Just Broke Up?
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I hate to break it to you, but moving on from your past relationship requires you to let go of two things.
- Your past relationship
- Your ex
While most breakup advice focus on moving on from the relationship and dealing with a breakup, learning how to get over your ex is another battle of its own. In fact, it’s the harder part of the problem since your mind is swimming with positive memories of you and your ex.
You just can’t get over him. How long does it take to get over someone?
You think you’ve moved on even after months or years after your breakup. But every now and then, you dream about your ex smiling at you, which gives you a pinch of hope that there’s still a chance to fulfill your fantasy future with him.
It happens. And it haunts you throughout the day because the dream seemed so real and within reach, especially if your ex hasn’t hitched his wagon.
I know you might feel upset when you can’t control your mind from thinking about your ex. You feel weak and ashamed. The urge to think about his presence and reminisce the good old days are overbearing your new mindset. You start to have regrets of your past and wished things could have gone differently.
And you start to wonder if you still have a chance with your ex, right?
Don’t feel guilty having any of these thoughts. It’s perfectly normal. I get them all the time too. In fact, it takes a little practice to ignore sudden thoughts about your ex.
If you are having trouble getting over your ex-boyfriend, I’m going to provide some reasons that’s preventing you from truly moving on from him.
At the end of this article, you won’t be asking yourself how long it takes to get over your ex anymore. Instead, you’ll find out what it’s going to take to move on and him in the dust.
Is There Really A Timeline to Get Over Someone After A Breakup?
No, there is no timeline.
There is no rule or mathematical equation that will give you a deadline to officially move on from your ex.
If you’re disappointed to hear this, don’t be. In fact, you don’t want to have a deadline saying that you must be over someone by then.
It just doesn’t make sense!
Love is not mathematical, it’s emotional and sometimes, unexplainable. Your feelings cannot be measured by days.
So take as long as you need to train your mind to think of your ex as an afterthought. There’s no guarantee that your old self won’t sneak up on you when you dream about your ex or actually run into him one day.
The key is to control your emotions and prevent it from getting the best of you.
It could take weeks, months, or even years to minimize your ex’s influence on you. The good thing is that you don’t have to be completely over him to feel like you’ve moved on. A research study conducted by relationship expert Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. found that its participants took 3 months to get over someone. The study also showed that people were able to move on by attracting positive emotions through rediscovery of self, and self-expansion and other coping strategies.
Another study conducted by One Poll revealed that Americans go through three major break-ups in their lifetime. The average time to get over them is one year and a half.
See? Two studies ranging from three months to a year and a half. That’s a big ballpark for you get through your heartbreak and forget about your ex.
It’s hard not to think about him. But if you make an effort every day to leave him out of your life, your brain will gradually rewire and leave your ex out of the picture. Eventually, you won’t know when you’ve stopped thinking about your ex.
All you’ll feel is that this emotional weight is off your shoulders and you can live freely and love somebody again.
The More Attached You Are, The Longer It Takes To Get Over Him
One of best ways to determine how long it will take to get over someone is to measure how emotionally attached they were to their ex.
The more emotionally attached you are, the longer your healing process will take.
This is not related to the length of your relationship. You could have a two-year relationship, but your feelings of one another have faded long before the breakup. Since the relationship was on borrowed time, the time it takes to get over one another might be quicker.
On the other hand, you might hit it off with this guy only after a few months of dating. You’re still running high on emotions and can’t believe you landed the perfect guy. So while your mind is still deeply attached to your ex and the fantasy you’ve created around him, it’s going to harder for you to deal with the separation and loss.
The more emotionally attached you are to your ex, the longer it’s going to take to get over him.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over Someone You Love?
It’s going to take some time to get over the love of your life. Especially when you’ve spent so much time together and lived an inseparable life for so long. Your ex was part of your identity who had an impact on your everyday life.
Now that he’s out of the picture, it feels like a part of you is missing.
It’s not your feelings that are affected. It’s your entire life. What’s going to determine whether you’ve truly moved on from your ex depends on how quickly you can get back on your feet and live your life on your own.
I believe truly that you will never truly get over someone.
That person will always be a part of your life that will affect how make decisions today. Your ex is a part of your history and it’s okay to let old feelings come up from time to time.
What matter is that you don’t make a big deal about it. Just let the feelings pass by and smile that something great once happened in your life. The breakup was bad, but once you’ve had some time to reflect, you’ll come to terms that it was time for you to move on.
The emotions may never go away, but they will get smaller and have less of an impact on your life.
Taking Too Long To Get Over Someone? Here’s Why.
First of all, breathe and relax. Stop thinking too hard about the problem and trying to find a shortcut to get over someone. The more you think about the problem, the more you’re thinking about him!
Below are 3 reasons why you are having a hard time letting go.
1. You Can’t Let Go Of Your Fantasy
Sometimes, it’s not your ex that you’re having a hard time letting go. It’s the fantasy of your future that you can’t see vanish in front of your eyes. With that fantasy comes months of nighttime talks, sacrifices, and countless energy to move the relationship closer to your dream love life coming true.
And all it took was one breakup to destroy all the effort you’ve made towards realizing your fantasy.
I know it’s hard to let go of your fantasy. But keep in mind that it’s a dream, a plan that’s not real yet.
Instead, focus on the reality of your relationship. Was it that good? Or are just picturing great moments that fit into your fantasy? You see, we tend to focus on the great moments with our ex and push down on the negative aspects.
We value those great moments exponentially that they cloud our judgment.
In some relationships, there weren’t a lot of great moments. But when something special happened, it mattered. We tend to inflate the best memories with our ex that we make it hard for ourselves to let go.
So re-evaluate your past relationship and your ex. I promise you that not everything was all roses.
One more thing, your fantasy isn’t completely lost.
It’s still yours and stored in the back of your mind. Al you have to do is swap your ex out with someone who’s more qualified, charming, and reliable that he is.
2. Starting Over Scares You.
Just the thought of starting over intimidates people. After everything you’ve been through with your ex, you it makes more sense to stay in your comfort zone and give into your ex. You’ve probably made a few sacrifices already to keep the relationship going. A few more won’t hurt right?
Wrong. You’ll have no dignity left if you keep letting your ex to walk over you.
Look, I know starting over is hard. You’re staring into a blank space that used to be filled with a promising future that you’ve shed blood and tears creating. It’s like your happiness is also taken and you have no idea how to find it again.
The new single life doesn’t intrigue you. You have to put yourself out there, brush up on your social skills, and woman up to any challenges ahead of you alone. It’s all too much.
Here’s the brutal part: it’s an uphill battle from here to redeem your self-worth.
You’re not proving anything to anyone. Just proving to yourself that you can ride solo is already a daunting challenge.
Here’s the thing. Don’t be scared. Even if you are, you don’t have a choice. This is one of those hurdles in life where you don’t have a choice but to move forward. The comfort zone you are sitting in right now is way too small and toxic for your well-being.
You have a responsibility to live your own life and define your own happiness. Don’t let a toxic relationship and a man who takes you for granted define your future.
Finding any excuse to take the first step out of your comfort zone only delays your time to move on. The only person you’re hurting is yourself.
Don’t deny yourself any chance to reclaim your greatness.
3. You Think That’s The Best You Can Get (And Deserve)
If you’ve been in a few relationships and the last one was great, it’s going to be hard to get over your ex who’s given you the best relationship run. After many tries, you finally found a guy who was great.
You start to think that he’s the one that got away.
Your ex was the one that gave you the happiness you’ve dreamed of. He made you laughed in ways you never imagined. He brought the best out of you.
If this was all true, then your ex is the reason for your happiness, right?
No. You own your happiness. You only allowed your ex to be a generator that contributed to your smiles and laughs. Which means you can take it away anytime and pass that power to someone else.
It might take a while to find happiness with someone again. But what’s more important right now is to find out how you can always hold the power and control of putting your own interests and well-being first.
It might sound a little selfish, but that’s the only way you can guarantee that no one can have a hold on you that influences your goals.
If you think your ex is the only person that can bring the best out of you, then you are already devaluing yourself. Because you’re admitting that your ex is that one person rather than yourself.
You’re the only person that can bring and control what’s best for you.
Remember, you shine your own light.
Forget How Long It Takes, Focus On Your Space
I know you’re here to find out how long it takes to get over someone after a breakup. Instead, you find plenty of reasons on what’s holding you back from moving on.
The truth is that time doesn’t matter. And there’s nobody but you who can give you a realistic timeline. As long as you are making progress every day to create a better version of yourself, your thoughts and cravings for your ex will slowly disappear.
And when the thought of your ex springs up, it won’t have take over your emotions.
Right now, you need to respect the pain and the feelings you’re going to. Don’t bury your feelings and keep your emotions inside. Learn to release it and process it. If you find yourself thinking about your ex, acknowledge it and work through your thoughts.
Accept what you feel and find a reason to close that feeling. It defines your own closure that you can live with. Trust me, when that same thought tries to haunt you again, you’ll have the right answers to overthrow its influence on you.
That’s when you know you’re over someone for good.
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