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One of the hardest things about breakups is accepting the fact that your ex is gone. This is someone with whom you have spent the majority of your day and night. Someone with who you’ve shared your deepest secrets and created the most amazing memories. But now that your romantic relationship is over, all those great moments rush into your head and make you miss your ex-boyfriend.
“Charice, I miss my ex. What should I do?”
I get many emails asking for relationship advice on how to deal with their unresolved emotions on missing their exes. Some women miss their ex-boyfriends so much that they want them back. Others want to move on and seek emotional independence temporarily. But before we dig into these strong feelings, keep in mind that you should be following the No Contact Rule as part of your healing process from a breakup.
This means that you should not attempt to make any make contact with your ex during this period of time regardless of how well you reasoned with yourself to reach out to him and get that sense of fulfillment.
For now, focus on building a healthy relationship with yourself and make time with friends.
It’s normal to get miss your ex from time to time. Whether it’s a new breakup or you’ve moved on for a while, those moments of your past with your ex will randomly creep up into your life and make you miss you. For some people, it’s a painful experience when you strongly still believe your ex is the love of your life, but he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Every time you feel the need to reach out to him, it’s a reminder that you once had a connection with him.
So what should you do if you miss your ex?
Regardless of whether you want to get your ex back or not, you do not wish thoughts of your ex to linger in your mind and give you a tough time. It might look like a complicated process to dismiss those conflicted feelings of your ex, but all you need is a game plan.
As a relationship coach for many years, I have always recommended my clients to develop a distraction plan whenever they start missing their exes. This distraction can be as simple as calling your friends to go out or spending time with your family. The key is to quickly get into physical activity to take your mind off your ex. The truth is, your mind will always want to explore the relationship you had with your ex. And if you allow it to be, it will linger around what it was like when you were in love or how things could’ve been different.
Your goal is to stop your thoughts from dead in the track and divert your attention elsewhere. By simply spending time with people and strengthening the loving relationship you have with them, you are effortlessly creating a distraction to put your attention on your loved ones. Trust me, this formula has a high track record of success that can be implemented in little time.
All you need is to have your go-to best friend on speed dial and be ready to be spontaneous.
If you follow my positive plan, you won’t be lost when you miss your ex? Perhaps you’re not ready for the dating scene yet, but that’s okay. Your goal is not to let those thoughts stay in your mind and expand to a point it consumes you. You may not want to do anything until you start feeling better about your breakup.
Trust me, it’s normal to be out of focus and be in a confused state of mind. If you take the time to walk through the healing process, you will slowly become more attentive to your life. You will realize that there are so many pleasurable things for you to enjoy that didn’t involve your ex at all. Your relationship with yourself will begin to strengthen, and your sense of fulfillment in life will start to grow. No matter how much you miss your ex, the sooner you embrace these changes, the better it is for you.
So when you start missing your ex, here are a few ways to deal:
1. Take advantage of your days off work.
Make time to do things that lift your spirit. Take a hike in nature or explore a new part of the city you live in. You can even invite some friends along.
2. Do something creative.
Whether baking a cake, painting, writing, drawing, or photography. You can even take up an activity that allows you to get into your body and use your hands because this will help release endorphins in the brain, which will help make you feel good!
3. Surround yourself with loved ones.
Take advantage of the loving support of your family and friends. If you have great relations with your loved ones, they can not only make you feel better but can help distract you from thinking about your ex.
4. Write in a journal every day.
Reflect on what is happening in your life. Keeping a journal after breakup will help you discover what is holding you back from feeling happy and allow you to take the appropriate actions to move forward.
5. Do things that make you feel good.
Indulge in the things you enjoy, such as reading a book, watching your favorite TV show, listening to music, or going to a spa.
The key is to get out there and take advantage of your single life. Go the extra mile to try new things and redefine yourself. If you have thoughts about your ex-boyfriend, try to see them from a positive angle and channel your past into something powerful. Perhaps a personal transformation that will make you stronger mentally and physically.
The main reason why you miss your ex so badly is that you let your mind do it. The minute you stop trusting your decision-making skills and place all the accountability on your feelings, you start feeling lost. This is exactly what happens when you begin to look at your ex as an obstacle in your life.
You might not realize that he is the one who put up that wall before but instead of taking it away, you let yourself be stuck in a life full of suffering. By allowing him to dictate how you feel, you have left yourself at one side of a war he has created. The obvious question is why?
Are your thoughts about your ex correct? Do they define the person you were in love with? Are they characteristics that he should carry into his next relationship? Aren’t these thoughts a repetition of what happened, or are you projecting it onto how things played out?
To know for sure, you have to objectively analyze yourself and see if every thought you have matches the reality of what happened.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when you miss your ex:
1. Is it possible that you are thinking about him because you’re afraid to move on? Are you letting your ex be a barrier between you and freedom? It’s important to acknowledge this possibility. Because if nothing else, it means you have something holding it back from being happy.
2. Is he the only man you’ve ever loved? If he is, that’s a problem. It means that you haven’t experienced love from other men and, therefore, cannot understand what kind of person will ultimately satisfy you.
3. Are your expectations too high because you can’t match up with them? Perhaps your expectations can be adjusted based on reality instead of ideological thinking. Instead of being judgmental or having unrealistic ideas about who your soul mate should be, try to focus on what is in front of you.
If this is a reason for your breakup, then you have to learn to lower your expectations, so you don’t end up feeling let down.
4. What are the possibilities that he didn’t share those feelings? If he was reluctant to commit, there is a strong possibility he wasn’t ready to settle down. This is one of the most difficult reasons for a breakup, and it’s been happening for centuries.
Take the time to go through these questions and determine what’s holding you back from moving on.
One of the fatal mistakes people make is telling their ex that they miss them. Don’t do it. I’ve heard way too many bad experiences about people making this big mistake. It naturally comes off as desperate. Don’t be desperate; don’t make the mistake of thinking that him missing you is good for you. It’s not; it’s only keeping yourself in the misery of being in an unhappy relationship that you should be freeing yourself from. Think about it. If you could choose to be sad because you miss him or happy because you’re moving forward in your life, which do you think is better?
You can’t tell your ex that you miss them if it’s not true. Think about it, and the answer should be clear. You shouldn’t need to lie to yourself and everyone around you when moving on is the best decision. At least try to move on without making a big deal out of it.
Don’t let him dictate your life anymore. You need to snap out of the emotional dependence on your ex and know your self-worth. Make it clear to him that you’re moving on and make him understand how much better your life will be once he does too.
Yes, it’s normal to randomly miss your ex. If you have truly moved on, these thoughts will quickly breeze through your mind and not affect you. But if you feel guilty or don’t want to think about him, this could be a sign that you’re not ready to move on yet. It’s important to assess yourself and see if you’re truly over your ex.
This is a difficult task and not something you can accomplish overnight. It takes time and effort, but it will make you a much stronger person when you do finally let go of your past.
Get My Guide On Surviving No Contact: Breakup Is Over!
Remember, you don’t have to feel guilty about missing your ex. It happens to everyone. But don’t let those feelings control you. Plan how you’re going to deal with them and try not to let the negative emotions hold you back from living a full life. If you want your ex back, then be honest with yourself about why you want him back and if it’s because of a mistake or misunderstanding in the relationship.
Know your self-worth. Because right now, that’s the only thing worth fighting for positive changes to come into your life.
Get My Guide On Dealing With Breakups: Breakup Is Over
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