Am I The Rebound Girl? 13 Signs You’re Being Used By Him
So a you’re back in a relationship and feeling like you’re moving forward with your life. The guy you’re dating is great, but something just doesn’t seem right.
He seems a little off like he’s hiding something.
Does he like you or is he just playing you?
Maybe your mind is playing games with you. But if your boyfriend just got out of a relationship, then you might be with someone who’s rebound dating.
Which makes you the Rebound Girl.
Don’t panic just yet. Not all rebound relationships are bad and short-lived. In fact, it could be an opportunity for you to help your boyfriend heal if he isn’t still in some emotional pain.
Rebound relationships can work, but it requires more time and effort to get through the recovery phase.
I’ve compiled a list of warning signs below to see if you’re being used by someone.
But before we dive into the signs, promise me you won’t go crazy bashing on your guy if you think he is using you for a rebound relationship.
It’s not really his fault.
He might not even be doing it consciously or aware that he's inconsiderate to you. He’s weak, vulnerable and looking for someone to help him get over his breakup.
And it just happens that you came into the picture.
Don’t beat yourself up also for falling into the trap. You couldn’t have known.
It’s a tricky situation. Your boyfriend has no intention of hurting or using you. He’s probably just thinking of helping himself and trying to get over his ex.
I know it sucks to be the rebound girlfriend. It happens if you’re actively dating and end up with a guy who just got out of a serious relationship. The first few months are tough especially when he’s still moping about his ex.
But if he’s honest and tells you he’s trying to get over his past relationship, this is generally a good sign that he’s genuine and worth a shot.
After all, if he was once in a serious relationship, chances are he’s a keeper.
So if you find yourself in a rebound relationship, assess the situation with the signs below and see if you want to stay together.
Keep in mind that even though you genuinely like the guy, he may not reciprocate the same feelings for you if he’s not looking for a serious relationship.
He’s just not ready yet.
Or if he’s projecting old feelings onto you and expecting too much and too quick from you, you might need to be upfront with your rebound guy and remind him that you’re not his ex.
Read the signs and if he’s not emotionally there for you, then it may be time to quickly break off the relationship before you invest more time and effort into him.
I’ve researched 13 signs that can indicate that your man is treating you like a rebound girl.
Some are obvious; others aren’t but still can be dangerous.
If you’re extremely skeptical, make sure to read to the end of this post where I offer some tips on how you can be certain that you’re NOT a rebound girl.
Sometimes, the mixed signals from your boyfriend can drive you crazy. But if he’s showing genuine interest to you, it might be worth it to play it out.
1. He Just Got Out of a Serious Relationship
This is one of the biggest and blatant signs of a rebound relationship. If he’s already dating quickly after a breakup from a long-term relationship, then he’s looking for a band-aid relationship to quickly mask his emotional stress.
Tread carefully because he isn’t ready for you yet.
He’s going to lean on you to help him fix his problems (aka, use you as a buoy).
But is he using you?
On the one hand, it’s common to see someone jump immediately into another relationship after a tough breakup. They are usually looking for companionship and ways to fill that void in their lives.
He’s probably moving too fast with you, skipping a few romantic dates so he can get as comfortable as possible as old couples do.
If this is the case for you, it’s up to you to whether go along with the situation or call the whole thing off.
However, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t help your boyfriend get back on his feet. If he’s a genuine guy, he’ll appreciate your efforts and move on with his life with you.
You might be the Rebound Girl, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be his new love once he starts seeing how amazing you are.
So hang in there. But if you start seeing additional signs (like the ones below) that your boyfriend is using you, then it’s time to move on.
Because there’s no reason for you to stay with a guy who isn’t worth your while.
Keep in mind that if your boyfriend’s last relationship was serious (like dated 4 years or his ex was a high school sweetheart etc.), then he will need some time to heal and get over the breakup.
Be patient and considerate when he portrays some of his previous relationships onto yours.
2. He Talks About His Ex… A Lot
It’s one of the most annoying things that I can’t stand. And somewhat disrespectful when your boyfriend likes to compare you to his ex.
Let’s face it. No one likes to hear her boyfriend talk about their ex. Especially when you’ve gone out a few times, and he finds a way to share an experience that involves his ex.
“Oh, get the Chocolate Lava cake, we used to get it all the time.”
Really? You took me to a restaurant where you and your ex hang out a lot and now you want me to order the same dessert?
Gotta be freaking kidding me, right?
On the other hand, if your boyfriend brings up something about his ex early in the relationship, just let it slide. He just spent a few years close with someone, and all of his memories involve his ex. It’s hard not to share an experience without mentioning a name.
Give him a quick pass and let him know you’re uncomfortable with it.
But if he can’t help himself and you keep finding yourself in places where he’s recollecting memories of his past relationship, then it’s time to be upfront about it.
He’s trying to walk you through his life with his ex and hinting some expectations for you.
Don’t let him try to recreate your relationship with his past.
Trust me, it gets super weird when you are trying to cherish a moment with him when you know that this event took place with his ex.
Don’t be a substitute / replacement / rebound.
If he keeps bringing up his ex in a way that makes you a listener, then you’re definitely the rebound girl that he doesn’t want to get serious with.
Here are a few ideas that are red flags for me:
1. He says that I look like his ex or compares me to her.
2. He shares a moment with me but shares a story of him and his ex.
3. He takes me to a place where it’s special for him and his ex.
4. Anything that relates to his ex liking something.
5. He has pictures or objects from his ex in his house.
Also, if your boyfriend is weird about talking about his ex and shuts down the conversation quickly, it could be something to be concerned about.
Ask yourself why he wouldn’t be open about it.
Bottom line, if you’re hearing too much of your boyfriend’s ex, let him know you’re uncomfortable and see if he can make the adjust his behavior and be in the present with you.
See if you can help him get his ex out of his head.
If he can’t resist talking about his ex, then chances are he’s trying to get his old life back.
3. He Seems Way Too Active On Social Media
Is your boyfriend posting photos of you two like an Instagram Influencer? Is he just way too active showing you off to the world?
Could he be using you to get someone else’s attention?
If he’s taking too many selfies and uploading everything about your relationship and whereabouts, chances are he’s got a hidden agenda.
Maybe he’s trying to get his ex jealous.
Or he’s proving to everyone he’s okay and moved on. Article
Generally, people who excessively display their relationship on social media are in reality insecure about their lives.
They need to show the world that they are happy. But the truth is, there’s no substance behind their Facebook News Feed because every action they take is purposely designed for a photo op.
In other words, your boyfriend needs the world to help him reassure his relationship with you.
Does that make sense to you? Shouldn’t your relationship be about you two?
If your boyfriend needs to make his relationship visible to everyone (from his ex to his high school friends), then it’s time to tell him to cool it off and focus on building truly special moments with you.
Stop with the selfies and serial posting.
Learn to build a real connection and enjoy the moment together.
4. You’ve Bumped Into Their Ex “Accidently” A Few Times
Wait, is your boyfriend setting you up for something?
Does he want to wave you around in front of his ex?
If you happen to run into your boyfriend’s ex at a party, it’s normal since they might have common friends.
Just play cool and confident.
But if you bump into your boyfriend’s ex at her favorite coffee shop, then your boyfriend is definitely sending you and his ex a message.
This is no coincidence girl.
Especially when he says something witty to his ex that just sounds SO convenient.
He’s done some serious recon work and plans to rub it in his ex’s face. If this happens, let him know of his petty behavior and decide if you want to continue seeing him or not.
5. He’s Clear That He’s Not Looking For Anything Serious
Another way to put it is that your boyfriend is just looking for a casual and physical relationship.
For him, it’s all about hooking up.
And if you’re okay with that, then there’s no problem with the relationship. A little experimenting for you just means more experience for you to get the guy you want.
He “could” be your rebound guy while you’re figuring out if you want to get your ex back.
But if you are one of those girls that like to see the relationship go somewhere, then this is a red flag. Your boyfriend is holding out for something he thinks is better and you’re just a “for-right-now” girl to help him go from Point A to B.
Maybe he’s using you as a distraction to take his mind off all the relationship drama. He refuses to talk about emotions and how he feels about you and the relationship.
The worst is when he calls you only when he WANTS something. That’s when you need to get out.
However, don’t get too worked up if your boyfriend doesn’t want to talk about feelings. Guys are just like that. Some just don’t like to get too sensitive and soft.
Just go with it.
All the serious talks about labeling the relationship and commitment, save it until your boyfriend is ready. Even better, let him initiate.
6. He’s Desperate to Tell the World He’s Got a Girlfriend
This is another big flag because no guy I know will legitimately want to scream to everyone that he’s got a girlfriend quickly after ending one.
What would be the reason he wants to do that?
My guess: save face, cover up his emotional pain, and tell everyone (especially his ex) that he’s moved on.
This can’t be further from the truth. Healing takes time and new feelings take time to develop.
So if he’s labeling you as his girlfriend in a very short time without your knowing or approval, it could be a sign he’s got other intentions of moving so fast. Maybe he thinks he’s ready to jump right into another serious relationship. But usually, this is just another example of someone hiding their troubles and refusing to deal with previous issues.
Sooner or later, his emotional baggage will topple over to you.
If he labels you as his girlfriend before you’re ready, simply let him know your feelings and what it means to you when making it official.
7. He Seems Bitter
Does your boyfriend complain about women or his ex a lot? Is he constantly bashing his ex and sounding bitter like he’s the victim in the breakup?
He probably thinks he got screwed over by his ex and now he can’t help but take this opportunity to complain to someone who is there to listen. You.
Don’t lend an ear to this one. In fact, I would address this issue to your boyfriend immediately or get out. Because if he’s b*tching about his ex, he’s most likely going to do it to you once the relationship is over.
And he’ll blame you for the damages.
It’s unfair to you, and you shouldn’t have to deal with a guy who’s carrying a bitter past. In fact, it just puts more pressure on you trying to live up to his expectations.
Don’t let him fix his problems through you.
Speaking of expectations….
8. He Never Left His Old Relationship
Okay, so we’ve circled around this sign already with a few points above. But it’s quite possible that your boyfriend is still living in the past and mirroring his old relationship with you.
Things are moving way too quickly.
He feels too comfortable with you.
He tells everyone you’re his girlfriend already (Point #6).
He’s already set expectations for you.
It’s almost like your boyfriend has never left his old relationship if he’s able to quickly move through the dating phase with you.
Forget the spontaneous gestures and romantic dinners; your boyfriend just wants to cozy up and get going with the couples’ routine.
If you haven’t even dated for a month and he’s already “moved in” to your apartment, then you have to draw the line for him to slow down and learn the boundaries.
Another sign is that your boyfriend expects you to act a certain way. He hasn’t let go of how things used to be or how things used to go his way.
So if he’s making everything about him and gets upset when you can’t stop by his place when he wants, then he needs to learn to slow down.
The point is, your boyfriend thinks he can just replace one girl with another. If that’s the case, you need to draw the line or tell him to show some respect.
The worst case scenario here is when your boyfriend somehow thinks that he’s doing you a favor by dating you. Then he starts to expect that you’ll be there for him emotionally and physically.
That’s when your relationship is already in the shit can and you need to turn around and walk away.
9. His Friends & Family are Surprised About You
Have you met his friends and family yet? After a few months of dating, you would expect to meet at least some of this friends now that you are part of his life.
If that hasn’t happened it, chances are he’s keeping you in the dark.
Now if you have met his friends and family but they are surprised about you, then that’s another red flag sister.
Are they surprised that your boyfriend is dating already? That should ring some alarm. Keep a close eye on his friends' reaction as they’re most likely to give clues on whether your boyfriend is ready for a new relationship or if he is using you for rebound love.
His friends know him better than you do. So if they think it’s too soon that your man is dating, then something is going on. Whatever it is, go ahead and be upfront about the elephant in the room and see how they react.
Here’s a quick tip: if his friends or family don’t really want to get to know you, chances are they know that you won’t be around for long. It’s possible that your boyfriend has already informed them that there’s nothing serious or long-term going on between you two.
So what do you do if you’re not getting any love from his friends and family?
Impress them. Make them like you.
Be yourself and shine. You got nothing to lose but the chance to prove that you are the right woman for him. If you can do that, you got them on your side that will support you in the relationship.
10. He Gets Super Intense or Super Distant Very Quickly
Does your boyfriend ever drive you crazy with his emotions? One minute he’s super sweet and romantic, but the next day he turns cold turkey. Sometimes, he even gets super depressed and forgets your existence.
Talk about an emotional rollercoaster from a guy!
If you see your boyfriend showing constant mood changes, it’s quite clear that he’s thinking a lot and something’s bothering him.
Most likely, he hasn’t gotten over his breakup.
And perhaps, it’s giving him a lot of pressure to deal with while handling a new relationship with you.
What do you do?
Give him the space he needs to work out the problems on his own. Just be supportive and don’t have big expectations yet.
Sure, you should expect some romantic gestures from him. But trust me, if you give him a shoulder to lean on during this turmoil time, your man will appreciate your support and repay in ten-fold when he’s ready.
I know, it sounds a bit unfair to you especially when your relationship is new and supposed to be exciting. But if you fall into a rebound relationship, you need to reroute your expectations and play the supportive role.
Hopefully, your boyfriend will get around his head quickly and see who’s really worth his time.
11. You Feel Like You Have Nothing in Common
Okay, this is one of those clear signs where you find yourself in a relationship and realize that there’s very little you two have in common since the night you hooked up.
Somehow he just doesn’t seem as cute and funny as you thought. And every night, you feel more and more distant to him.
He’s probably feeling the same way too. Except that he “likes” your company so that he has someone to lean on through the night.
That’s a clear sign of being used in a relationship. Perhaps this is his solution of going through the No Contact Rule with his ex.
If you just can’t see yourself with the guy, it’s best to call it off as soon as possible. You’re not doing him any good by staying longer.
12. You’re Not Appreciated
Okay ladies, so at any moment early in the relationship that your man doesn’t shower you with love and appreciation, it might be a sign that he’s not fully ready for you.
It’s true that he might be shy and clueless about how to impress you.
But if he doesn’t have the slightest courtesy to ask how you are doing on a daily basis, then that’s a big red flag.
I mean, how hard is it to ask someone “How are you doing today?” Or the common courtesy to say “thank you” when you make him a cup of coffee in the morning?
Also, if he doesn’t recognize the things that are important to you, then he’s genuinely making zero effort to acknowledge your presence.
Sometimes guys just get lost in themselves that they forget who’s around them keeping things in check. If your boyfriend skips an important lunch and later doesn’t apologize for his selfishness, then you need to tell him that it’s not working for you.
Simply because you can do better.
13. You Know It Doesn’t Feel Right
Okay, so we are down to the last sign that you’re in a rebound relationship.
It’s obvious but a lot of women choose not to admit it.
Here it is: It just doesn’t feel right.
That’s right, if the whole relationship is just giving you weird vibes, then stop kidding with yourself and break it off. If you don’t see yourself with the guy or you don’t want to introduce him to your friends and family, then he’s really not the person you want to get intimate with.
Not that there’s anything against him.
But you need to trust your gut here. If you’re in the wrong relationship, don’t kid yourself and drag the relationship forward. You’re just wasting emotional energy and keeping each other in denial.
You don’t want to date this guy knowing that he wants to get back with his ex. Don’t let yourself feel less worthy and assume that he’ll come around if all signs suggest that you are the rebound girl.
What Should I Do If I’m Really The Rebound Girl?
It depends on two things.
1. How severe and inconsiderate your boyfriend is treating you as a rebound girl.
2. How much you like the guy.
Forget about the ex since she’s out of the picture. If you really want to make the relationship work with your boyfriend, you need to play along and help him realize that you are the right woman for him.
Lean back, give him space and time. Be supportive and understanding. Men are as vulnerable as we are when they are in emotional pain.
One thing to keep in mind is that men are loyal. So if he’s the loyal type, then he’ll appreciate the support you have provided when he’s at the lowest point of his life.
And it was you who turned his life around.
But if your boyfriend really doesn’t care about you or the relationship, then just move on to someone else better.
How Can I Be Sure I’m NOT His Rebound Girl?
Now, I know some of you are trying to be nitpicky to find one small proof that you are the rebound girl.
Don’t be that girl.
Don’t try to find something wrong in the relationship and blow it up into a bigger problem.
You know what I mean. One day you find your boyfriend wearing something that he said his ex likes and the next minute you are up in his face all jealous and mad about nothing.
Just keep your cool and see how things go.
If your boyfriend is trying and showing sincere feelings to you, you really have no reason to believe that you’re a rebound. Don’t let your fears scare you.
If you keep nagging, you’ll just scare him off.
A relationship can go many ways, and if your boyfriend is talking and hanging out with you daily, then he is enjoying his time with you. You’ve met his friends and family. He shares his stories with you. He asks about you.
What more can you ask for from a guy?
Sure, you might find him spaced out occasionally thinking about his past. But that’s all part of the recovery process. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of how you two communicate, then I believe that you have a legitimate partner.
Bottom line, don’t panic if you find yourself in a rebound relationship. It happens. I mean, every single guy or girl at a bar can be coming from a breakup.
Some are just honest while others feel no reason to reveal it when it could ruin the hookup.
If you like the guy and he’s showing interest, just go with it and see how things unfold. Just don’t expect too many romantic gestures because he’s been out of the singles game for so long.
But if your man is honest about feelings, he’s usually a keeper.