Updated: September, 2019
What are some things you can say to your ex boyfriend who you still love and want to get back together with?
After a painful breakup, is there anything you can say that he will listen to?
You’re hurting, feeling lonely, and desperate to reach out to him and explain what went wrong.
But at the same time, you feel like you’re stepping on eggshells and anything you say will push him away more.
No worries ladies, I’ve prepared 9 foolproof things that you can say to an ex you still love. Not only will this get his attention, but these are the best words to remind him of those good old times.
And it’s only a matter of time before he checks up on you.
Ready to get him back with nice and sweet things to bring back the spark?
But, before I go into this list, we need to do a little preparation. I know you’re dying to reach out to your man, but before you do, I need to lay down some rules:
1. It’s all about timing. Don’t race off to say or text something right after a breakup or continuously. You need to find the right time.
2. Everything you say should be neutral. Nothing romantic or trying to flirt. Sure, make him laugh or stroke his ego. But the key is to keep him relaxed.
3. Don’t expect your ex boyfriend to reply or reciprocate.
4. Don’t beg and lay your emotions into your words.
5. Adding to Point #4, keep your message short. Long messages scream desperation.
Should I Say Something in Person, Call, or Text?
I highly recommend texting to start off. You’ll feel less pressured and more composed to craft what you want to say. It’s private, and you have full control of the time and message.
Plus, you save yourself all the emotions running through your mind when you see his face.
Let’s Get On With The List
Make sure to read Point Number 9 because it’s the one many of our readers find most effective. It’ll throw him off and also put you in the driver’s seat.
Most likely, you’ll need to use all the expressions at some point. Make sure you have your answers ready when the moment comes.
1. “I’m Sorry”
It sounds simple, but if you are the reason that your relationship fell apart – a genuine apology can go a long way.
No, I’m not talking about getting down on your hands and knees and begging for forgiveness with tears in your eyes; you want to be apologetic, not pathetic. An apology that will get you back in your ex’s good graces is one that avoids excuses and simply takes responsibility for wrongdoing.
Did you get cold feet and bail on the relationship when you should have stayed?
Were your flirty ways just too much for him to handle?
Did your temper cause a fight to get way out of hand?
If your relationship fell apart because you behaved poorly, and you are now wondering what to say to get your ex-boyfriend back – you have to own responsibility for your part in the breakup and offer sincere remorse.
What happens when you make the breakup your fault is that you become in control of the problem and therefore have a solution to the problem.
And by fixing it, it will lead you back to a second chance with your ex boyfriend when he sees that you have taken action.
Also, it makes you more mature and understanding.
Keep your apology messages short and sweet. Here are a few examples:
I just want to apologize for how things went down. I hate that I hurt you and that I destroyed what we had. I know it’s my fault and I’m going to fix this problem so that we can both move on.
I owe you an apology. I don’t know when in the relationship I became too clingy. I realize now how annoying that can be and I’m willing to change. It’s really my fault that we are at this point in our relationship.
I’m sorry about our breakup. I really am. I’m not asking for forgiveness, but I just want to let you know that it was wrong to treat you that way and I’m going to change to be better. Because what happened to us is not who I want to be.
I’m sorry for that nasty fight the other night. I thought we had something going on great but the truth is that I took you for granted. I should’ve respected you more and put you first like you have for me.
Your ex-boyfriend won’t know what hit him.
Instead, he will find this a nice gesture and lower his defense system. If he doesn’t, he’s really not worth fighting for (sorry).
You admitted fault, and that’s what something anyone can appreciate and respect in a man’s world.
Assuming he still harbors feelings for you, saying “I’m sorry” can pave the way right back to happily-ever-after.
Best time to say this to your ex: Wait at least 1 week. Let your emotions fade away so you can identify the problem to create a great apology.
Best to text him an apology to avoid any awkward silence.
2. “Remember That Time When…”
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in most cases, that is absolutely true. Time away from a relationship tends to make the bad parts of a pairing seem less and less important.
People forget what tore them apart and start to idealize the good memories instead.
There’s a lot of material you can use to say the right things to your ex that will trigger his good emotions.
But there’s an art to this, and subtlety is key.
You don’t want your ex to think you are trying to reel him back in. You just want to seem like an old friend reflecting on fond memories.
You can be covert like that, right?
Now what kind of memories best fits this type of message?
Pick moments and events that was all about your ex when he called all the shots.
His birthday / graduation / party. A ball game. Seeing his favorite movie.
Don’t pick any romantic events or anything that he did specially for you. This will seem like you’re making the statement all about you again and what he did for you.
Make it about him.
Here are a few ideas
Remember that time when we went to the Warriors game, and you caught one of the t-shirts in the air. You grabbed it just in time before the guy in front of us was about to jump for it. And it was very sweet that you gave it to the kid next to us.
Remember when we watched the last Avengers? Man, I can’t believe how crazy the crowd was. Can’t wait till the next sequel comes out.
Send a picture of something you two have done before and just text “Remember this?!”
See how one quick reminder will spark an entire memorable event? Your goal is to make him realize that you guys had all these great times together.
Best time to say this: Ideally, you will have already employed the No Contact Rule for a month or two before embarking on a conversation with your ex. This will give some of those bad memories a chance to fade and will leave your ex primed for a reminder of what used to be.
With this particular phrase, your best bet is to wait until you run into your ex somewhere unexpectedly. Then, all you have to do is bring up one truly spectacular memory to reignite some of those old feelings and start opening some doors to reconciliation.
Take him down memory lane.
That being said, prepare some memories ahead of time and run them in your head.
3. “I’m Doing Great!”
There are two types of girls in this world: those who play the victim after a breakup and those who use separation as an opportunity to become new and improved versions of themselves.
You want to be the latter.
Look, I have seen this go down a thousand different times myself, and the girl who moves on with her life and finds happiness away from her ex is the one who always winds up getting a second shot at him.
Men can’t help themselves. They see a woman moving on, and they begin to wonder what they may have let go.
This isn’t just about saying sweet things to make him smile. It’s also about knowing how to make him jealous.
Because jealousy can often be the driving force behind his desire to want you back.
So how do you show your excitement without faking it and coming off too braggy?
Here are some things you can say:
I’m doing great! I’ve decided to take those project management classes to get an edge at work. My boss is already giving me new projects to prepare for a new division in our company. So I’m excited about that. Oh, and I’m also taking yoga classes down the street. Remember that one, Yoga Zen? Yup, signed up for the membership.
I’m doing pretty good. My coworker got me a great deal on this car, and I’m thinking about taking a mini road trip with the girls this spring break. We haven’t seen each other for a year, so this is going to be fun to catch up.
Things are going quite well right now. I’m trying a lot of new things lately. You remember that Thai restaurant with crazy reviews on Yelp? Jenny and I made the 2-hour drive last week to check it out. Their green curry is unbelievable! Worth the drive.
Tell him about your future plans. It’s attractive as hell and a sign that you’re moving forward with your life.
Men find women who are taking steps to accomplish their goals irresistible. They love success and want to be a part of it.
Exude that confidence and wear your happiness all over your face. This only works if life is going great for you, so you have to put the work in to pursue some other passions and chase a few dreams.
Remember, your actions have to match up with your words.
Good things come to those who are willing to take risks. And building a life you can gloat about just a little the next time you see your ex is simply icing on the cake.
Best time to say this: anytime he asks you how you are doing. Be prepared to show excitement but don’t make the conversation all about yourself.
Keep it short, and if he’s interested, he’ll ask more about it.
4. “This Made Me Think Of You”
All too often men expect women to hold a grudge for ages following a breakup. And to be fair, that’s probably because most of us do. Let’s be real ladies. We have all done the spiteful thing in the past.
Although, I am neither confirming nor denying my own post-breakup transgressions.
The point is, men are prepared for us to go crazy after a split. But if you go the opposite direction and remain kind and sincere in your interactions after your breakup, not only will you surprise him – you might get him thinking that he made a mistake in letting you go.
One way to do this is to ever so subtly let him know that he is still on your mind. The perfect words to get your ex back are sometimes those that are accompanied by peace offerings.
Maybe you visited his favorite microbrewery and decided to pick him up a growler. Or perhaps you read a book that you just knew he would love.
Was at the Globe last night and they have a new craft beer called The Owl Blend. Definitely thought this is your type of beer. Go try it out!
Just passed Ross’ Bike Shop and they have a sale on accessories. Go check it out.
Send a photo of something that reminds you of your ex or something he’s interested in with a simple text “this reminds me of you!”
Saying to an ex “Hey, this made me think of you!” before passing something along that you know he will enjoy can show your former flame that you aren’t on the verge of breaking down.
In fact, you’re doing just fine – and are totally open to being friends.
Which, for the record, is how most relationships wind up rekindling. Once you’ve been intimate with somebody, it is almost impossible to go back to being just friends. So if you can slide into that friend spot, you’re only a few hangouts away from reclaiming your rightful title as his girlfriend.
Again this needs to be done in a confident and completely natural manner – no blubbering with tears as you hand over some uber-expensive gift or make everything awkward by declaring your desire to be friends.
Don’t overthink it. Just let it happen. The words to say to get him back are the ones that flow with ease and sincerity.
Best time to say this: Make your ex has cooled down and didn’t have any anger over you.
Therefore, a text message is your best bet.
If this is your first message to him, send him a photo of something that would interest him and only text “thought you might like this”.
Don’t expect a reply. Just see how it goes. If he replies “thanks” or anything subtle, it’s a big step towards your big goal.
5. “I Always Knew Your Could”
You were always your ex-boyfriend’s biggest cheerleader, and without you in his life, you can almost guarantee he is missing that constant support.
After all, you were the one that he wanted to impress most.
So why not give him a little taste of what it used to be?
One surefire thing to say to an ex-boyfriend that you still love is something that boosts his ego. If you find out that your ex has achieved some great accomplishment – he ran his first marathon, got a promotion, or competed in a local cooking competition – feel free to reach out and express your pride.
Make the conversation brief and just congratulatory.
You want to wish him the best. Nothing more.
Here are a few examples:
Just saw Jerry’s post that you had a journal article published – this is amazing! Congrats!
Wow, congrats on finishing the Crossfit Challenge! Knew you could always do it
Did you make that? Looks delicious!
Letting your ex know you still think he is someone pretty special may spark a flame that hasn’t quite yet gone out.
Best time to say this: Most likely you’ll get his updates from social media. Just wait till a few people have congratulated him and jump on board.
Don’t be the first one. It’ll seem too obvious that you’re spying on him.
And make sure to keep it short, sweet, and neutral.
6. “It’s Okay. I’m Over It.”
This is something special to say. But don’t be mistaken because I’m not referring to you being over your ex-boyfriend.
Instead, I’m referring to the fight that ended your relationship and all the negative baggage that came with it.
That’s right, you’re over the breakup. And it’s a good thing to let him know.
So when do you say something like this to your ex and not be mistaken that you’re completely over him?
When he asks how you are doing and possibly wants to apologize.
Just simply let him know that you’ve come around the nasty fight, cooled down, and ready to move on. Admit that you are at fault at some of the things and that you’ll work on yourself.
If he apologizes, reciprocate too (tell him it’s not all of his faults).
The key here is to let your ex-boyfriend know that the breakup was just a temporary bump in the relationship. Some harsh things were said, but they were minor compared to the great relationship that you two once had.
Let him know that you’re over the breakup, but you are on good terms with him.
Here are some ideas:
It’s okay. I’m over the breakup. I shouldn’t have said those things about you.
It’s okay. I’ve cooled down a bit. I glad to have this time to reflect.
I’m doing alright. Still trying to get over the breakup but I’m getting there.
I’ve been better. But I do regret saying those things to you. How are you holding up?
7. “Thank You”
Okay, here’s something you must say to your ex-boyfriend, regardless if you want to win him back or not.
This one goes back to surprising your ex with your post-breakup attitude. He is expecting you to scream and throw eggs at his car. What he isn’t expecting is for you to thank him for all the ways in which he added to your life.
Because let’s be real, you wouldn’t want him back if he didn’t make your life better.
So acknowledge him for that.
Pick up the phone and say, “You know what, I’ve been thinking, and I really want to thank you..”
Provide examples of how he helped you to learn and grow as a person, and tell him you will always be grateful for the role he played in your life. Don’t push for anything beyond that.
Simply let your gratitude show.
Here are a few ideas:
Hey, thanks a lot for always being there for me. I knew you had my back.
Thanks a lot for always going out of your way to do things for me.
I couldn’t have done a lot of things without your support.
Thanks for making me a better person and always trying to make me laugh.
Thanks for always believing in me. You really had my back.
Show your appreciation, and your ex will feel instant relief and win.
The beauty is that he won’t be able to help reflecting back on the ways you helped him to learn and grow as well. Reminding him of the good you brought to each other will get him wondering whether or not it might be worth a second shot.
Best time to say this: Anytime is good to express your appreciation. It’ll throw him off and make him think twice about what went wrong.
You can’t thank someone enough.
8. “What Happened To Us?”
This is one of those topics where we lay down the truth and open up.
Let’s clear the air and hit the refresh button.
When you’re looking back at your relationship with your ex, I’m sure this is one of those things you want to ask and determine what part of relationship went sour and how you two can prevent it.
I remembered when I started to talk to my ex again. This was a question that he brought up during our fourth lunch together. We were having a good time just catching up and laughing when he suddenly just said, “Hey, what happened to us?”
I thought for about a minute and replied, “I don’t know, life and everything that tried to break us apart.”
Okay, I was trying to sound smart and not break the vibe. But it worked because my ex just smiled and agreed.
So when you and your ex are on good terms and meeting up occasionally, ask him “Hey, what happened to us?”
It really shows that you care about the relationship. And him.
Now, if your ex asks you this question, here are a few ideas to consider:
I don’t know. Somehow I just became too controlling because I felt a little imbalanced.
I think I just became too dependent and I’m sure that put too much pressure on you. Sorry.
I just forgot to enjoy moments like this with you.
We let life get in our way of having fun.
I think we just forgot to laugh and took each other for granted.
Keep your answer simple and sweet. You can admit fault (which he’ll appreciate), or you can find a common issue that caused you two to drift away.
9. “Nothing (Recommended)”
Finally, we are at the last point which is the most effective one. The one I highly recommend you to take if you want your ex to reach out and ask to get back together.
That’s right, say nothing.
Nothing. Nada. Zip.
This is exactly what you should do at the very beginning of the breakup until he breaks the silence. Keep your silence and focus on cooling your emotions and preparing everything you should say for all the points above.
Don’t rush to say something to him especially when your emotions are running high. You’ll just come across as desperate and helpless.
This is what you should be practicing during the No Contact Rule.
And I know it’s really hard to sit there and wait to see if your ex contacts you. You’re also keen to spy on him and see what he is up to.
Whatever you do, don’t break your silence.
Cause it’s a sign that you’ll crawl back to him.
And that’s a sign of weakness to your ex-boyfriend, making it’s too easy for him.
He might turn around and walk away.
Remember when your ex chased you around town to get you to agree on your first date?
Here’s the big secret: The fact that your ex hasn’t heard from you makes him wonder what you’re up to. He will all these questions in his head about what you’re up to and will be naturally curious to do a little recon to see if you have moved on.
The person who keeps their silence the longest wins.
Should I Say Mean Hurtful Things To My Ex?
The short answer is NO.
There is no reason to go low at any point. Even if your ex says nasty things about you, we always go high ladies.
Don’t drop to his level. The more you ignore his mean comments, the dumber he looks trying to be funny.
There’s no reason to say any mean things to your ex. It doesn’t do anyone any good and only hurts you more because you want to retaliate.
Also, keep the snappy comebacks to yourself. No matter how hard it is to bite your tongue, it’s not worth having karma come back and bite you in later on.
I know you want to stand up for yourself. But the best way to do this shows him that your life is better without him.
Men are attracted to success. If he sees you better off without him, it’ll make him jealous.
In addition to mean things not to say, here are some other things you shouldn’t say to your ex at all:
“I miss you.”
“I’d do everything different this time.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
“I think you are the one.”
“I will do anything for you.”
“I know love because of you. There is no one else but you.”
“ If I am still your girl…”
“Let’s be friends.”
Do you see the common theme here? Don’t beg or sound desperate to get him back!
What About Sending Something Funny?
By all means, go for it but don’t expect a conversation out of it. If you send him a photo of something funny, don’t get offended if he doesn’t reply.
My suggestion is to post something funny on your Facebook or Instagram account and see if he responds. If he does, then it’s a sign that he’s keeping a tab on you and it could be safe to send him a funny text or photo through his phone.
If your ex doesn’t want to hear from you, then a funny text isn’t just going to light up the mood.
If you’re not sure what to text him, then check out this article on texts that will get your ex back.
How To Tell Your Ex You Want Him Back
Okay, I’m sure this is what you are looking for and something I’ve eluded throughout the article.
The short answer is: you don’t tell him about getting back together.
Instead, you say all the things (like the points above) that signal your ex-boyfriend that you’re ready to go another round with him.
And you let him chase you again. This time, with the new you.
The reason why I don’t recommend telling your former flame directly that you want to get back together is that I think it shows that you are weak. And if you come across the wrong way, he might think you’re manipulating him.
Yup, guys might think this is all a setup.
Don’t tell him what you want. Show him what he deserves.
Someone as awesome as you who will rock his world again.