Updated: September, 2019
One of the moments where you will start to get some excitement is when your ex sends you a text message.
“How are you?”
I’ve seen a lot of emails from our readers who get overly excited about this response and need some advice on the best way to read into this message and reply back.
Therefore, this article is just about how to respond to your ex asking how you are. It’s amazing how three little words can be so powerful, yet unpredictable of its intentions.
Especially when your ex texts you out of the blue after months of no contact.
It can be confusing and frustrating for you. Now you’ve got a hundred questions circling through your head wondering why your ex-boyfriend sent you this message and what he wants out of it.
Is he playing mind games? Or is he sincerely asking how you’re doing?
I’m going to show you how you can quickly free yourself from over-analyzing this message and the best way to reply with sass and class.
Should I Respond Or Not?
This is up to you. It’s your choice if you want to go down this rabbit hole and see where it leads.
You’re not obligated to respond if you’re not ready to initiate contact yet or you don’t want to go down the same road (and mess) again with your ex.
But I would respond and here’s why.
Regardless of whether you want to get back together or what stage of the breakup you’re going through (i.e., No Contact), it’s just polite and classy to reply back to others.
Even if the sender is your ex-boyfriend, who cheated on you with your best friend.
If he wants to know how you’re doing, don’t ignore it and let the thought stay inside you. It’ll just eat you up from the inside. But if you can quickly shake off the text, feel free to ignore that message. You can delete it on your phone and try to move on. But deep down, someone just texted you which somewhat indicates he cares.
Forgive me, but I’m not a hater and prefer not to be the one burning bridges.
You don’t have to respond immediately, maybe a few days later if you want to make him wait a bit. Sometimes, I recommend replying within an hour with one of my sassy messages (you’ll see below).
At least it releases the urge to text your ex back which is quite a relief get something off your mind quickly.
That being said, there are some messages I won’t reply back.
“Hey” “Yo” “Sup” “How’s it going?”
If your ex texted you saying “hey” or something weak, then it clearly shows that he has no sincerity. He doesn’t care. The message is probably just a quick, impulsive message to test the waters.
Just ignore those if he isn’t even trying. How hard is it to be a little more classy? You want a man, not a boy without manners!
Overall, think it through on how and when you’ll reply. Trust me, it feels better when you throw the ball back into his court and don’t care if he responds back or not.
That way, you can get moving on with your amazing life.
The WRONG Way To Respond To Your Ex’s Text
Before I reveal my approach to responding to your ex’s “how are you” text message, I want to point out the wrong approach that you need to avoid.
Don’t react to his message with any negativity. If anger, hate, or jealousy rushes into your emotions when you see this message, you need to take some time to calm down.
Don’t try to read into this message too much too. Don’t overthink it. It’s a polite “how are you” from someone you know from the past.
That’s how you should perceive it: it’s a welcome message from an old friend. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with your ex if it works out for both of you. It’s hard but not impossible.
If your reply is along the lines of “what do you want” or “go to hell,” then you’re not in the right mindset for anything.
If you’re looking for sympathy, there’s no need to reflect that in your text message. Text messages like
“I’ve been better.”
“Hanging in there.”
Look, your ex-boyfriend doesn’t need to know you’re struggling with the recovery process. We are strong women, and we can hold it together! If you’re looking for sympathy, then your ex is the last person that’s able to help you. Perhaps he can offer some comfort, but it’s probably not his intention with that text message.
Maybe he’s struggling too.
The point is, try not to bring each other down. You want to come across as sassy and classy.
If you’re not ready to text back, then wait a few days to create the perfect message.
How To Respond To Your Ex The Right Way
Okay, let’s get down to business here: how to respond to your ex-boyfriend who’s asking how you are doing.
Let me break it down into two pieces: the mindset and the text message.
Mindset: Sassy and Classy
I’m a big believer that every woman should have these two characteristics: sassy and classy.
It’s how you act and carry yourself with respect and culture. Even if you are not in that mindset yet, you can still fake it till you make it. Especially when your ex-boyfriend hits you up while you’re doing No Contact and you’re just not ready to reply.
What do you do?
From my coaching experience, the longer you hang on to a message you haven’t replied, the more you’ll think about it. The longer you wait, the more it takes away time and energy from your recovery.
Therefore, I would suggest to reply back as soon as you’re ready and throw the ball back into his court. Let him ponder about your reply.
But do it with some sass and class. Here’s how.
The Formula For A Sassy & Classy Text Reply
Okay, here’s my formula for a great and responsive text message.
[Something you are currently doing] + How about you?
“Just pitched to a new client. How about you?”
“Just watched The Lion King. How about you?”
“Good. Just tried that new Thai restaurant on 5th. How about you?”
Do you see where I’m going with here? First, you’re being polite by responding. Second, you are giving him a quick and positive update about yourself. This hints to your ex-boyfriend that you are active and moving forward with your life. It also gives him something to reply back with if he chooses to continue the conversation.
Lastly, you ask him how he’s doing. You reciprocate what he asked to show that you care and throw the conversation back to him.
Now it’s up to him to respond.
Trust me, this will throw your ex off so much he’s going to run in circles wondering what you’ve been up to. That’s the response we are looking for. We want to spark interest with a hint of success at your ex. Make him wonder what life is like without him but not too much that he thinks you’ll better without him.
Remember, you’re also asking your former flame how he’s doing. At the very least, he should reply since he’s the one that initiated.
Respond To Your Ex Like An Old Friend
Don’t over-analyze a simple message like “how are you” from your ex. He might just be checking to see if you will respond. If he doesn’t get a reply from you, it’s either your mad or entirely over him.
When it comes to how men think about love, the key is to think simple.
Now if you reply back with a positive message, this will bring joy and curiosity to your ex-boyfriend. You want to make him want you more.
And if he doesn’t reply, you can always wait a few weeks and send him a “how are you” message.