming down to the breakup, none of that was ever the issue. He had been living in an apartment in the town I lived in but had moved back in with his parents a few weeks before the breakup because we just got a house in his hometown that his aunt bought they we were going to redo and live in. He always said that house was our house because he wanted it to be mine just as much as his because he wanted to get married and had planned on proposing this summer to me. So that’s why we got the house and started redoing it for when we got engaged it would be ready. We had been actively planning our future together up until the day of breakup. But leading up to the breakup, he had decided that he was going to work on the spending more time together and less with his friends and just really work on things. We had a great few months while doing so, we still had a few arguments, but everything was going great. And then when we got the house and started working on it, he decided to move back in with his parents, he is 26, just until we got the house done so he could save the money he would be spending on rent. I knew it wasn’t a good idea because he and his parents argued to much but he did anyways. Once he moved back home, that’s when everything started to change. He started to become really stressed out because his parents argued with him all the time and he know had to drive an hour and a half to work and an hour and a half back home. And once he got home, we went straight over to our house and worked on it til 12 or 1 am and then he went to bed and had to get up at 4am. We were both mentally and physically exhausted, and he was more so than I. On top of that we had his friends to deal with too. They were constantly wanting to do something or would stop in everyday and we were both so tired and stressed out that it caused us to argue a lot more those last 2 weeks. We ended up having a big fight one night because one of his friends, who is a girl, got mad because I didn’t talk to her enough and wanted to cause trouble. After that fight he decided he wanted to take a break. Not break up or anything but simply only see eachother 4 days out of the week instead of everyday so we had time to just rest and work on some of our problems. He was going to work on missing me and spending more time with me because he said he never got the chance to miss me because we were always together. But he wanted to work on things because he still wanted that future with me. He wanted me to work on my self confidence and being more independent because he felt like I was just so wrapped up in him, which I was. He then admitted that once we got the house, he realized how close we were to marriage and it freaked him out and I think it made him feel smothered in some ways and that his freedom was being taken away. So the week after that decision, we had a great time. We both were working on things and the time we spent away from each other he missed me and would call me or text me the whole time. And that weekend we spent the whole weekend together and we had a good time. We had one small argument about the whole situation because I was worried and kept asking questions to reassure myself he still wanted a future and he still loved me. But other than that everything was good. Well that Monday, the day before the breakup, I had a terrible day at work and walked out and he was at work when I texted him and told him and he called me worried asking if I was okay. He got defensive over me and told me he didn’t want me to go back to my job because it was stressing me out and it wasn’t worth me being sick over all the time. He texted me all day checking up on me and called me like 5 times. One time he called me and we were talking about going to look at property that week to buy and build us a barn on and then he told me that he realized there was nothing wrong with our relationship, that I was simply stressed out over work and my college finals that it was causing me to be depressed and not talk as much around his friends and he was stressed out with living back at home and he hated his job and that everything was just stressing him out. He kept telling me how much he loved me that day, it was also our anniversary, and he told me how he couldn’t wait for many more months to come. He also told me he was going to work on the whole friends thing but it was going to be hard for him and was going to take time, and that we should just enjoy our friends while we had them. He had a bunch of friends getting married this summer and he was friend that once they did they wouldn’t hang out anymore because everyone was growing up and that freaked him out about getting married as well. The next morning he called me and out of blue just told me he couldn’t handle a relationship, he still loved me and that if we were meant to be it will be. But he didn’t want us to talk or text or see each other. We saw each other once after that and when we did he had put on a front and told me he hadn’t missed me, it had only been a week after the break up, and that he didn’t love me anymore and had been faking it for the last few months, which I don’t believe and I think he was just saying things to hurt me because he didn’t want to show his feelings. He is very prideful when it comes to those things. But come to find out, the girl I was telling you about that he is friends with was saying stuff to him to make him think I was unhappy in our relationship and so was he. They have been friends for 20 years so he thinks she is right on everything. And the sad part is she is getting married this month and I don’t know why she has to influence my relationship. But ever since then he has just acted mean towards me and he has never once treated me like that while we were together. I keep in contact with his family and they all believe that he got scared and got cold feet and with everything changing in his life all at one time, his friends getting married, the house, his job, us getting married, it was all just too much for him and he got scared and pushed me away. His family keeps telling me just to give him some time and space and they think he will come back. All summer he has just been running with his friends constantly and I know he has went on a few dates with other girls but he hasn’t liked any of them. His family tells me that he is just trying to keep himself distracted right now but they still think he got cold feet and scared. I just wanted to know what your thoughts on the situation is. Thank you!

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Shaz - a few months ago

Hi I recently dated a guy for 3 months and he broke up with me because he didn’t like the fact I went on several holidays with my ex boyfriend (talking about 2 years ago)so hes judging me on my past relationships. I don’t really believe the reasoning to be honest, however I felt we both got on so well and had a lot in common. On the day he told me I have not contacted him since, its week 3 now and his birthday is in 2 days time. I know I still have a week to go, but I haven’t heard nothing from him yet at all.. a little worrying. I don’t know how to approach him after the NC rule 30 days have been completed. We don’t have any mutual friends, so I don’t know how I would see him out as I wouldn’t know where he is. What can I do alternatively, could I call or send a text message which maybe just as effective?

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Geethanjali - a few months ago

Me and my boyfriend were in relationship for past 2 years.we were very happy we used to be like 1 hrt 2 Souls.we fought in our relationship many atimes but it never exceeded to the next day.for the past 2 months he became close to his childhood friend. She knows that we both were deeply in love with each other but still she use to call him and speak with him more than a friend. My boyfriend used to be very loyal to me in every matter but he stopped sharing his secrets, stopped caring,stopped expressing his feelings towards me.we both used to speak for hours hours together in the past but felt like mins.but now it was quite opposite to that.he started telling me that he is not happy with me.he started that his situations were all worst that he can’t even speak with me even fr 2 mins bt he used to call to his childhood friend and they both become soo close that my boyfriend got feelings on her.I asked her what is the reason she said nothing it is his feelings so I will respect his feelings. I had spoken with my boyfriend abt this.for every question I ask him he simply says I donno I am in a confusion what u speak. He started telling I cheated u I am soo sry.I told him many a times he is my strength and weakness.I explained him all the sweet memories which taken place in my 2 years of lovely relationship. I donno what to do ???? But I am boyfriend back into my life n he should be mine fr ever plzz tell me know the solution I begging u sir plzz I can’t even imagine my life without him plzz let me the solution to my problem please

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Amanda - a few months ago

My ex has called many times during the no contact rule which only started a few days ago. While I was at work, he called so I used the automated response via text “sorry, I can’t talk right now”. Does this violate the NC rule, is this considered a set back? I was simply trying to be polite.

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Lola - a few months ago

My (ex)boyfriend asked for a break after two weeks of arguing about the effort he was putting in. Our arguments aren’t awful and out of control, but no argument can be pleasant. Regardless, He requested a break. Initially, I fought it and urged him to work out the problem rather than take a break. He insisted and now it has bee 5 days since we last spoke. Will the ‘No Contact Rule’ work in my favor?
I’m just so confused and my mind keeps wandering to matters like ‘Has another option he is interested in opened up?’, ‘Is he with someone else?’, ‘Is he happier and relieved without me?’ etc.
Contacting him in any form won’t fix the problem and will only push him farther away but what if he moves on during this period? What are your thoughts

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Stacey - a few months ago

I was with my man for 12 years this past Christmas he gave me a ring. He went to school to become a police officer. When he finally got a job things started to go bad for us. He was never home so I nagged him ALOT.We started arguing and he would tell me he was tired if the arguing I just wouldn’t let it go that he didn’t have time for us. I accused him of cheating with a woman he went to school with he denied it. But since she is the one I ultimately found him cheating with I’m pretty sure I pushed him towards her. 12 years is a long time just to give up on. When I caught him cheating I took everything from the house we once shared. In my rage I took, stove washer dryer you name it I took it. I stopped talking to him 2 weeks ago. I did leave him a voicemail about returning my gun that he used as a backup weapon. That’s the only time I’ve contacted him. I’ve blocked him for my social media pages. So I can bash him and vent on my pages. Apparently he has someone telling him about my post because he has sent nasty messages via his brother, and my best friend. The woman I caught him cheating with well 2 days after I caught him cheating with her they became a couple. It almost killed me. I’m drowning here I love him and I want him back but I think we are a lost cause. Help

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Celia Thao - a couple of months ago

Hey Charice,

I see so many stories. And I believe what brought me here is for the love of my life to be with me again. I dated him for almost 2 years. Our 2 year anniversary was supposed to be on November 27th of this month. I do believe that when a relationship ends, anniversary ends as well. He broke up with me on November 4th, 2016 it has been 13 to 14 days now since he broke up with me.. I begged and pleaded him.. But now I’ve started for 2 days with the NC and he hasn’t messaged me back asking if everything is okay. He broke up with me stating that he just “hurts” me to much and makes me “cry” to much. I know girls we tend to be to emotional, but I feel as though my heart breaks, maybe it was my fault hurting him by crying? I want to see if I could have another chance with him. He says he’s just a “little” boy.. Because I did call him that for being selfish.. I wish I never called him that. I want him to know he is a wonderful young man. I am willing to do anything to get him back at this point. I know he says he still cares for me and cares about what happens to me he also says his love will never change for me, which is what he said, when I last asked him. But now, I really am trying to focus on myself, I’ve joined dance class, which I never danced in my life, but I will be improving myself again, and I’ve started exercising again and noticed weight loss. I don’t know what to message him right away after giving him around 40 to 50 days of no contact. Also what do I do with the gifts he gave me? Should I send them back to him? He told me the last time that he doesn’t want me to, because it will just make him sad seeing them. I don’t want to hurt his feelings in any way because of how much I love him. What do you believe is the right thing to do for now?

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Fariha - a couple of months ago

My ex calls me late night twice then next day told me he called by mistake

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Damon - a couple of months ago

Hello i’m AXL 22 years old,started dating a 19 yo gurl for about 2 months.

There was this random person bothering her at the Road i helped her we quickly escalated got her number Facebook etc and started talking.

It was basically a 10/10 gurl shared my music interests everything,she was really Sexual at first then tomorrow she would tell me I’m not a bitch i don’t want you to think that i am,i told her i accept you the way you are.

We went out head sex everything was going just fine,she told me i can’t really live without you i need you your so sweet stuff like that.

She was suffering from low self esteem and Depression and has signs of Bipolar,studies Psychology it’s her first year at uni.

So here is where things start to go downhill,she started going cold on me we always talked things over and i was really straight with her asked her what was wrong did i do something wrong,she goes like i just don’t really feel like talking with people much lately it’s not you.

At first i was looking at the Positive aspects didn’t really make it a big of a deal she would be same sweet show the same Emotional Validation just keep the convo’s shorter.

As time went out she started decreasing them and i asked her a few times all i got was It’s not true that i don’t wanna talk to you,i been talking a lot to people lately it’s not just you know.

Then she started pulling back emotionally,she also pmed my mom she knows her we were really serious with this gurl telling her i LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Anyways after this she removed all the Emotional Validation and would keep the convo’s max 1-2 texts daily and it really got me pissed so i decided to have a serious Conversation with her.

I pmed her asking her if she feels the same things she feelt before i keept pressuring she goes like”It’s not true that i don’t wanna talk to you”I told her to answer the question that is being asked she goes like”I don’t know can’t we just change the Topic??

Then i keept asking if i did something wrong she goes like no i don’t know what to say i don’t have anything to say.

She also keept telling me guys stare at her etc.

So basically i see here lack of interest i tried to bring old Memories she does not care,she tells me all the right words and acts the opposite way leaves me hanging without an answer,never initiates the convo first does not care it’s like i’m talking to this total stranger that Scares me does not respect me talks with sarcasm and i keep asking myself what i did wrong i can’t really find anything.

It’s really strange how can people change this fast and not care.

She has all the signs of Bipolar doe i’m not really sure:Very sexual kisses girls acts like a Bisexual talks with a lot of people,addictive to drinks,would do drugs no problem if offered very suicidal suffered from Depression,gets turned on fast and turned off.

I just can’t really believe what i’m going through right now the last message of me was like”Until you start being yourself and want to have something with me or go out peace up”

I went on NO CONTACT for my own Sanity she put me through hell it’s been a month nothing from her,shes enjoying everything on her Facebook posting pictures i didn’t like any of her pictures or stuff went full NC.

She would also overthink every little stuff being afraid that i might cheat on her and cry on the phone,i would chill her down tell her that i really love you the most on the world,And in the last convo she told me i should not be overthinking stuff it’s not good for you!Imagine she tried to make me look Crazy,she is nice to every second person on facebook just sees me as her personal enemy and the guy that hurt her or the boring guy,i’m really hopeless

Here is when things gets Really Strange she knows i’m really close with my mom i didn’t react anything to her posts or something,yesternight she Blocked my mom on Facebook and didn’t block me,i think she is trying to get a Reaction from me i’m not really sure.

So the question is should i initiate Contact with her after 30 days and try to talk things out??Or maybe wait for some more i’m not really sure if she is ever going to pm me i’m really lost??

Sorry for keeping it so long,i’m just so much in pain it’s my first post i don’t know where to get help.

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Sen - last month

It’s all started with a comment I made under his picture. He started to show interest toward me and I truly thought he likes me. But eventually he made me to his FWB through internet. Bcos at that time he was working aboard. After three months we met and enjoyed two days together. He didn’t hurt me or wanted to loose my verginity over him. So I feel so deeply with his gentlemen habits. But after few days I got to know he’s still trying to get back with his EX even there break up is two years old. She’s not ready to accept him and he told me he felt down. I was surprised and told him why did you hide me this and did you use me as a side kick. So he get mad and said we have fwb affair not anything beyond that. Honestly I didn’t know about fwb affairs untill he told me n this would be the end result. So now nearly nine months past with my explanations and he constantly pulled me away. And I decide to stay away from him and all social media till he realize he done wrong with my feelings. I don’t know he will miss me when he busy with missing his ex. But I keeping a hope on my future.

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Kat - last month

Hi, I need your help.

My ex-bf and I met on a dating site October 23 and he fell in love with me so quickly and we met on November 4 everything was going well he calls and message me all the time telling me how much he adores and love me with all his heart and that he is excited for me to move in with him on December 17. We already had planned on having babies and getting married. But I remember on his profile on wanting more kids question he put no, on my profile I put yes because I want to have kids with my future man. But when we talked about it he was always excited about it and proud that I will be his wife and we’ll have beautiful babies. And on Thanksgiving he kept on texting and calling me and telling me how much he misses me and that I am his everything. And then after Thanksgiving I noticed he only texted me once a day then on that Sunday he broke up with me. Telling me that I am a wonderful person and that he still loves me but he doesn’t know how well he is going to adapt into an enormous change of lifestyle and he also said that he is sorry for the hurt he caused and he said I hope in time you will understand my point of view. I have texted called emailed him non-stop pleading him and trying to talk him to work things out rather than break up, but he won’t reply to me then I joined back to the dating site we were on before and we he was back there on the day he broke up with me. And now I started the NC rule for two days now. Should I text him on Christmas day and New Year’s Eve ?? Thanks.

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sg - last month

Hi,

My ex-lover came back to my life and told me he loved me a lot during college days,we started chattingsince then and suddenly yesterday he says he wants no complication and move on

I am kind of shocked at the sudden rude exit and dont know how to deal with it.I just replied to him that it is his call and his decision and i have nothing to say.

But inside m kind of boiling

what should I do

Regards

Sg

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Jo - last month

You might laugh at me but I was dating a guy 33 years older than me, I already know you think I’m crazy but I genuinely liked him. Well anyway he lives with his ex wife, divorced for 35 years but been living together for 20 years because of the kids and grandkids. He started dating me and his ex and him made an agreement that they are allowed to date other people. Well she was OK with having a girlfriend until she found out how young I was and all hell broke lose. She was mean to me, she threatened him. And told him if he didn’t break with me that she would make his life a living hell. So indeed he did break up with me. And now he totally ignores me and acts like everything we went through meant nothing. Will he ever regret leaving me, will be miss me if I stay away from him. He told me a few times that he would not let her tear me and him apart, I’m shocked he dumped me. He has not called or texted me since we broke up a month ago, and we only dated a couple months. I’m so hurt and tore up inside

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Raven - 3 weeks ago

Hello,
Me and my ex just broke up yesterday. We had only been dating a few months but he told me yesterday he can’t be with me. It was lust not love he can’t love me because he’s not attracted to me like he thought he was. I am a bit overweight not skinny and that he doesn’t feel attracted to my body. He said he wants a girl who’s skinny and smaller breasts and then after that and us trying to talk he started saying he was not a good man basically the It’s not really you it’s me thing. He went back and forth between those. But here’s the thing the entire relationship he has called me beautiful. Told me he feels like he wants to marry me when we get a bit older he could see himself having kids with me. I’m precious to him and then yesterday he just completely reversed it. It’s confusing and hurtful. He says he loves me as a person he’s just not attracted to me in that way. He wants to be friends and he doesn’t want to lose me. I’m just lost I have no clue what to do.

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Ella - a couple of weeks ago

Hi. I just broke up with my ex a month ago. we work together. These few days, he always appears in front of me, and makes me wonder, what the point he always appear. please help me

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Beatriz - a couple of weeks ago

Will the NC rule work for me since the guy I want to win back and I did not have much of a bond yet when we ended it. We had only known each other for 3 weeks and been on 2 dates only. So would the contact rule apply here? And if so, would you also suggest it to be for 30 days? I figured only 2 weeks would be good since he might easily forget me since we were barely starting things off. I like him a lot and want him back in my life. I’m the one who screwed it up.

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Prinseya B. - a couple of weeks ago

Hello, So I have a question that I desperately need answered. I recently walked away from an unofficial/official relationship. He just wouldn’t commit to me. We were exclusive (at least I thought we were), we did everything together, talked on the phone for hours everyday for a year. He introduce me to his family, his sisters, daughter, mother. I introduced him to mine. We did everything together, even trips and he would even go as far as to tell people/friends that I was his “woman”, but whenever I asked him directly he would always say, “we are still building, i haven’t pushed my self to be ready just yet”. When we first started we had that conversation about our wants and both of us were in a mindset of starting a relationship, having a family, and building towards that. I’m not sure what went wrong or what stopped this but everything stayed the same except for me gaining a title along the way. 6 days ago I ended it, gave him an ultimatum and literally cried for 30 mins straight asking him why he would lead me on like this and want to hurt me. I think at one point I even heard him crying because he voice sounded strange. In short I made him feel really bad. He kept saying he cared about me, but I wasn’t hearing it.All the excuses of why, weren’t doing anything but making me more mad and upset. So I told him I hope you find what your looking for, told him when he is ready to live up to his promises, than he can call me , but until then I’m done. It hurt but I had a method in mind, the NC method. I will go the thirty days but my only problem is that his Birthday falls on day 25 of the 30 days. Would it be damaging to break the NC process a few days earlier because I really don’t want to say happy birthday and then start all over again.I just know that if I completely ignore him on his Birthday there may be no getting back together or working things out. And the sad thing is he is really stubborn so there is a chance that he will refuse to reach out until I do. What do I do?

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