Updated: September, 2019
Nobody wants to be that girl… the one all wishy-washy about her former flame, constantly questioning, “Should I get back with my ex-boyfriend?” Let’s face it, that girl is annoying. She doesn’t know what she really wants and she kind of seems to thrive off of the drama of it all.
You’ve met her before. You’ve probably even been her before, once upon a time. Which is why you are so concerned about being her now. You don’t want to make mistakes or repeat history.
But you also can’t shake this feeling that maybe, just maybe, your ex was the one.
Which leaves you still asking, “Should I get back together with my ex-boyfriend?”
Well, the answer is… it depends. There are a lot of bad reasons for playing the getting-back-with-my-ex-boyfriend game. Some women are just afraid of being alone or don’t know how to support themselves. Others are fueled by jealousy and simply don’t want their ex to be with anyone else.
And there are plenty of women who just thrive off the drama of back and forth relationships.
You don’t want to be any of those women, the ones forever proclaiming “I want him back! I want my ex-boyfriend back so bad!” despite seeming to lack any solid reasons for being so set on winning him back.
You want to be stronger and healthier than all of that; the epitome of the incredible woman you truly are inside. So if a bit of self-reflection leads you to believe you may be yearning for reconciliation with your ex for one of those less than healthy reasons, chuck that idea and shift your focus to some other passion instead.
Run a marathon, see the world, or go on an epic shopping adventure – anything to avoid making the mistake of falling into a pattern that could keep you from meeting the guy you are actually supposed to be with.
But there do happen to be a few good reasons for trying to win your ex-boyfriend back as well. In fact, there are 5 good reasons to be exact.
Reason Number 1: You Still Love Him
This is an obvious one, but if you still love him – well, duh. Get that man back! Love is important and valid and strong; if your heart is unable to let your past relationship go, there is a reason for that. And it is time for you to start becoming diligent in your efforts to win him back.
Now, let’s be clear, there is a difference between loving a person, and loving what that person can bring into your life. So you need to ask yourself, “Why do I want my ex back?” Do you love him, or his car/job/money/vacation home/family/all of the above?
If it was just you and your ex trapped on a desert island, would you still love him? Even while having to bathe in streams and forage for food?
If your answer is “yes”, then you have got a pretty solid reason to try to win him back.
Reason Number 2: You’re Pretty Sure He Still Loves You
There can be a lot of deterrents to winning your ex-boyfriend back, one of those being if he has already moved on. An ex-boyfriend who has gone and fallen in love with someone else is not going to be easy to win back. That’s not to say it isn’t possible (and if you hang around this site long enough, you will learn some tips for embarking upon that endeavor) but it certainly complicates things.
Of course, if your old love has been pining away for you all this time – that makes things easier. And combined with the feelings you yourself can’t let go of, this can be a pretty good reason to try to get him back.
Now, how do you know if he still loves you? Well, that one isn’t always totally obvious, but there are plenty of hints.
- Does he ask mutual friends about you?
- Does he randomly show up places where he knows you will be?
- Has he held off on dating other people?
- Does he still reach out and initiate contact from time to time?
Like I said, these aren’t necessarily tried and true indicators (and there are plenty of men who jump right back into the dating pool, despite still harboring feelings for their ex) but they can be a good place to start.
And if all signs are pointing to “Yes, he still loves you!” – this is a relationship you should definitely be trying to get back.
Reason Number 3: You Blew Something Pretty Great
Was the breakup your fault? Did you cheat, lie or otherwise let your insecurities get the best of something that had so much potential?
If the answer is “yes”, don’t beat yourself up. To some extent, this is a life lesson we all need to learn at some point – you can’t walk all over someone you care about and expect them to stick around for the show.
But learning that lesson doesn’t do a whole lot of good for you now that this great man is out of your life. So if regret still hangs over you, and you still find yourself questioning “What if?” – it might be time to start trying to rectify your own mistakes.
I’m not saying it will be easy. Men are prideful creatures and when they have been scorned, they tend to avoid getting burned twice. Even the good ones will hold back on giving too many second chances. But if you are truly remorseful for what you have done and are earnest in your efforts to get him back… there is always a chance.
Stop asking yourself “Should I try to get my ex back?”
Just go for it! No matter what the past has held, you deserve to be in a great relationship. Get your ex-boyfriend back!
Reason Number 4: You Have Both Changed and Grown
Relationships and breakups are growing experiences. With each person who enters and exits your life, you learn a little more about yourself and what it is you want and can contribute to your next relationship.
They say that time and distance heal all wounds, but what they really do is offer perspective. And with that time and distance, you should be able to look back on your old relationship and reflect on what really went wrong.
In most cases, there are mistakes made by both people. Communications falters, personal flaws get in the way and relationship fall apart. No matter how much love resides between the people involved.
It happens. It’s never pretty, but it happens.
Still, there is learning and healing to be found in the wake of a broken relationship, and it is possible that with the time and distance that has come since, you and the former man in your life have both changed and grown along the way. That’s what happens when you lose somebody you love; you learn from your mistakes and improve upon yourself for the future.
So assuming you and your ex have both done a bit of personal reflecting, growing as people in the time since your breakup, there may be reason to try again if you are now asking yourself “Should I get back with my ex?”
Reason Number 5: Nobody Has Ever Compared to Him
Listen, I want to be clear about one thing: no matter who this guy is, he is not your only chance at love. He just isn’t. I know it can feel impossible to imagine anyone else in your future when all you can think about is wanting your ex back, but it happens. All the time. And it can happen for you.
Because you are worthy and deserving and abso-freaking amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you.
But maybe you’ve given other guys a chance, and he still remains the one engrained in the back of your mind – you still can’t fight the voice in your head constantly repeating “I want my ex back so bad”.
Perhaps you have already implemented the No Contact Rule to get your ex back, and have spent a significant chunk of time taking care of yourself; pursuing passions and reconnecting with that happy and carefree single girl you used to be.
Yet no matter what you try, or who you flirt with, you can’t shake that gut feeling that your former flame was the one – that no one has ever or will ever compare to him.
In that case, getting back together with your ex may be the right move.
If you have done the work and taken the time for self-improvement, maybe even dating a little since your breakup, and he still holds a significant chunk of your heart – then something there is worth fighting for.
And I am all about helping you to fight for it.
So if you are ready to start that journey – let’s start with making your ex miss you.