Updated: October, 2019
Trying to make your ex boyfriend miss you badly? Let’s face it, relationships are hard. Men are difficult to understand. And even when a couple has everything going for them, things can fall apart. Which is probably what happened to you and your old flame. It’s also probably why you are now asking yourself (and me) how to make your ex boyfriend miss you.
If you truly want to make someone miss you, there are small changes you can make that will help you instantly get your ex’s attention and show him what he’s missing out on.
This is what you want. Right?
I am going to teach you, how to make him miss you and want you back. As it should be – with lots of apologies and flowers if we do our job right! It is an endeavor that starts with reminding him of what he has lost. Never forget what a catch you are. Your ex boyfriend was lucky to have you before and he will be lucky to have you again.
1. Get Out of Dodge and Just Let Go
You have to stay away from him and start your new life without him by your side.
Now, I know what you are thinking: “how do I make my ex miss me?” Look, you and I both know it’s not as simple as snapping your fingers and making it happen. If it were, you would have already done that.
But figuring out how to make your ex miss you is possible. And the good news is, it starts with a vacation, or a little pampering.
That’s right. You now have the perfect excuse to get out of dodge.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and a little distance between you and your ex boyfriend right now is exactly what the doctor ordered. If you want to get your former flame to miss you, you need to pack a bag and peace out.
Book a ticket somewhere you have always wanted to go. Cash in your PTO days at work. Plan on getting a new stamp on your passport. Call up some friends and propose a grand adventure. It really doesn’t matter where you go – just that you go. And that you post lots of photos online and brag to your friends about what a great time you are having.
Before you know it, the seeds will have been planted to make your ex miss you like crazy. And you will be having a blast building up a master plan. All by just having fun.
Can’t leave town? You can:
- Spend a day at the spa.
- Go visit friends for a weekend getaway.
- Start going to the gym and working on yourself.
- Cross out one of your lifetime desires on your bucket list.
The goal is to get away from him. If you can’t get out of dodge, don’t contact him and spend a week regrouping. Do something fun, visit your friends, go to the movies, show him that your life hasn’t stopped.
Here’s what happens when you leave town after a breakup: word gets back to your ex boyfriend, who assumes you are already moving on. That ignites a touch of regret in him, as your former flame wonders whether he may have made a mistake in letting you go.
Which, for the record, he totally did.
The best part is that he now realizes you aren’t just waiting at home for him. He can’t call you up for a late night drunken bootie call, or decide he has changed his mind and beg to see you tomorrow. You are gone, and with that distance he realizes that you are currently out of reach. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t permanent; this gives him a taste of what it would be like if that separation were final.
And trust me, he won’t like it.
I’ve seen this one in action first hand. Years ago, when I split from my ex, I decided I deserved a vacation. I did it mostly for me, needing a bit of spiritual cleansing from the chaos that had been our ending. So I booked a ticket to Thailand and took off halfway across the world all on my own. I was already gone by the time he heard about my adventure; one we had always talked about taking together. Let’s just say that when I got home… there were a lot of frantic calls and texts waiting for me.
I broke his hold on me and did something for me. The texts and frantic calls were the icing on the cake; he was already dying for a way back into my life.
Because ironically, the best way to make him miss you, is to make him believe you have stopped missing him.
Boys are funny like that, fragile little egos in even the most burly of men.
2. Play Coy And Let Him Wonder For Awhile
A lot of women have the bad habit of wearing their hearts on their sleeves. To some extent, we can’t help it. We love with full and adoring hearts, and often – that is what endears men to us in the first place. But in the midst of a breakup, when you are looking for ways to make him miss you, that vulnerability needs to be kept in check.
Let him be the vulnerable one for a little while.
Your internal thought process right now may be a steady stream of questions:
“Does my ex boyfriend miss me?”
“What will make my ex miss me?”
“How do I know if my ex misses me?”
But you want to keep those questions to yourself for now. I know it’s hard. I know that as women, we are wired to communicate. You want to talk through your feelings with everyone you know – analyzing and rehashing the details of your breakup until you feel better.
But now is the time to play coy. Because if anyone knows that you are trying to figure out how to get him to want you back, that information will find its way to your ex in no time.
And as we’ve already discussed – you don’t want him to know that you miss him. Not now at least. He needs to think you are moving on, igniting in him the desire to win you back.
So cover that heart of yours up for just a little while and keep your cards close to your chest. You want to be the one in control here. Remember, it is him who should be missing you.
For the record, it is normal for you to spend nights wondering and worrying, wasting countless hours Googling how to make your ex boyfriend want you back. Most women experience a similar state of grief and even single-mindedness at this point, so don’t chastise yourself for that.
In fact, get a journal and use that to document this emotional process. Just don’t let anyone else in on what you are currently feeling. Now is the time to put on a happy face and pretend all is well.
Think of it as faking it to make it; pretending you are just fine, until you actually are just fine.
3. Get Back to Your Life and He Will Come Knocking
It’s time to get back to your life. You’re probably having the urge to jump at him and fall deeply in love again, but it’s not time yet.
You have taken your awesome vacation and put on a happy face. You haven’t shown up on his friends’ doorsteps begging, “Please, just make him miss me!” or pounded down his door and sobbed for another chance. You have held your head high and pretended like an Oscar winning actress.
The kind who doesn’t wind up in the tabloids, of course.
The point is, you have worked hard. And if you just hold tight a little longer, you will get to see the fruits of your labor.
It is right around this stage that a lot of women start to get nervous. They haven’t heard from their old flames yet, and they start to fear that they never will. But just as you are reaching a point of desperation, he is reaching the height of missing you. I have seen it happen time and time again.
Breakups are basically a play for power, and if you can stick to the act just a bit longer… the power will be in your hands.
So stop. Stop staring at your phone and checking your text messages 100 times a day. Leave the damn thing at home if you need to. Obsessing over his lack of communication won’t make him reach out any faster, it will just make you crazy. Get back to your life instead, remaining confident in the fact that he will eventually cave and call.
You can’t, by no means, make the first contact. Make him sweat until he breaks down.
4. Reel Him in Slowly With Texting
After playing a bit of cat and mouse with your ex, you can finally agree to see him. This is where all of your hard work will finally pay off.
How do you start slowly? Texting.
Texting allows you to break the ice. You don’t need to be witty or hear his voice or laugh just yet. Instead, start with a simple text message:
“Hey remember that time we went to….”
“I was wondering if you still have my….”
You get the point. Make him think of a good moment that you two cherished, but don’t cave just yet. The goal is to make him think of the past and how special your relationship really was.
Once you get his attention, don’t be lightning fast to respond back to him; make him wait a bit. You want him to know he’s on your mind, but you don’t want to be available just yet.
It will come to the point where the two of you can finally see each other. When this happens, you’ll want to proceed to the actual in-person meeting.
5. Finally, Knock His Socks Off
Wear an outfit you know he loves; one that will remind him of good times you used to have together. Smile when you see him, and share a warm and genuine hug. Then, focus on being the girl he fell in love with. Remember that girl? The one who, in the beginning of your relationship, was fun and easy-going? Be her. Leave the heavy stuff for later. Right now, you just want him to enjoy being around you.
And you know what? You want to enjoy being around him too.
The more you can remind him of that girl he used to love, the more your ex will start to fall for you again. Relationships are hard, and there will always be hurdles. But learning how to tap back into those beginning stages of falling in love will help you to make things work this next time around.
So keep the relationship talk off the table and just have fun together for a little while. Keep your pants on while you’re at it; the two of you will be easing back into relationship territory before you know it.
And enjoy it. It’s not every day you get a do-over in falling in love!
p.s. If you’re unsure what kind of text messages will get his attention, take a look at Text Your Ex Back which includes lessons and examples to help you craft the perfect message