Updated: October, 2019
What do you say to your ex boyfriend when you bump into him after you guys break up? How do you start a conversation? What are the questions to ask your ex boyfriend?
That first meeting can get really awkward, especially when there are other people around. You guys are no longer a couple, and now you have to redefine your status. And if it wasn’t an amicable breakup, there may be some hard feelings still being harbored. The wrong things to ask your ex can make the meeting awkward, and it can even result in a rather heated exchange.
Man and woman arguing and grabbing each other’s hair.Whatever you do, don’t let anything get the best of you.
Your first instinct will probably be to avoid him completely, and while that’s understandable, that’s also the wrong decision. Look at it this way: either you guys will get together again, or even if you don’t plan on getting back together, if you still move in the same circles then at least there won’t be some ill feelings.
You have to live your life. You have to learn how to adapt to the new situation. And that means you have to prepare the right questions to ask your ex boyfriend. Simple greetings just won’t do at all. Just saying “hi” won’t cut it. He says “hi” back to you and now there’s just going to be silence between the two of you.
But if you prepare something thoughtful to ask your former flame, you’ll have a better chance of handling the situation better. And who knows? Perhaps you just might reignite a flame to get back together.
Don’t worry, we’ll get to those smart questions to ask your ex boyfriend to get him back.
What Is The Worst Question You Can Ask?
“How are you?”
This is usually the most popular question to ask, and it’s also definite proof that the most popular can also be the worst thing ever. There are many versions of this question, such as “How’s it going” or “How are you doing”, but they’re essentially the same thing. They’re bad questions to ask an ex.
You know why I wouldn’t bother asking my ex this question? That’s because it can be answered in the same way by every guy ever. They can just say “I’m fine,” (although in these days, they may say “I’m good”). But after they answered your question, what are you going to say next?
You’ve just made an awkward situation much worse.
Regardless of what they actually feel, every guy will respond the same way. And you better pray that they answer this way, because any other answer will only intensify the awkwardness.
They can be sarcastic: “How do you think I’m doing?” This is not good if it was you who dumped him. He’s bitter and he’s letting you know it. And how can you respond to that without sounding patronizing?
They can also gloat: “I’m doing great with my new girl. Let me introduce you to her.” Having him gloat is obviously not a good thing, because it diminishes you in his eyes. Any future relationship you have in the future with this guy (whether it’s romantic, friendly, professional) must be founded in mutual respect and equality.
So what are the good questions to ask your ex boyfriend? That depends on the situation. And it doesn’t matter whether or not you are already planning to get back together with him. The things to ask your ex to get him back are the same as what you would ask your ex if you just want to be friends with him again.
You just want to get back in his good graces.
What Should I Ask When I See Him?
This is the foundation for your future relationship with this guy. Can you get back together again? Can you still remain friendly like Demi Moore is with Bruce Willis?
So here, the first thing you need to ask should be a neutral question. Try not to give him an opportunity to gloat or be bitter. The conversation will be over before you know it and you’ll have a harder time trying to follow up with that.
Group of friends making a toast before a meal.Instead, give him an opportunity to be friendly towards you.
So if it’s a birthday party, ask him what gift he gave the person celebrating their birthday. Or you can ask him a question about any of the guests. Essentially, you’re just gossiping or sharing some info with him.
It’s the same thing whether you meet him in school or in the office. You ask about other people. And you don’t ask about those people’s romantic relationship, because that will just invite comparison to your own previous relationship.
The key here is just to get him to open up and be comfortable around you. If you can get him to laugh, you’re definitely hitting the spot!
Also, keep the conversations short, sweet, and funny. That way, you could avoid any awkward moments should you run out of things to say. But always end with something positive.
You want to rebuild a positive image of you in his mind.
Again, don’t give him any chance to talk about your previous relationship with him. It’s just too soon. And you might shatter all the efforts to re-connect with him.
The thing is, you can’t just dive into a serious discussion about how you guys broke up. That only ends in bitterness, recriminations, and finger-pointing.
Your goal right now is to re-establish a new relationship by connecting with common interests you two share. Whether or not you want to get him back, your first step is to build rapport.
You’re sending a message that you’re not avoiding him, that you still like or want to talk to him, and that you don’t hate him.
By avoiding any awkwardness in the first meeting, you are making sure that the next meetings will be less awkward.
I know it’s tough to walk up to him and start a conversation. He should be doing that. But by being the bigger person here, you’ll walk out with more confidence than ever.
Who doesn’t want a woman like that?
Can I Talk About Us?
Now that the ice has been broken, so to speak, you can then ask different questions that in some ways pertain to you and your ex when the two of you meet again. This is when you can bring up the good memories in your relationship and ask those questions that will let him relive each moment.
It’ll be like two peas in a pod again.
Here are the best types of questions to ask, especially if you want to get him back.
Show that you care.
Think about a person that you met through your ex boyfriend whom both of you like. Let’s say he has a sister you both adore. You can then ask about her. “How’s Joan doing these days? I miss her jokes!” The question can be about his family, his friends, or even his dog.
The reason why this is a great topic is because it implies that you are thoughtful and care about others. Your ex probably knows that already. But you need to bring that positive quality into light again to remind him. Especially about someone else he also cares about.
Relive the best experiences.
Think about some of the best experiences you’ve had with him. Bring up the good old days and relive the happy memories. For example, let’s say there’s an upcoming concert coming to your town. You can then ask:
Do you think this concert will be better than the Rolling Stone concert we went to two years ago?
This question is a bit sneaky but extremely effective. His mind will fly back to a time when you both had an amazingly good time. Subconsciously, he will start to miss those days. Also, the way this question is worded requires him to express his opinion which makes him more engaged in the conversation.
Couple fist bumping to celebrate video game.Yes, keep him talking. The longer he talks, the more vivid he remembers.
Show interest in him.
Remember his interests and then ask about new developments. You should always be updated on what’s happening regarding his interests. Keep track of his favorite bands, authors, TV shows, or kinds of movies. You can then ask about them on your next encounter.
Your questions can be something like:
Do you think this new Transformers movie will be better than the first one?
What do you think about Stephen King’s new book?
Or you can ask about what he thinks will happen in the next episode of True Blood.
People love talking about themselves and their hobbies. The fact that you brought up the topics and still remember what he likes will make him appreciate you more.
It shows that you still enjoy the things he likes. If it’s something that he taught you, he’ll be far more impressed that you’ve stuck with it. After all, you’re telling him in some way that he has enriched and widened your tastes and that you’re a better person because of him.
Now that’s a man worth fighting for.
Let him know that he’s made an impact in your life and you want to thank him for everything.
You don’t have to make it an emotional speech. Instead, just casually plant a few appreciation messages in your conversation.
Thanks for taking me to the concert.
That was really nice of you to take my little brother out to the game. He still talks about it.
Ladies, a little appreciation goes a long way. We know it when our boyfriends come up with little surprises just to make us smile. Now it’s time to reciprocate.
The key to these types of questions above is to start a new relationship with your ex with positive memories from your past relationship. It’s important to know that you cannot revive the old relationship. You don’t want to pick up where you left off anyways because it probably ended badly.
Use the positive experiences to get him noticing you again. It’s the best advantage you have over anybody because you have so much in common already.
You only have to filter and time your conversations.
The good thing is that all you have to do is ask a question, sit back, and genuinely listen to what your ex has to say. It’s probably something you’re not used to, but you will learn so much more about him and appreciate the time you have together.
Keep The Momentum Going
Once you’ve established a new relationship, you need to keep the momentum going. The easiest way to do is through text messages.
It’s private, safe, and simple.
Plus, you won’t be in your ex boyfriend’s face all the time.Instead, you give him a chance to miss you.
For those that don’t feel comfortable to talk in person with your ex boyfriend, I strongly recommend text messaging to get back in your ex’s radar.
With text messages, your questions can get a little creative without having to keep a poker face or putting any pressure on either side.
Plus you have all the time and control to create the perfect message. I’ve written a detailed article called What To Text Your Ex To Get Him Back that highlights the best text messages to send your ex boyfriend.
Some of the techniques include text messages like:
Have you tried the new pizza place at 5th and Main? We had lunch there and the pepperoni and cheese was fantastic!
Have you seen the new band play at Jack’s Ba yet? We went there last night and they rocked!
Have you seen the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie yet? I think it was better than the Avengers.
All these questions show that you remember your ex’s interests and they’ve become yours too.
They also make it clear that you’re not asking to be invited to see these new movies and bands because you’ve already seen them.
Even better, these text messages imply that you’ve been eating pizza, watching bands and movies with someone else.Imagine what’s going through your ex’s head right now.
You’ve unleashed the green-eyed monster in him.It forces him to deal with the very real possibility that you’re moving on with your life and worse, you’re starting to see another guy. So if he can’t deal with that, he better get his act together and ask you out again!
By now, you guys have set a precedent.
Since you’ve talked about food and bands and movies, he may ask you to go with him the next time. It’ll be up to you to take up on his offer or play hard to get.
I would go for the latter and let him chase a bit.