Breakups are ugly and messy. The pain hits every nerve in your body and relentlessly tires you out of hope and love. For many of us, this is probably where we first got a taste of hitting rock bottom in our lives, and how the world seems to be going against you.
It’s a sh*tty position to be in, but we’ve been there once, twice, or countless times because we never learn how to get a grip on relationships.
So how long does it take to get over a heartbreak?
I’m not going to beat around the bush here. If you’re looking for an exact timeline, there’s isn’t one.
There is no timeframe when your heartbreak will be over.
And if you’re desperately looking for a magical formula or date, you’re wasting your time chasing the wrong things.
Will things get better?
You bet your boo-tay it will. So ditch your hopes for a breakup timeline and read on to understand why you’re drowning in your heartbreak, and how you can overcome it in the quickest time possible for you.
It’s not a race, but I’m going to help you speed up your recovery.
There Is No Timeline To Heal Your Broken Heart
I can’t stress this enough, there is no time frame for getting over your breakup. There is no magic math formula that calculates the “X” number of years you’ve been dating, multiplied by the number of times your ex said, “I love you.” Then you take that number and divide it by how many fights (big serious ones) that occur in the relationship per year.
Doesn’t a formula like that sound ridiculous? How is a math equation going to help you come up with a date that relinquishes you from a relationship fail? Not to mention that there are SO many emotional factors and uncountable values that are impossible to factor in.
There is no way to calculate how long it will take you to get over a heartbreak.
And it doesn’t make sense if you come up with a number because that number is baseless to begin with.
There’s another idea circulating in shows like Sexy and the City and How I Met Your Mother. The idea is that it takes half the time of your relationship to get over your heartbreak.
In other words, if your serious relationship lasted 6 years, it would take you 3 years of your precious life to officially close a chapter of your life.
That’s 1095 days! Are you going to start counting down?
I understand that it may help you move forward if there’s an end date to your heartbreak. I’ve met many people who find comfort knowing that they’ve set a deadline to end their misery and force themselves to turn their lives around by then.
For some people, this might work especially if you’re used to putting pressure on yourself.
But breakups are a different beast of challenges. They’re unlike work projects, life goals, or achievements you commit to achieving by a specific date.
Breakups are actually quite the opposite. You need to give your mind and body time to heal. The truth is that the more time you allow yourself to recover, the faster you will get over your breakup.
So by giving yourself a deadline, you’re removing the ONE thing that will help you get over your past.
Give yourself permission to grieve. Allow sufficient time for any negative feelings and emotions to flow out of your system. This is your grand opportunity to boost your self-care regimen and be selfish and ruthless about achieving items on your item list.
Bottom line, it doesn’t make sense for you to put a deadline on when you should feel better.
Every Relationship Is Different. So Is Every Breakup
Do you think everyone is able to lose weight the same way? Or does everyone have the same path to success?
No. We all find our own methods through trial and error and continue doing what’s working for us.
Same with breakups and relationships. What worked for me might not work for you. Every relationship has history and involves two individuals who are entirely different from another couple.
The end of a relationship means different things to different people. So don’t compare your heartbreak to someone else’s. How fast (or slow) they heal has very little significance to your journey.
So embrace your own recovery process and allow yourself time to heal.
Why Does It Take Some People Longer To Get Over A Breakup?
If your ex broke up with you, then it will be harder letting go (of everything). You’re still confused, lost, and in denial of what exactly happened. And you refuse to give up until you find closure to move on.
I’ve been there. Moping alone in my bed wondering how the man who I thought I could go all the way with decided to split. And I didn’t see it coming at all!
So if you’re having a hard time getting over a heartbreak, here are a few reasons that are holding you back.
1. It Wasn’t Your Idea.
Your ex broke up with you. You didn’t see it coming, but looking back at what happened, the breakup was bound to set off. Now you’re trying to piece your life back together while trying to play detective and figure out what went wrong in the relationship.
And your ex? How did he move on so quickly?
Rather than focusing on solving your past relational issues, the best thing you can do now is focus whatever’s left of your energy on moving on. Stop multi-tasking and burning your recovery efforts on two ends.
Focus on getting back on your feet first. This is the quickest way to get over your heartbreak. Once you feel indifferent about your breakup, then look back and start to pick out the lessons from the relationship.
2. You Poured Everything Into “Us”
You made sacrifices, defended your ex, and relentlessly worked to ensure that your relationship was your future.
Your relationship with your ex became your one and only life goal. And when those dreams vanished in front of your eyes, there was no way you were going to let your life’s work go down the drain.
Not in a million years, right?
I know it really sucks if you’re feeling this way right now. But the more you hold onto your attachment of your ex/relationship/future, you are never going to be able to heal your broken heart.
You need to learn to let go. Like it or not, it’s your only move.
3. Your Ex Cheated ON You
This is probably the hardest pill to swallow. And you’re probably still pissed off, wondering why on earth your ex would cheat on you. While you are doing all the little things to keep the relationship going, not only does your ex take you for granted, but he has the nerves to seek companionship outside of his boundaries.
Why not you? Why couldn’t he come to you for intimacy, love, and sex?
It’s the ultimate betrayal that will take you a long time to understand why your ex decided to look elsewhere for whatever he’s looking for.
For me, the best way to overcome this painful struggle is to let it go.
Even if he’s fault.
Even if you feel like you deserve an explanation or an apology.
It doesn’t matter now. What happened was in the past, and there’s nothing you can change about it. So why bother getting hung up on it when the best revenge is getting back out there and show everyone what your ex couldn’t appreciate about you?
The quicker you ignite indifference to this situation, the faster you’ll step out of this betrayal and get over it.
4. You Don’t Want To Get Over Your Ex
You still love him. What you had together was beautiful and perfect in your eyes, and you will do anything to go back to the way things were. If there’s one small trick that can bring your ex back into your arms, you’ll do it, right?
I admire your commitment, but it’s a lost cause when your ex doesn’t see things the same way you do.
It takes a while to let go of the “perfect” relationship. I don’t blame you if you still have strong feelings about your ex and feel strongly that this “breakup” is just temporary.
But the more you keep convincing yourself that your ex is “the one,” and longer your emotional state sits idle thinking about your breakup and what went wrong. Before you know it, your mind will be running through a series of questions about what you coulda, shoulda, woulda done to prevent the separation.
You need to stop putting your ex on a pedestal and worship him like he’s the one that got away.
It’s YOU who’s the one that got away!
In order for you to get over your heartbreak, you need to let go of your belief that your ex is the one-and-only partner for you.
Do you really think that no one can compare to him?
Is he that perfect for you?
He was. But right now, your ex made a choice to leave the relationship and pursue his own agenda without you. So think of the selfish behavior he’s done to leave you behind.
He’s over you. There’s no reason you should still be hung up on him.
So, How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Heartbreak?
Now that I’ve laid out a few big reasons why it’s hard for you to move on, I hope this helps you understand why it’s been hard for you. The more you can let go of these issues, the quicker you will heal. Again, don’t try to resolve these issues, just learn to be indifferent about it and focus on yourself now.
Now, I know you might still be pressing for a timeline. And it’s the reason why you’re reading this article to find out how long it takes to get over heartbreak.
So without further or due, here it is:
It doesn’t matter how long your relationship was, it should only take a maximum of one year to get over your heartbreak.
Now you may think that’s a long time, but in reality you will start to notice your emotional pain subsiding within a few months. The main reason why I would recommend one year is that it allows you to go through all the triggering events in your post-breakup self.
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. Feeling normal going to the same coffee shop your ex does.
During these important events, you’ll feel like something is missing and realize that it’s not the same celebration anymore. The best way to fill that empty hole is to surround yourself with friends and family and let them bring in a new tradition with you.
Whatever you do, don’t go through any event alone. If it was your anniversary, cover it up with a social event to create a new memory over it.
Give yourself time to mourn. But don’t focus on trying to figure out what happened to your relationship. It’s gone, and there’s no other way for you but to move forward first. If you can make a small effort every day to focus on yourself, the thought of your breakup will eventually disappear.
How I Got Over My Heartbreak In 2 Weeks
For me, it takes a few weeks for me to get over a heartbreak. It’s not because I’ve gone through many breakup. Trust me, it doesn’t get easier, and the heartbreaks are never the same. But having gone through a few rounds myself, I’ve created a blueprint to carry me through the emotional pain and prevent me from going into a downward spiral.
When I’m heart-broken, I know it’s hard for me to think straight and function. I go through the same emotional stress as everyone else, trying to dissect every moment of my past relationship to see if I can find a small piece of hope to get back together again.
To prevent me from suffering from stuck-in-breakup analysis paralysis, I created a list of things to do that would help me set up a support system to distract my feelings and focus on myself.
It’s my personal breakup kit and for private use only. But I’ve shared it with some coaching clients and friends to see if it works for them. The feedback has been positive, and a lot of people who have tried it have found their footing in a very short time.
If you think this guide can help you, I have published it into an eBook for anyone that needs help on getting over a breakup.
It’s called Breakup Is Over and the details are in the link below.
Can’t Get Over Your Breakup?
Get my best tips on dealing with a breakup with this new guide.
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