Updated: October, 2019
It’s happening. Your ex is back in a relationship. WTF is going on?
Just when you thought things couldn’t any worse, your ex is dating immediately after a breakup.
Feels like a slap in your face seeing your ex with someone else right? Not quite.
It’s probably just a sign that your ex is in a rebound relationship.
It makes no freaking sense to you now, but once you read through this entire post, you’ll learn what a rebound relationship is, the psychology behind it, and signs to tell if your ex-boyfriend is rebound dating.
I know the idea that your ex is already dating someone else is gut-wrenching and driving you insane. After everything you two have been through and shared, it feels like your relationship meant nothing to him and the years together just went down the drain.
Relax ladies, men think differently.
And it sure isn’t a race to see who starts dating first. He didn’t win, and most likely he’s clueless about what he’s doing after a dumb move to let you go.
He might be going through a rebound phase.
So save those tears and let’s find out what a rebound relationship is and the best way to deal with it.
After that, we’ll focus on getting your ex-boyfriend back for good.
What Is A Rebound Relationship?
In short, a rebound relationship is when your ex gets into a relationship shortly after a breakup.
He moves on quickly and shows the world that he’s not hurting and shrugging it off.
While this looks like a selfish and shallow move by your ex, there’s a lot of reasoning behind his actions.
Deep down, he’s hurting, desperate, and trying to get through the pain of the breakup.
Maybe you should cut him some slack because if he’s really rebound dating, you won’t have to worry too much.
It won’t last, and most likely he’ll end up realizing that you are the real treasure all along.
So what’s the psychology behind rebound relationships?
Perhaps we should call it relationsh*t instead. Because it’s a relationship that forms quickly after a breakup to cover up the emotional pain and hole you left in his heart.
The love, support, and all the intimacy. All gone for your former flame too.
Your ex-boyfriend sees the need to find someone else to prove to him quickly and everyone that he’s doing alright and he’s able to move past the breakup.
But the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s lost something that was a big part of his life and finding a rebound girl is his coping mechanism.
Have a little sympathy even if it kills you to see your former flame with another girl. Your ex is also going through a lot of emotions and taking desperate measures to get over you.
Why else would he dive headfirst into a relationship so quickly?
Think of rebound relationships as adult security blankets. Your ex is trying to mask all the pain, guilt, and emotional turmoil by dating another woman.
And if that’s true, it’s only a distraction which means it’s temporarily. It won’t last long and most likely fail once your ex realizes that his rebound didn’t fix his problems (aka, get over you).
Men can’t stand rejection, failure, and the feeling of being unwanted. They are ashamed of their self-esteem hitting rock bottom . Therefore, their first instinct is to cover up the shame and move on quickly like it was all part of their plan.
Sounds like someone’s sweeping things under the rug right?
So instead, they seek out previous exes or hit up the clubs to find companionship. Whoever your ex “temporarily” ends up with is just a band-aid for deep emotional pain and trauma.
Here’s the bright side: if your ex is jumping into another relationship quickly, chances are he is dealing with a lot of emotions.
These emotions are about you.
And perhaps the only true way to emotionally heal from these wounds is by resolving these issues together with you.
In short, a rebound relationship is a cover up to the pain your ex-boyfriend is experiencing from losing you.
He hasn’t found the right way to deal with his breakup . So naturally, the first step is to fake it.
Can a Rebound Relationship Work?
Okay ladies, I know I’ve been getting your hopes up that your ex is just temporarily unavailable.
But here’s a disclaimer and something you might also need to prepare for simply because relationships can be unpredictable.
Here it is: rebound relationships can also work.
Again, we as human beings are unpredictable especially when it comes to love and the dynamics of relationships.
Your ex might ignite a big spark with his new girl and share some special moments that leave a new imprint in his life.
If they seem to hit it off, don’t panic just yet. There are many techniques to draw your ex’s attention towards you and possibly steal him back.
I won’t go into details here, but jealousy is a great weapon to get his attention right away.
But what you will need to do first is move forward with your life and don’t sit around waiting for your ex to come back.
That’s not going to happen. Your ex doesn’t want to return to the same girl he broke up with.
He wants to return to the same girl he fell in love with.
Just close your eyes for a second and picture your first date.
That’s who I’m talking about here.
Hopefully, by now, you have a clear understanding of the definition of a rebound relationship and the best way to deal with it.
Let’s move to the next section where I reveal 7 surefire signs your ex is in a rebound relationship.
7 Signs Your Ex is in a Rebound Relationship
Here’s a checklist of questions to help you determine whether or not your ex is in a rebound relationship.
1. How quickly did it take for your ex-boyfriend to move on to another relationship?
A general rule is that the quicker your former flame jumps into another relationship, the more likely it’s a sign he’s desperate to patch up the breakup.
So what’s considered “quick”?
I would say anything less than 3 months is a good indication. The only exception here is if your ex has been cheating on you and have already made a transition while he is committed to you.
That movement to the OW (Other Woman) will happen faster.
One of our readers recently emailed me and asked me, “Am I the rebound girl?” She just started dating a new guy who she found out also just came out of a relationship. In this case, it is possible that both of you are rebounding.
If so, try to be supportive of each other and keep your relationship in “dating” mode rather than labelling it anything serious until you’re ready.
Another thing to watch out for is your ex’s “rebound behavior”. Is he the type of guy that likes to jump between relationships? Can he stay committed to one?
If he’s stuck with you for a long time, then chances of him finding the right girl will take some trial and error.
Sign of Rebound
The quicker he starts seeing someone, the more likely he’s in a rebound relationship.
2. How long has the relationship been for your ex and the new girl?
So your ex is dating a new girl. How long does it take for a rebound to turn into something serious?
There’s no definitive answer here.
But I would put a time frame of around six months before they start to make their relationship official.
Think about your dating timeline with your ex and what happened every month. When did you guys start calling each other “boyfriend girlfriend”?
When did you meet his parents?
These are indicators that the relationship is going serious, and you can use your relationship as a guide to see how your ex will respond in his new endeavor.
But general rule: the longer they’ve been in a new relationship, the less likely it is a rebound.
If it’s going on for over a year, they probably have their dynamics set and looking to get more serious.
So what can you do here?
Like I said before, use your previous relationship with your ex as a guide to determine how your ex behaves and labels the relationship. If he generally likes to move fast to make things official, you might want to step in a little and remind him that you’re the right one.
If he’s slow to label his new relationship, even better. Always find a way to remind him of how special you are.
Sign of Rebound
The shorter the dating time frame, the more likely it’s a rebound relationship.
3. Who is your ex dating?
This sign is very important ladies. Typically, there are four types of woman your ex is picking to rebound.
- His previous exes (ones before you)
- Someone like you
- Someone completely the opposite of you
- Someone who is easiest to get (first come, first serve)
Which one/s do you think is most likely going to be just a rebound relationship?
Options 2, 3, and 4.
Basically, any girl that’s new to him is likely a candidate for a rebound relationship. Therefore, how fast your ex starts dating a new girl will determine if he is rebound dating or not.
The idea here is that your ex is exploring and finding different ways (or women) to cope with the emotional pain he is going through.
If he finds someone like you, he feels like someone similar can understand the problems he went through and fix it quickly.
If he finds someone opposite of you, he’s looking for a 360 degrees polar opposite to avoid and forget the problems. He’s looking to overcompensate by finding someone opposite of you that will give him happiness.
You gave him pain. So he’s hoping the complete opposite will bring happiness. Most of the time, the rebound girl is someone that’s clearly not your ex’s type.
If he finds someone easiest to get, he’s just looking for a booty call.
For the three options above, your ex is clearly not looking for a long-term relationship.
Now what happens when your ex starts to date one of his previous exes?
This gets a bit more complicated just because there’s history and familiarity already which fast tracks their renewed relationship.
I could go on and on about how this can play out.
Sign of Rebound
Your ex is dating someone new that’s not from his usual circle of friends.
4. Does your ex have a history of jumping in around relationships?
If he has the habit of jumping from one relationship to another, it’s pretty clear that he’s rebounding.
More importantly, he doesn’t know what he wants and is exploring his options.
Your job here would be to figure out what he’s looking for and try to provide that for him.
Like Usher said, “I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed?”
Is this who your ex boyfriend is looking for?
Or someone who can loosen up some control and give him ample guys time?
Don’t forget this though. Your ex is also trying to move on from the breakup and dating other women to get over you.
You should be doing the same thing to get over the pain.
Sign of Rebound
Your ex is changing from one girl to another in very short time periods. You’ll be able to tell that his relationships are not working if he keeps changing his dates.
5. Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?
Does your ex think he can find someone better than you? Is he looking for someone who’s Version 2.0 of you?
Chances are your ex is experiencing the grass is greener syndrome.
He’s looking for someone who’s like you (you’re his type), but possibly start over without the problems over his head.
He thinks he came out short in the relationship and looking to find another woman who’s better than you in his eyes to prove that the breakup is all your loss.
My suggestion here: just let your ex do his thing and go about his adventure. Once he’s done with his rollercoaster ride, he’ll soon realize that he’s the fool to lose you in the first place.
The treasure was in his hands the whole time.
Again, let him explore, and he’ll realize that the grass is hardly ever greener on the other side.
Sign of Rebound
Your ex is looking for an alternative to replace you. Most likely, your ex thinks he found a Version 2.0 of you.
6. Did your relationship go flat?
A lot of breakups happen because the relationship became a chore. Both parties are tired and burnt out from the responsibilities and expectations from one another.
So if your relationship went flat, your ex is probably looking for some excitement.
Something new and refreshing. Some spontaneity.
Admit it. Your relationship was all tired and done. The spark that once brought you two together has dissolved.
Simply because you both stop trying to make an effort for each other.
If this is the case, your ex-boyfriend is searching for someone who will bring him back to life.
Someone who he’s excited to woo, take to the movies, and build up to that first kiss again.
So if it looks like your ex is looking for excitement and dating a woman that is not his type (but exciting), then it’s possible he’s just looking for a rebound relationship.
Sign of Rebound
Your ex is dating someone that is usually not his type to get some excitement back into his life.
7. Is your ex rubbing his new relationship in your face?
Is your ex asking you advice about dating a new girl?
Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but it happens when a guy doesn’t know what’s appropriate or feels like he deserves your help whenever he wants.
But if your ex-boyfriend is going out of his way to show you and the world that he’s back dating and having a great time with his new fling, chances are it’s a rebound relationship.
The more Facebook, Instagram, Twitter posts you see, the more he’s trying to validate his new relationship.
And you can bet that he expects you to be the first to notice. In fact, he probably has the intention to make sure everything is laid out in a way to make you jealous.
What a desperate move. Keep waving boy.
Sign of Rebound
He’s going out of his way to show you his new relationship and what a great time he’s having. What is going to make it more obvious is if your ex usually doesn’t post his personal life on social media but starts to with his new relationship.
So there you have it, ladies. A checklist of 7 signs that will help you determine if your ex is in a rebound relationship. A lot is subjective so use your judgment and knowledge of your ex-boyfriend to decide whether he’s for real or not.
The success rate of rebound relationships turning into a serious one is pretty low if a lot of these signs are obvious. Remember that it takes time to find someone you want to have a long-term relationship with.
And if your ex is diving right into another relationship, it’s just rebound love that’s harmless.
Okay, Your Ex is in a Rebound Relationship. Now What?
Just take a step back and breathe first and think about all the things I said above. If your ex is in a rebound relationship, this could be a good thing.
The fact that this relationsh*t is to help him mask his emotional pain, it’s not going anywhere. Do you think the rebound girl wants to be there to fix his problems that are about you?
I wouldn’t stick around for that.
He is still emotionally unavailable.
Remember, rebound relationships are temporary distractions that result in epic fails. They don’t fix the underlying problems and help anyone heal and become a better person.
So while your ex-boyfriend is with his rebound girl, sit back and stick to your plan to get back on your feet. It’s borrowed time here for you become that sassy and lovable girl you once were.
So how do you bring out the best of yourself?
Start with the No Contact Rule.
I have detailed guide about the No Contact Rule . Read it, learn it, follow it. The key here is to impose fear on your ex that he will lose you for good.
Cut off all contact with him and promise yourself you’ll have the best single life ever .
Be selfish and focus on what matters to you most.
Your ex will start to wonder what you’re up to and only to find out weeks later that you’re having a blast. To be honest, that’s what he wants you to think of him too when he’s in a rebound relationship.
Except he doesn’t know that we got him all figured out.
There’s no need to commit to radio silence after a period of time (30 or 60 days). When you’re feeling confident and fully recovered, there’s no harm in sending a friendly text message to your ex.
Test the waters and see where he stands.
So What Should I do if my Ex’s Relationship is Getting Serious?
Like I said earlier, it’s possible that your ex’s rebound relationship turns into a serious one. They somehow kept the spark going.
And it’s okay if you don’t see it coming. It happens.
Generally speaking, the longer the rebound relationship is going, the more likely it is going to stick.
Should you try to break it off?
Personally, I wouldn’t try to get involved in it. But what I will do is get the ex’s attention and see how things are going. Just go ahead and ask him about his new relationship casually and see if he’s serious about it.
If he is. Give him your best wishes and move on.
It’s not that there’s nothing that you can do here. But the fact that your ex has truly moved on and found someone else, it also means that he’s not the one for you.
Use the Signs to Know if it’s a Rebound
Well, hopefully you have a clear idea of what a rebound relationship is and how to determine whether your ex is engaged in one or not.
Use the 7 signs listed above to guide your judgment.
The most important thing to remember is to give your ex-boyfriend some space. He’s the other half of the breakup and has his own methods to deal with the trauma.
It’s not easy for men to accept loss and failure.
That being said, don’t start to act up if you find your ex dating. You should be doing that too!
Whether he’s in a rebound or not, your best bet to get him back is to become an irresistible woman when he decides to check up on you.
So be ready to shine girl!