How To Respond To An Ex Asking How You Are With Dignity

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Updated: September, 2019

One of the moments where you will start to get some excitement is when your ex sends you a text message.

How are you?

I’ve seen a lot of emails from our readers who get overly excited about this response and need some advice on the best way to read into this message and reply back.

Therefore, this article is just about how to respond to your ex asking how you are. It’s amazing how three little words can be so powerful, yet unpredictable of its intentions.

Especially when your ex texts you out of the blue after months of no contact.

It can be confusing and frustrating for you. Now you’ve got a hundred questions circling through your head wondering why your ex-boyfriend sent you this message and what he wants out of it.

Is he playing mind games? Or is he sincerely asking how you’re doing?

I’m going to show you how you can quickly free yourself from over-analyzing this message and the best way to reply with sass and class.

Should I Respond Or Not?

This is up to you. It’s your choice if you want to go down this rabbit hole and see where it leads.

You’re not obligated to respond if you’re not ready to initiate contact yet or you don’t want to go down the same road (and mess) again with your ex.

But I would respond and here’s why.

Regardless of whether you want to get back together or what stage of the breakup you’re going through (i.e., No Contact), it’s just polite and classy to reply back to others.

READ: How To Talk To Your Ex With Sass

Even if the sender is your ex-boyfriend, who cheated on you with your best friend.

If he wants to know how you’re doing, don’t ignore it and let the thought stay inside you. It’ll just eat you up from the inside. But if you can quickly shake off the text, feel free to ignore that message. You can delete it on your phone and try to move on. But deep down, someone just texted you which somewhat indicates he cares.

Forgive me, but I’m not a hater and prefer not to be the one burning bridges.

You don’t have to respond immediately, maybe a few days later if you want to make him wait a bit. Sometimes, I recommend replying within an hour with one of my sassy messages (you’ll see below).

At least it releases the urge to text your ex back which is quite a relief get something off your mind quickly.

That being said, there are some messages I won’t reply back.

“Hey” “Yo” “Sup” “How’s it going?”

If your ex texted you saying “hey” or something weak, then it clearly shows that he has no sincerity. He doesn’t care. The message is probably just a quick, impulsive message to test the waters.

Just ignore those if he isn’t even trying. How hard is it to be a little more classy? You want a man, not a boy without manners!

Overall, think it through on how and when you’ll reply. Trust me, it feels better when you throw the ball back into his court and don’t care if he responds back or not.

That way, you can get moving on with your amazing life.

READ: Questions To Ask Your Ex-Boyfriend To Get Him Back

New System To Get Back

The WRONG Way To Respond To Your Ex’s Text

Before I reveal my approach to responding to your ex’s “how are you” text message, I want to point out the wrong approach that you need to avoid.

Don’t react to his message with any negativity. If anger, hate, or jealousy rushes into your emotions when you see this message, you need to take some time to calm down.

Don’t try to read into this message too much too. Don’t overthink it. It’s a polite “how are you” from someone you know from the past.

That’s how you should perceive it: it’s a welcome message from an old friend. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with your ex if it works out for both of you. It’s hard but not impossible.

If your reply is along the lines of “what do you want” or “go to hell,” then you’re not in the right mindset for anything.

If you’re looking for sympathy, there’s no need to reflect that in your text message. Text messages like

“I’ve been better.”
“Still sad.”
“Hanging in there.”

Look, your ex-boyfriend doesn’t need to know you’re struggling with the recovery process. We are strong women, and we can hold it together! If you’re looking for sympathy, then your ex is the last person that’s able to help you. Perhaps he can offer some comfort, but it’s probably not his intention with that text message.

Maybe he’s struggling too.

The point is, try not to bring each other down. You want to come across as sassy and classy.

If you’re not ready to text back, then wait a few days to create the perfect message.

READ: Want Your Ex To Reply? Here’s How To Talk To Him

How To Respond To Your Ex The Right Way

Okay, let’s get down to business here: how to respond to your ex-boyfriend who’s asking how you are doing.

Let me break it down into two pieces: the mindset and the text message.

Mindset: Sassy and Classy

I’m a big believer that every woman should have these two characteristics: sassy and classy.

It’s how you act and carry yourself with respect and culture. Even if you are not in that mindset yet, you can still fake it till you make it. Especially when your ex-boyfriend hits you up while you’re doing No Contact and you’re just not ready to reply.

What do you do?

From my coaching experience, the longer you hang on to a message you haven’t replied, the more you’ll think about it. The longer you wait, the more it takes away time and energy from your recovery.

Therefore, I would suggest to reply back as soon as you’re ready and throw the ball back into his court. Let him ponder about your reply.

But do it with some sass and class. Here’s how.

The Formula For A Sassy & Classy Text Reply

Okay, here’s my formula for a great and responsive text message.

[Something you are currently doing] + How about you?

Some examples:

“Just pitched to a new client. How about you?”

“Just watched The Lion King. How about you?”

“Good. Just tried that new Thai restaurant on 5th. How about you?”

Do you see where I’m going with here? First, you’re being polite by responding. Second, you are giving him a quick and positive update about yourself. This hints to your ex-boyfriend that you are active and moving forward with your life. It also gives him something to reply back with if he chooses to continue the conversation.

Lastly, you ask him how he’s doing. You reciprocate what he asked to show that you care and throw the conversation back to him.

Now it’s up to him to respond.

Trust me, this will throw your ex off so much he’s going to run in circles wondering what you’ve been up to. That’s the response we are looking for. We want to spark interest with a hint of success at your ex. Make him wonder what life is like without him but not too much that he thinks you’ll better without him.

Remember, you’re also asking your former flame how he’s doing. At the very least, he should reply since he’s the one that initiated.

READ: 7 Sweet Things To Say To Your Ex And Want To Hear

Get Expert Help To Win Him Back

Respond To Your Ex Like An Old Friend

Don’t over-analyze a simple message like “how are you” from your ex. He might just be checking to see if you will respond. If he doesn’t get a reply from you, it’s either your mad or entirely over him.

When it comes to how men think about love, the key is to think simple.

Now if you reply back with a positive message, this will bring joy and curiosity to your ex-boyfriend. You want to make him want you more.

And if he doesn’t reply, you can always wait a few weeks and send him a “how are you” message.

Wait, Do You Still Have A Second Chance?
Find out what your chances are of getting your ex back with this 2 minute quiz.

53 Replies to “9 Sweet Things To Say To Your Ex Boyfriend To Get Him Back”

  1. My bestfriend used my account and told him screwu cause she didn’t like him then I logged in he thought it was me then he got so pissed I explained and he didn’t listen he broke up with me…we fight everyday he asks me things like ‘who’s ur crush’ ‘how’s he’ and he knows I have none….he thinks I’m doing great but I love him and want him (I’m clueless)

      1. I did cut off contact for weeks, and I got him to like me again, but somehow I screwed it up again just when he was starting to like me. what do I do now.

        1. It’s important for you to address the problems that cause the relationship to fail first. Since it’s a second time around, you’ll have to be truly genuine that you’ve changed and the issues won’t happen again.

        2. I keep sleeping with my ex boyfriend. It seems like I can’t find no one else and he has another woman. What should I do? I seem desperate!

          1. Guys prey and sense on desperation and will never take you seriously. It’s just too easy for them to come and go as they please. You need to boost your self-worth and let him know that he’s not the only one. Keep your distance.

    1. Prove to him that you still love . Maybe he thought your relationship was one sided and in order to have a healthy relationship you have to trust each other and do things that will make each other feel satisfied with the relationship.
      It’s happen to me actually so I can relate …

  2. If I were u I would get my friend to admit to him that she told him that….if he still was mad after that he probably is not a keeper… If he trly loves u he will forgive and get over it

  3. Great advice and all true. The important thing though is having the patience and allowing time to pass. I made the constant mistake of pushing my agenda and finally realized how disrespectful I was being regarding his boundaries. Began working oneself with NC and therapy and what a difference only 12 days makes. I can’t imagine what 30 or 60 will do. If I’m at a different place then and ready to start over, I plan to send a text saying “hi… I got your number from a mutual friend. I heard you were nice and a great friend. So… Hi!”. If he has moved on I’m in a better place to accept that now. All these points are great to
    Implement after a NC period though.

    1. You are absolutely on the right track. I’m really happy for you. I think what’s important to understand here is that you made a commitment to change during the NC period rather than just let time pass by. This is the key difference. I’m glad you found the post helpful.

  4. My ex is 11 years older than me. We have the best connection I could possibly imagine. But he thinks that we should wait a while and if we are meant to be then we will get back together eventually. We broke things off about 3 months ago. He still says he loves me, and we recently started hanging out again and had sex a couple times. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to have sex again at first because he said it wouldn’t change our situation. I understand his thoughts and concerns about wanting to be with me but thinking the right thing to do is wait. But I have thought long and hard about it all and I truly believe he is my one and only. How do I get him to stop worrying about what’s right or wrong and just follow his heart and be with me?

    1. What is he worried about and why does he want to wait? For the perfect timing? Janine, there is no perfect timing except when the action is taken. Are you being exclusive to him? Is he being exclusive to you? You need to show him that you have other options and won’t wait around for him. This is the only way for him to act and make you exclusive.

  5. I’ve now got a role in a film!!!! I’m following these examples and I feel great 😀 but I do want him back and I hope this works

      1. I’ve said a lot of unforgiving things to my ex while we were broken up.. I don’t see him ever forgiving me or missing me after that. It was the straw that broke the camels back.. I know it depends on the person whether they forgive you or not. But I feel so stuck. All I want is to make it better or get my friend back at least (we were friends before dating) but I can’t even get him to reply to a nice short text. I get why he wouldn’t want to talk to me. What’s there to talk about I guess.. I know you are suppose to move on and give it time, which I haven’t, but I don’t see him ever coming back or forgiving me even in time.. So I guess I don’t see the point.. but I miss him like crazy..

  6. He said he didn’t think he was treating me right and wouldn’t be able to see each other because he’s going to be going to college and working and he lives like 20 minutes away. I’ve been showing him I’m changing because he said that it bothers him the way we argued and I would argue with my family and I really am changing. We just broke up like 5 days ago though and we’re still in contact. When we broke up he told me he still loves me and kissed my cheek before he left. I love him so much and I can barely go a day without talking to him.

    1. Your ex has other priorities to focus on and can’t fully commit his energy and time to you. In other words, he’s emotionally unavailable. There’s not much you can do but respect his decisions and support it. It’s okay to stay in touch here but make sure you are moving on and attending to your priorities too. Don’t “wait” for him. Go on with your life.

  7. Hello,
    First of all, i really appreciate the work you are doing for people and showing them a right path to follow, in order to get back the person they love.
    My ex has a problem that she completely disappears after some time and she stops responding to my text, calls or anything..
    In other words, she ignores me..She has done it many times and then she simply apologises for this but we fight..
    last time when she did the same but apologised again i told her that it’s for the last time..she said okay and said that i won’t do it again..
    After this, she did the same thing again and i texted her that i am tired of this and i need a break..
    it’s been a month. Since then, i am doing no contact..
    Now, i want to make a move but i can’t find a proper text to send..
    pls help me. I love her and want her back..

  8. Me and my ex broke up and he says he has feelings for another girl and I’m doing my best to win him over but he can’t decide who he wants

    1. Be patient and give him the time he needs to decide. This is a bit counterintuitive, but if you show him that you don’t need him in your life to be happy, he’ll be more drawn to you.

  9. My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago, he said I was too b****y. I told him I wouldnt have been if you texted me once in a while. I still love him, n I think hes starting to like me again. But im not so sure gettin back together with him is a good idea if it happens, n he wants to hang out tomorrow. I want to n I cant stop thinking about it. I dont knkw what to do!! We been through so much together, and everytime I have 2 minutes to myself he os all I think about!! I need some help! I feel trapped please help me.

  10. My ex and I broke up over a month ago and I’ve tried the no contact method but I still like him. Also he’s reasontly messaged me saying he still likes me but I’m not sure whether I should get back with him. Got any advice?

    1. Are there any reasons you would want to get back with him? If you are unsure, you can just stay casual. Just don’t be invested more in the relationship than he is. This will break your heart more if things go south.

  11. My ex and I broke up because I said I wanted to end it out of anger. Now he completely wants to cut things off because I hurt him. Although I know I didn’t mean what I said, how do I get him to believe me? Please help!

    1. Send him a sincere apology and don’t expect a reply from him. Just let him know that you’re wrong and you will change to be a better person. Give yourself 30 days to really work on yourself and prove to him that you’re a new person when you’re ready.

      1. I’m in a similar situation. A week after we broke up I wrote my boyfriend an apology letter and explained that I knew I had developed some bad habits and that I understand what he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Basically saying I was sorry and accepting the breakup.

        I called him once on the phone after the break up, He didnt answer, and then he called me back. It was short and sweet convo and I let him know I was interested in his life and just hinted at something funny that made me think of him and the conversation ended on a positive note. We didn’t talk about the breakup at all.

        I’m starting NC now and have filled my schedule with cooking classes, art classes and trips for the next month and half. I’ve also been seeing a therapist weekly since the breakup and working on my own issues. I was curious what to do if I do decided to begin contact after 30+ days NC or whenever I feel ready. You say above “to prove to him that you’re a new person”.. Do you have to begin with simple texts to open the door of conversation and let them see you in a better light, the girl they fell in love with? Or do you ask them to meet with you or send a letter explaining the changes that you’ve made?

        1. Most of the time, word gets out to your ex. He’ll find a way to see what you’re up to (even if he’s not interested) through mutual friends or social media. If you feel ready to contact him, you can always initiate the first conversation and see how he respond. Keep in mind that during the first contact, don’t make it all about you even if your goal is to impress him and show him you’ve changed. Put the attention on him and show genuine interest in him.

  12. My ex recently broke up with me because he cheated. I know that should be a clear sign that he’s not worth it but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about getting back together with him and trying again. I know he still likes me and I still like him, a lot, but he doesn’t respond to my messages anymore because he thinks I “deserve better”, and he thinks getting back with me wouldn’t be right. What can I say to him to make him give us another chance? Or at least get him to talk to me like we used to.

  13. I went to a restaurant with my friend and I couldn’t keep my eyes off the waiter. After going there several times, I knew I had to leave my number. (I later found out that he noticed me too and told the hostess if I ever came in again to seat me in his section) He texted me and we planned to hang out the next day. (I have never been so excited in my life.) He went to Mississippi to get a car before we had a chance to go on our date. From there he found out his best friends dad died, so he randomly just moved to Texas. So I haven’t seen him since and its been 2 months now. But he has texted me every day since then and started to call me almost every night. He even asked me to go on a cruise with him next month. He told me that he couldn’t believe I was still talking to him because of his past, but he has changed and now he loves God more than any guy I’ve ever met, which is so important to me. But this past week he has been short with me. He hasn’t called me in a week and hasn’t texted me in 2 days now. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time, but it went from him talking to me no joke everyday to almost nothing. The night before all this, he called me and we had a great conversation. I just don’t know what just happened?

  14. Oh god…my ex bf broke up with me a few weeks ago when he said he couldnt live with a person who exuded jealous tendancies. I begged him to let me prove myself but he said no. My mother rang him to try to convince him as well but he said he had made up his mind even tho he thought I was a great girl. I emailed him and totally vented saying I would find somebody better etc and said some mean things out of hurt. He emailed me back saying he had thought of getting back and was almost convinced and then when he got my email he was thankful now he thought twice. I still love him and want him back. I emailed back saying I was an arse and I was sorry and wished him well. Have I ruined things for good?? Its harder as this was a LDR 🙁

    1. I know how you feel my ex thought twice and he thought of getting back with me but then he was glad he didn’t. I was devastated when he told me he had saw my true colors,he must have been color blind.

  15. My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me a month ago saying he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and probably hadn’t for over a year. I guess the part hardest to digest is a year ago I was physically, financially and emotionally helping supporting him through a cancer battle. I had thought we were growing closer by this and about 6, months ago had a serious possible marriage conversation. So yes I am VERY confused by this. I went through the crying, angry begging asking tons of questions phase. I am still hurt and confused but acting as normal as i can be. Pretending i have accepted his decision. I am allowing him to still live with me while he just started working full time again to save money so he can get his own place. I have moved to the sofa to sleep but still bring him his morning coffee and make his to go lunch. We can still hang out and watch TV together at times and are civil when home together. When I feel any tension I am usually the one to walk away from the situation. We hug now when one of us leaves the house instead of the usual kiss and I love you as everyday for 6 years before this. I want him back and things to be normal again before he officially moves out. Any advice.

  16. My ex was the one i really cared about I thought about him 24/7 and I thought he cared about me we were together for half a year and the i’m the the one with a broken heart. I love to do basketball and me and him would go to the court and play it together but now i’m playing against myself. I don’t think i’m even winning. I miss him and want him back I said some pretty hurtful things to him, he did also but still doesn’t get rid of the hurt inside i wasn’t mad because he broke my heart but because he promised he wouldn’t.

  17. I have a problem I’m torn between two guys what should I do one my ex boyfriend I been with for 2 years the othe guy I been with for 5 months

    1. If you think your boyfriend deserves another chance to be your one and truly then go for it . If that person you have been with for 5 months has proven to be worthy and cares for you then give him a chance. You can’t have both but you can always try and find the better person.

  18. Hi….I’ve reconnected with a man after about 34 years. He’s only 3 years older than me but has a hangup about his age…he’s only 60. When we were young…we had some amazing times and I really car red for him. I was also going with a guy at the moment we’d broken up…and he’d caught me with this other man a couple of times…and threatened to beat him up. He got tired after a while because I couldn’t seem to make my mind up who I really wanted…so he moved on. My boyfriend an I actually got back together for about 2 more years. Then we went our separate ways…but not before I got pregnant and had his child. We just fought way too much. We were not good for each other. Go ahead about 34 years and the man I had given up to be with my boyfriend comes back into my life via facebook…well I feel a whole lot more about him than I’d admit to myself. I don’t think he trusts me even after 34 years. He’s been married 4 times….me 1 time. How can we mend the love we once shared and how do we get that trust back. It does concern me he’s had 4 previous marriages…sincerely Cat

  19. My ex keeps saying we or I need to change, we argued little. Twice in the month we broke up in. He said I need to stop being upset that he leaves and didn’t let me explain my part of it. I was pissed and so was he so be ended it. Now I’m waiting to start a conversation. I’m on day one of not talking to him. I am bussing myself with work, and other guy friends and he is jealous of the other people I talk too. I reminded him he left me so he has no business being jealous. Anyway. How long should I wait to talk to him? I truly love him and he made me a very happy person.

  20. Hey
    My bf and I brokeup 2 weeks ago, a week after a fight.
    He told me that I have mood Swings, but I was only mad at him because he didnt talk to me for a few days and I wanted him to tell me in advance when he couldnt talk to me for a few days.
    Well he called me crazy and told me to fuck off.
    Do I still have a chance?
    He as problems at Home and also he s depressed.
    I accepted him like he was and still do..

  21. Hey been in the no contact rule for a month plus now I started texting him back but the first time I texted him,he called back but didnt pick up bcz I was not yet ready n sure about wat he was going to say,so I cobtinued texting which is once after a day or two no replies thought he has never replied,n neither has he told me to stop texting him,he initially had blocked me on whatsap now he unblocked me .bcz I see him on line but I am abit scared to whatsap him instead I use normal msgz my worry is if I whatsap him n hid not yet ready he might block me again and that woulf hurt me alot more just seeing him on line gives me hope,I love him miss him some pipo say may be he wanted to talk to me that time he called wen I first texted but I dont want him to think that I cant live without him,what shud I do now should I continue texting him shud I tell him I still love him or shuf I just back off and wait for him to reach out plz help me with advice please

  22. Hi charice,

    I have read all of your advice and I’m really hoping it can work for me but I’m not so sure…

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 9 months. We were quite on and off with him always being the one to end it. We were good, he would always tell me I’m out of his league. The first time he ended it he blindsided me after a lovely weekend together saying he didn’t want a relationship after being in a relationship for 5 years with a girl who cheated on him. We got back together but it wasn’t really official, I asked him if he wanted to come to my home town when my family were away which is when he ended things again saying he didn’t want a relationship and to do things like that and to go on holiday and any other couple things. He would put everyone before me as he said he put his ex girlfriend first and he regretted it and wasn’t going to do that again and also he wanted to focus on his career as it was his first year in London.

    This lasted for a couple of weeks and then we started hanging out again. He got me a really lovely birthday present, met all my friends, I met all of his, he even spoke about going to Greece with him (he’s Greek). Things were going okay, we would argue about silly things now and then especially as he was still really bad at communicating with me and would sometimes cancel on me with no apology or explanation. In November we got into an argument over this and I went crazy telling him it was really rude but he couldn’t see where I was coming from. I still kept sending loads of messages with barely any response from him. He went back to Greece for a week and when he came back he ended things saying he wasn’t happy and wanted something else. I said I wanted to talk but he said we had nothing to talk about, he had made up
    His mind and that’s it. I did NC for 3 weeks before I snap chatted him (how we started talking every time before) he didn’t reply. I messaged him a few days later, no reply. I went another few weeks but occasionally snapchatting him- no reply.

    I noticed he followed a girl on Instagram and liked one of her old photos, she did the same to him. They also became friends on Facebook and she immediately commented on his profile picture “handsome” (this is very keen behaviour,not playing it cool at all) unnoticed he also liked her photo too. I’m scared he’s dating her (she’s Greek too) but I’m hoping it’s just a rebound.

    I tried messaging at Christmas but still no reply. I’m going to do NC for a full month with no snapchats or anything this time.

    I still have hope because he looks at every single snapchat and Instagram story I post and I know before with ex’s they either delete me or they don’t bother looking but he looks at every single one and if it was me I wouldn’t look as I would want to be moving on.

    I’m scared that is it this time and this new girl might be something serious but I also have a gut feeling that this isn’t the end and that if only he was in the right place and it was the right time that things could work and we could have a proper relationship where we communicate. Do you think I’m wasting my time?

  23. My ex broke up with me. My cousin stole my phone and desided to prank my exs sister buy calling her. And acting like it was me. Then my cousin said some pretty harsh things to her. My cousin told my ex that it was her. idk what he thinks if he believes her or not. But he got mad at me for it saying I couls of tried harder to stop it. Ig I couldn’t. Its only been 3 days and I already miss him! I want him back but we both said harsh things to each other. I want to tell him how I feel but I know hes to upset to listen. I cant stop thinking about him I want him back!!! But I don’t think he feels the same. And if I tell him how I feel I think he would just get mad at me. I want him back or just to be friends but how?

  24. My bf n just broke up for good because hes stuck on my past routine, of cheating which I omit freely I did. I cheated on him while he was locked up For 26 months. Since he’s been home I never cheated on him….but like I said he afraid n stuck on my past history, I don’t blame him but what can I say or do to prove to him it won’t happen again? Plz help he’s The love of my life, my soul mate, my twin flame.The only man I want n I feel complete with.

  25. We broke up, because of the stress from a miscarriage. Its been almost a year, and i want him back soo bad, and he wants me too, but doesnt want to ‘go through that again’…what am i supposed to do? He just sent me the ‘maybe we should just be friends’ text..

  26. okay so I have no clue what to do, I really want my ex back, he broke up with me cause we barely talked and there was like nothing to talk about, he would always be with his friends and I would just be standing there. I always tried starting conversations but he said that I would have a little response and barely talk afterwards when he started one, but it’s the same way for him when I ask him something. I want to talk to him but I don’t know what to say. What should I do?

  27. My relationship was like no other. Amazing! We were best friends he was crazy about me, we traveled, talked about mairrage, we gave each other all of us. He was my first love. But suddenly he started acting weird and then soon after he told me he didn’t feel the same way. We broke up and I was devastated. I’ve tried and tried to get him back. I tried no contact for 3 weeks. Then we met up and went to a game, had a great time. He started texting me again, and then soon after he stopped. What do I do??


  29. So I dated this one guy and he is the sweetest, but i broke up with him twice I don’t know why but for some reason I ruin everything good that comes into my life, he told me that I’m not getting another chance but i never knew what love felt like until i met him and i want him back but i don’t know what to do, i really truly love him i can’t loose him again…

  30. Me and my ex broke up anout two weeks ago. I had started to notice that he was getting more and more distant. He is really kind and hes has a bad breakup before we started to date. When he broke up with me he told me he didnt want a relatio ship and that all he feels in the mood for is to be alone, focus on himself, workout and spend time with his family. Which i do understand. His and mine parents didnt know we were dating and so we couldnt hangout or go on dates out of school at all. We both dont talk to each other now but i do want to be back with him. I feel like he is different than other guys, he asks before he does anything with me and he really is quiet. I dont know how to get him back

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