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I know you’re staring at your phone. Maybe even written a text message that you’ve prepared for a long time for your first contact with your ex. Every word carefully was chosen to show that you’ve changed and ready for a second chance.
But just before you hit send, a new worry comes up.
Wait, should I text him first?
Or should I wait for him to contact me?
Girl, I’m here to tell you there’s no rule on who should be contacting who first. In fact, if you want to get him back, go ahead and contact your ex-boyfriend first.
Go after the man you love!
Why Should I Text My Ex First?
Some of my clients disagree with me that they (women) should be contacting their ex first. Women should wait for their exes to reach out to them as a gesture that the man truly wants to get back together.
This is not true.
Look, when you contact your ex-boyfriend first, you’re only initiating contact, not chasing him to get back together.
These are two separate matters.
You’re simply opening up and seeing if your ex is ready to talk again. You’re signaling to him that you’ve matured, moved on from the past relationship, and ready to talk.
Think of it as getting on his radar.
If you’re the one who wants to get back together, then using texts to see if your ex will respond is the best option. It eliminates the awkwardness of meeting in person and gives you all the time to come up with the perfect text.
One that he will respond with a smile on his face.
But why should you text your ex first?
Because you want to get your ex-boyfriend back!
It should be that simple and clear. If this is your goal, then reaching out to your ex first should be a no-brainer.
There is zero shame in sending the first text, especially when your message conveys a new version of you who’s already turning heads.
Are You Ready To Talk To Him Again?
Before you even start thinking about texting your ex-boyfriend, make sure you’re mentally and physically prepared to start a new relationship. You can’t be the same old you again. You need to find that self-confidence again.
The girl who turns head and lives her life how she desires.
Here’s a short checklist of what you to do before you text your ex:
- Go through 30 days of No Contact
- Move on from your past relationship and breakup
- Regain your self-confidence
- Learn how to be a better partner
- Give your ex time and space
All the points above happen during the no contact period. It can be 30 or 60 days, however long you need to achieve these improvements. As long as you are committed to making some changes to your lifestyle, I have no doubt that your ex will respond to your first text.
I cover all these topics in-depth on my website. Another option is to follow a program like Text Your Ex Back to guide you through each step with specific instructions. It’s one of the best relationship programs that I’ve learned from and found effective.
Here’s a quick video about the program.
Before you make your first move and send that text message, make sure you are contacting your ex for the right reasons. Even though you are ready to get back together, the content of your text should not reveal your true intentions.
You’re sending texts to grab his attention and slowly reel in his trust and comfort. Therefore, your only goal with your first text is to get him to respond positively.
If you are unsure whether you’re texting your ex-boyfriend for the right reasons, I have written an article to help you decide whether or not your motives are right or not.
As long as your text is about something specific that your ex is interested in and feels is harmless to reply, you have a way back into his radar.
3 Reasons Why You Should Be First To Send Him A Text
Okay, so we’ve established why you should text your ex, to get him back. Let’s dig in a little deeper with some reasons why it works in your favor to take the initiative and text him first.
1. You text when you are ready.
Once you’ve gone through the No Contact period, you should get a boost in your self-confidence and feel like you’re ready to take over the world.
When you’re ready to start a new relationship, the confidence is clear and carries into your text message. Instead of sounding desperate, apologetic, and sad, your confidence can make your texts upbeat and sassy.
Something that draws attention and curiosity from your ex, which will lead him to reply.
Trust me, when you’ve reinvented yourself (for your own sake), your whole new vibe will be felt by everything around you.
When you get the sense that things are going well, that’s when you know you’re ready to contact your ex again.
2. You control the first message.
The first text message to your ex is crucial. Therefore, you should take the time to craft the right message with the right choice of words. I go into details below about what type of messages is best for your first text.
I’ve always recommended initiating the first contact. Firing the first shot shows that you are ready. You picked the moment to break the silence, and you are prepared with a game plan to win your ex-boyfriend back.
3. You have a game plan.
You don’t start a business without a business plan or plan an event without a to-do list. Getting your ex back is a lengthy endeavor, and you need a game plan to follow every step of the way.
The main reason why you need a plan is that it keeps you on track of your progress and prevents you from going rogue if your emotions get the best of you.
Don’t skip out of making a game plan. It’s a reassuring effort to make sure you are prepared. However, it is not necessary to plan everything in detail from the very beginning. Don’t get obsessive here, girl.
Have a rough guide at the beginning and generate some ideas. Only plan in detail when you’ve reached a phase, so your plan of attack is more relevant and concise.
One way to create a game plan is to follow a program like Text Your Ex Back, which walks you through the whole process of getting an ex back. The templates and exercises really help you generate ideas and text messages for every phase.
Below is a link to a video of how the whole system works.
Should I Text Him First?
I can’t stress enough how important the first text is. It’s the ice-breaker after many weeks of utter silence. Keep in mind that the last time you spoke to your ex was filled with anger and hurtful words.
And now you’re trying to make a second first impression to someone who knows you better than anyone else.
Pretty tough to change your ex’s mind, right?
I want to get you into the right mindset about what you’re up against. I’ve been in your shoes many times and have helped many women prepare for this endeavor.
Are you getting butterflies in your stomach?
It can be nerve-wracking, but it doesn’t have to be. Once you know what types of text are best to get a response, all you need is to change the context to fit your situation.
For your first text, the only type of text I recommend are called one-off texts.
Here’s the idea behind it: You send a text message asking for advice or help from your ex-boyfriend. If it is something that interests your ex, he is more likely to reply and help out.
It seems harmless, right?
Regardless of how much your ex hates your guts, deep down, he still cares to a certain level. It’s innate in him to help in some way if he sees no harm in a quick reply.
Plus, it gives your ex a little ego boost knowing that you’re asking him for help.
Here’s an example of a one-off text:
Hey, do you think the iPhone 11 is worth the price, or should I go for a Samsung? Mine just broke and need a new phone quickly. Thanks.
You’re merely asking for some advice and help. If your ex-boyfriend is into electronics, it’s a quick and easy reply for him. It’s an easy bait, and hopefully, your ex will reply with a long text that you can work with for your next message.
Why is it called a one-off text? Because these text conversations should only be a few exchanges. Remember, you are asking for specific advice or help. Once that’s achieved, the communication stops regardless of how well it’s going. You don’t want to raise any suspicion from your ex that may lead to your true intentions of getting back together.
Get in and get out.
Send him the first text and let him decide whether he wants to respond or not. If your text is neutral, there’s no reason for him not to text back.
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