I know you’re going through a rollercoaster right now. You still can’t believe you’ve broken up with your ex, and everything you’ve put into the relationship is now gone. The feelings of failure, shame, and hopelessness hit you like a tsunami while you sob in your bed, hoping to figure out what went wrong.
You want answers and advice—explanations to how you two ended up in separate ways. And regardless of how many members of your friends and family are willing to listen and comfort you, the only person you want to talk to is your ex. Is it too much to ask your ex for a quick conversation?
So how long should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?
Honestly, it depends. There’s no formula or fixed time that dictates how long you should wait to talk to your ex. An easy general rule is 30 days if you follow the No Contact Rule And that’s the minimum amount of time before you even pick up the phone and text your ex-boyfriend. Anything earlier, while you are processing your painful breakup, is a bad idea.
But take a deep breath and think about why you are in a rush to reach out to your ex? Is it because you want him to explain why he dumped you? Or do you want to apologize and tell him you’ll change and be a better girlfriend?
Are you seeking a valid reason for why he broke up with you? If you’re looking for closure, let me save you the misery right now and tell you that you’re not going any valuable truth from your former flame.
Don’t get me wrong. There are legitimate reasons to reach out to your ex-boyfriend and talk to him. For example, if you want to get back together, then it’s always worth checking if your ex still has feelings for you.
But you have to ready.
That’s my whole point. Instead of coming up with an arbitrary timeline, the right time to talk to your ex is when you are ready. For me, this means a few things:
- you have moved on from the past relationship and breakup
- you have physically, emotionally, and mentally changed to a better version of yourself
- you can be positive around your ex
So stop thinking about how many days and months it’ll be till it’s time to reach out to your ex. The faster you recover from the emotional pain and work on yourself, the easier it will be to talk to your ex without any jitter.
Best-case scenario, you’ll be ready to approach your ex in 30 days once you have found a new source of strength and courage to prove your worth. For now, the safest answer is to wait and be selfish with the time you’ve given to focus on yourself.
How Long Should I Wait To Talk To My Ex After A Break Up?
So let’s break it down a bit. You’re angry, sad, with mixed emotions running through your mind. You’re going through confusing feelings that have left you broken and shook to the core. You just don’t know if you hate or love your ex.
If you’re feeling this way, you are not ready to talk to your ex.
Right now, the 30 Day Rule will help you get control of your emotions and break up trauma to settle down. Trust me, in these 30 days, you do not want to reach out to your ex. Because no matter how ready you (think) you feel, you’re still an emotional disaster inside. The second you hear your ex’s voice, your whole game plan is going to fall apart and leave you uncontrollably talking to your ex.
So give yourself a couple of months to recover and shake off your bad breakup. My general rule of thumb is this: if you have one ounce of negative emotion (hate, anger, distrust, etc.) towards your ex, then it’s not the right time to speak with him. As long as you have unresolved feelings about your ex or the breakup, then you are not in the right state of mind to have proper communication with your ex-boyfriend.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve waited 30 days, three months, or one year. Any evidence of revenge in your mind is going to put you right back to the moment your ex broke up with you. And guess what? The only person losing this battle and respect is you.
Right now, it would be best if you weren’t thinking about anything related to your ex. It’s a stressful time where reaching out to him shouldn’t even be on your list. I know it’s hard to stop thinking about your former flame and wondering what he’s up to. It’s a normal reaction that’s embedded in our instincts to wonder how their daily life is going. It’s hard to resist the temptation to pick up the phone and hear his voice again.
You’re not over him yet.
But trust me, work on your emotional and mental self first. Give yourself the proper set time of 30 days to get back on your feet and learn to be independent again. Once you are ready, then you’ll have a lot of better things to say to your ex than trying to find answers to the past.
Just wait. Let all the feelings, pain, and longings for your ex fade away first. You don’t want to sound desperate when you get the chance to talk to your ex again.
How Long Does It Take For Guys To Regret Breaking Up?
It’s different for every guy and every relationship. It also depends on how attached the guy was to his partner and who initiated the breakup. Generally speaking, guys will start to feel a sense of regret within a month of breaking up. That’s usually enough time for a guy to realize that they’ve lost something that’s been a big part of life.
It’s part of a dumper’s remorse if the man is the one who initiated the breakup. He starts to miss your presence, your laughter, and all the little things you did to make him special. He misses having someone next to him. Once your ex gets over his breakup grief, he starts to realize how much impact you have made in his life.
Don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t mean that your ex wants to get back with you. Even though he regrets breaking up with you, your ex may have a stronger feeling that moving on is better for him. The regret might be short-lived as he finds new distractions to fill that void (you) in his life.
But trust me, your ex is hurting. Possibly just as much as you are. Let him work through his remorse and feeling of regret on his own and hope that he’ll be the one first to initiate contact with you.
Should I Reach Out To My Ex Or Wait?
If you find yourself asking whether you should reach out to your ex or wait, then it’s generally better to wait. Because if you are asking this question, then it means that you’re not ready. You have some doubt lingering in your mind whether it’s a good idea to reach out to your ex or not.
Or maybe you’re just not confident enough yet.
Like I mentioned earlier, you must feel a hundred percent ready. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Only your well-being can determine whether you should reach out to your ex.
And if you do talk to your ex-boyfriend, you better be doing it for the right reasons. Show genuine care with your questions and keep your composure at all times. Talk to him like you’re looking for a friendship. You want to come across as a winner, and the woman who your ex for sure made a mistake of letting go.
Only reach out to your ex when you have fully moved on from your past relationship. Let go of all the hard feelings and nostalgia you hope to spark from your ex. You want to let go of your past and try to create a new attraction with your ex-boyfriend.
Here’s a quick exercise, ask yourself this: why do you want to get in touch with your ex? Write down your personal feelings and see if it’s worthy of rekindling that connection with your former flame.
If you do decide to reach out, start slow and talk about neutral topics. Be a genuine friend who sincerely cares about your ex’s well-being. Even if you have intentions to get back together, any move too fast will come across as a threat to your ex and put him back in defensive mode.
The bottom line, you’re trying to make a second first impression. Take the time to plan out and train yourself to be the person you want your ex to see.
How Long Does It Take For An Ex To Miss You With No Contact?
If you’ve started the No Contact Rule, good for you! I know it’s a challenging process to go through, especially when your mind keeps thinking about your ex and all the million things you could’ve done to change the outcome of your relationship.
It’s hard to stop your mind from playing back your lost relationship and thinking about the great moments you two shared.
You miss him. And at the same time, you wonder if your ex misses you too. So how long does it take for an ex to miss you with this time without contact?
The answer is, it depends. But I wouldn’t be surprised if your ex starts to miss you in as little as two weeks. And possibly even sooner if you’ve had a long relationship.
Once your ex has cooled down from the breakup, he’ll start to feel like something is missing in his life. He finds it hard to get through his day, and he starts to realize how much you have been a part of his life.
Don’t get me wrong. Your ex may start to miss your presence while you’re completely out of his life. But that doesn’t mean he wants to get back with you. During this time period, your ex is contemplating and reshuffling his life to determine how he should move forward.
And while he’s doing that, this is the exact same thing you should do.
Focus on yourself.
Give yourself a break from relationships. Find out what things you want to tick off on your bucket list before you dive into another love affair.
Will No Contact Make Him Move On?
Honestly, it’s hard to say if your ex will move on after No Contact. Some guys will realize that they made a stupid mistake of letting you go only after a few weeks. Other men might have made up their minds before the breakup and have made a final decision to move on with their lives. It’s a difficult situation to pinpoint as every guy is different in his motive to end a relationship.
What’s most important is to stop thinking about what your ex will do. This is out of your control, and fussing over his next move isn’t going to help you recover or become a better person.
In fact, you’ll be stuck in the same dark hole, living in the past, wondering why your ex left you.
So if your ex moves on after No Contact, it’s his loss. Give him the time and space to work out his personal issues.
Does Silence Make A Man Miss You?
If you’re using the No Contact Rule, it has the power to make a man miss you. However, merely giving your ex the silent treatment isn’t enough to make him want to talk to you in 1-6 months. You can’t just sit around, check your phone, and wait for your ex to show up. Or if you are partying all the time, trying to mask your sorrow and make your ex jealous, he’s going to see right through you.
Does silence make a man miss you? Yes, but only if you use the time to practice the Radio Silence Technique to your advantage. You need to block the next 30 days and guard it selfishly where you focus entirely on yourself.
The No Contact Rule is effective if you use the time to put in the work and energy to become a new and improved version of yourself. Find meaningful activities where you can thrive on your own again.
If your ex sees that you are moving on in a positive direction with success to parade around, he’s going to be more inclined to talk to you.
By spending more time doing things that make you happy, it’s going to attract attention. People want to be close to you and feed off your energy. And trust me, your ex is going to notice.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Still In Love With You?
It’s confusing how your ex can love you the night before and abruptly fallen out of love the next day. Does he still love you or not? You might think your ex is completely over you based on the rough conversations during the breakup. But people usually say and do things they don’t mean in heated exchanges when different kinds of emotions are clouding over their logical approach.
Once you and your ex have a chance to cool down and look back at your relationship, there might be some signs that your ex is still in love with you. Here are a few subtle signs:
His social media activities.
If your ex still has his profile picture set to show the two of you, it’s possible that he’s not over you yet. Deep down, he still thinks of you as his current partner. If he’s making comments and leaving emojis on your posts, it’s a good sign that he’s keeping track of your moves. It could mean that he still has feelings for you, or else he wouldn’t comb through your Facebook like a regular activity. Sure, he’s stalking you a bit. But if it doesn’t bother you, just let your ex do his thing and quietly stay updated with his status.
It’s possible to be friends after a breakup.
His friends are dropping hints.
Maybe your ex isn’t ready to ask for a second chance yet, but he’s dropping hints to his crew about getting back together. He’s missing you badly and can’t stop talking about you with his friends. If word gets around to you that your ex still has feelings for you, then it might be a sign that he’s not over you yet.
The guy is still in plenty of pain. Give him time to recoup and let him find his way to win you back as his romantic partner again.
He’s still there for you.
Does your ex offer to fix things and call you from time to time to see if you need help? Does he still remind you to pay your bills because you have the habit of forgetting? If your ex still wants to be your handyman, that clearly means that he still cares about you
And he’s willing to go out of his way to make sure you’re doing well.
Maybe he feels bad that you two ended on bad terms and realize that you deserve better. Either way, if your ex shows genuine sincerity to help you out, this is a treasured friendship you shouldn’t neglect.
Who knows, the guy might express his deep affection for you once again when the moment is right.
How Long Is Too Long To Contact An Ex?
There is no fixed rule that determines how long is too long to contact an ex. It all depends on the reason why you want to reach out. You can be talking to your ex within 30 days to apologize and make things right or reach out to him in 3 years to congratulate him on his big promotion.
The worst idea is to contact your ex constantly right after your breakup
Once you have completed the No Contact Rule, it’s never a bad move when you have something positive to say. Reach out to your ex in good faith and be ready to handle some awkward silences.
There is perhaps only one situation where I would refrain from contacting an ex. If your ex is in a post breakup relationship and they seem to be getting serious. I would evaluate the situation first and consult friends on whether to reach out to my ex or not.
Will He Forget About Me With No Contact?
Regardless if your past relationship was healthy or not, your ex is not going to forget you during the No Contact period. It’s not easy to just forget about someone, especially when that person has been an integral part of their life for a long period of time.
Even if you think your ex is giving you the silent treatment, he’s still processing the breakup while feeling nostalgic about the good old days with you. Right now, your ex needs the time and space to figure out what he really wants. And even if he feels like he’s made the right decision to split (for the time being), you will always remain a part of him.
Guys care about their exes, and it takes a lot more than a breakup to forget their loved ones.
However, if you are thinking about this question right now, you ask the wrong questions to help you heal. You need to redirect your focus on things that matter to you and how you plan to move forward as a person.
Your ex is no longer in the picture and shouldn’t be part of the healing process until you are mentally fit to reach out to him. For now, learn to ignore your unresolved feelings and focus on some meaningful activities that will help you bring back your spark.
RELATED: Does No Contact Work On Men?
Should I Call My Ex For Closure?
No, you should not call your ex for closure. The simple reason is that you’re not going to get the truth out of your ex. And even if he does explain why he broke up with you, how much of what he says is true? Plus, your ex doesn’t want to hurt your feelings anymore. He would rather put the blame on him and explain how he’s not ready to commit more to the relationship and needs time to figure stuff out by himself.
Does his opinion matter to you now? If so, why does it still matter so much to you when he has decided to end the relationship?
On the other hand, you don’t need closure from your ex to truly move on. You just need to find the right answers within yourself that you can live with. This is one of the things you need to complete during the No Contact period. Take the time to reflect on your past relationship and determine how you failed your role as a girlfriend. A relationship is a two-way street which means you have just as much to blame as your ex.
If you can recognize your flaws and come to terms with your failures, then that’s all the closure you need. The next step would be to fix those flaws, so they don’t pass on into your next relationship.