A thousand needles piercing through my body. That’s how I would describe the worst pain I’ve ever felt from a breakup. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. At my worst moments, I couldn’t see straight after hours of crying in and out of my sleep.
I was crushed.
And I had no idea when this pain would stop. How do I stop hurting after a break up?
If you’re going through a bad breakup now, just hang in there girl. You will feel better. The pain will subside, and you will move on and start a better life.
But how do you stop the emotional pain?
You don’t. Instead, you embrace the pain, feel its presence, and give it time to run its course. Most people make the mistake of either trying to bottle up the pain inside of them, or turn to Google searching for a 24-hour cure.
Just like a broken bone or a cold, the first thing you need to do is rest and give your mind and body some rest.
If you’re looking for a guide to help you get over your breakup, I have published my private recovery plan that I use every time I had my heart broken. It’s called Breakup Is Over and it shows you how to set up a support system to help you get back on your feet as quickly as possible.
Click on the link below for more details about my guide.
Don’t Run Away From Your Breakup Pain Even When It Hurts
I’ve written several articles about the emotional pain you’re dealing with after a breakup. Although emotions and relationships are complex, there are numerous studies to explain how your brain reacts during a break up.
Rather than get all scientific and explain the logic behind your distress, let me break it down in simple terms.
Your ex-boyfriend has been ingrained in your daily routine for a long time. He was part of your life, and in many ways, influenced the way you lived. Your ex was indeed your other or “better” half because you depended a lot on him to get through the day.
And now that you’ve broken up, your cheerleader, partner, and confidant is gone.
Which means that a part of you is literally missing. And guess what? Your brain and body don’t know how to react because it’s missing a piece of the puzzle for you to function correctly.
Your thoughts, emotions, anxiety, stress, happiness – you are having trouble controlling these feelings because you’ve haven’t been in this position for a long time. When you can’t control your feelings, it’s even harder to make sense of what’s happening around you.
So your brain is missing its feel-good hormones that were released from the love with your ex. It’s scrambling to find those hormones which create those cravings you have for your ex. This explains why you are consistently thinking about your ex and getting desperate to satisfy those needs.
Now, where’s the pain coming from? When you’re feeling emotional distress, it activates the same part of your brain when physical pain is inflicted. Your mind and body go into turbulence, causing you to feel a wide range of physical and mental pain.
Headache, tummy ache, loss of sleep. The list of pain goes on…
The bottom line, the pain is real. So don’t try to bottle it up inside of you. It will cause more anxiety and discomfort that may last longer. Acknowledge the pain and give it time to heal.
Below are some ways to help you stop hurting from your breakup and start moving on.
So, How Do I Stop Hurting After A Break Up?
In order to stop the bleeding and revive to a new awesome life, you need to focus on achieving these two things.
- Release all the toxic emotions out of your system
- Get your body active, and your mind distracted
Trust me, the worst thing you can do is to keep your distress and pain bottled up inside. It’s painful holding it in and keeping your deepest and darkest misery to yourself. Learn to fully let go of everything, including any good memories of your ex.
The faster you learn to say “f*ck it” to your breakup, the quicker you will heal and laugh about how silly you cried over someone who half-assed your relationship.
Here are some ways to help you ease the pain. The more you do, the faster you’ll get over your breakup.
1. Detach From Your Ex And Break Free
This is your number one priority. Stop thinking about your ex and remove anything that reminds you of your former flame. You need to let go of any thoughts of him and force yourself to accept your breakup.
I know it’s easier said than done. After all, your ex has been a big part of your life. But if you are willing to accept my “f*ck it” mentality, you will quickly realize that you have the power to brush off your breakup.
You’ve probably heard of no contact. This technique is mandatory to prevent yourself from contacting your ex. You’ll also need to cut your ex-boyfriend off on social media and toss away any items that remind you of him.
The more you can remove anything that reminds you of your ex, the easier it is for your brain switch to other thoughts that can improve your mental health.
Think about it. Your ex has lost feelings for you. So why do you want to waste more energy thinking about him? Maybe it’s out of your control now. But keep telling yourself that you need to let go and live your life and your brain will start to switch to your commands.
You need to accept the fact that your ex is gone. He does not want to have anything to do with you. If he can be that cold towards you, there’s no reason (and guilt) for you to feel the same way.
Even if you still love him, it doesn’t mean that you can’t manage your emotions for your own good.
2. Talk To Someone (Or An Expert) About Your Heartbreak
Again, you need to release your pain out of your system. One of the best ways is to talk your feelings out to a friend, a family member, or a therapist.
Let others help you process the pain and stress you’re going through.
Don’t be embarrassed to expose your weakness and share your broken heart with others. I know you’scared of being judged, but that should be the least of your concerns. We’ve all gone through breakups before so there’s no shame in sharing your experience. To be honest, you are a stronger person by willing to show your weaker side.
Get everything out and let your closest ally support your emotional burden. They know you’ve been burnt in a bad way. And it’s this moment of weakness where they feel the responsibility to lift you up.
Don’t be ashamed to share your sorrows. That’s what friends and family are for, right?
The only thing you should keep in mind is that everybody has their own troubles. They are going out of their way to help you work through your feelings.
With the greatest appreciation, be thankful you have great friends to lean on.
3. Give Yourself A Break And Take A Walk In A Park
I don’t know about you, but sometimes the easiest things to do are the most effective. And because it’s so easy, we put it off.
Girl, get your butt off your sofa and take a walk. Walk four blocks in the opposite direction. Take a stroll in a nearby park or neighborhood. Just soak in the environment and let your surroundings take over your mind.
Don’t listen to your playlist. Instead, practice mindfulness and let the noise in the journey wander off in your mind.
A walk in the park is what you need to take your mind off everything. It’s easy, therapeutic, and gets your body moving forward.
Not only that, it helps you clear your mind and may also help you find answers.
So walk it off. You deserve some fresh air.
4. Focus On Your Present Self To Face The Future
Every second you think about your past relationship is a second wasted living in the present. Be mindful of where you are now and what you can do to move forward with your life.
One of the best techniques is to practice mindfulness. The idea is to allow your mind to fully attend what’s happening around you, to what you’re doing and the surroundings you are moving through.
When you pay more attention to what you’re doing, your mind doesn’t take flight and wander off to other thoughts.
By staying in your present state, you’re less likely to dwell on your past and worry about your future. Not only will this help you reduce negative feelings about yourself, but you gain more control of your mind and body by focusing on your present self.
If your mind wanders off to thinking about your ex, bring your thoughts back to the task you have at hand.
5. Find Ways To Distract Yourself
Aside from giving yourself a few days to cry out your heartbreak and rest, you can’t stay in bed until the pain is gone.
It will take weeks or maybe months! And you may never stop hurting because you haven’t done anything practical to move on other than cry and rest.
So it’s time to put yourself out there, girl.
Go out with your friends, sign up for a cooking workshop, just get out of the house!
Immerse in a new environment and leverage the energy of the people around you to uplift your spirits. Let others remind you of what it’s like to be happy, to be loved and appreciated. Be inspired by the people you meet to find a new direction for your future.
The more you get out there, the faster you’ll find a way to deal with your breakup.
You need to find ways to distract your mind and occupy your time. You could throw yourself into your career or take up new hobbies. The key is to force yourself to engage with an activity so that you can take your mind off your breakup.
6. Start A Journal
I mentioned earlier that it’s unhealthy to keep your thoughts bottled inside. One of the most effective ways to release all the breakup tension is to start a journal.
Just for yourself. Write everything you’re thinking about your past relationship.
- What you’re feeling now
- What are you afraid of
- Problems in the relationship
- Why you think the relationship ended
- What you like/hate about your ex
- How you feel about your ex now
- What do you want to do next
Just write. Scribble, doodle, or whatever you feel is the best way to express yourself. The more you put your feelings on paper, the more you’ll be able to connect the dots and come to your own conclusions.
7. Read Your Past Time Favorite Books
When you’re going through a breakup, a good book can be a great source of comfort. Personally, I turn to relationship and self-help books to help me find ways to describe what I’m going through.
Others may turn to fantasy fiction that allows them to escape reality.
Whether the content is light or more technical, the best breakup books are ones that provide insights to help your process what’s going on with practical advice for you to take part.
You have a lot of questions, about your breakup, love, and your future. You’re stuck in at the crossroads not knowing what to do next and who to turn to.
Sometimes a book like “Girl, Wash Your Face” can help you find some answers once you dive into the pages.
It Takes Time To Stop Hurting
The pain you’re feeling from the breakup is real. Embrace it and let it run its course. Just like physical pain (sprained ankle), you need to give it rest and nurture the healing process.
Sitting around the house and waiting for the pain to disappear is just not going to happen. You need to use whatever is left in your energy tank and get out of your bubble to kickstart your new life.
It really isn’t hard to get over a breakup, girl. I know you have zero motivation to move on. But the truth is that you have no other choice. It’s your only path. The world is not going to stop while you cry and wish to go back to the way things were.
Remember the silver lining of breakup. It’s the “break” in your life to help you re-evaluate your choices and your goals.
You get to start over.
Have a dream? Now is the time to chase it.
So how do I stop hurting after a break up? You channel the pain as a motivation to become the best version of yourself.
No pain, no gain right?
Can’t Get Over Your Breakup?
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