When You Shouldn’t Text Your Ex
Texting your ex is a controlled process. Regardless of how casual your texts look, it requires the practice of timing and choice of words to get the right feedback. It seems easy, but it takes some practice to create the right text.
If you’re not sure where to start, I’ve written a lot of articles on how to text your ex on my blog. This is where you start.
That being said, there are certain topics and moments that I strongly advise my coaching clients and readers not to talk about. It doesn’t matter if you’re sending your first text or you are sending messages regularly. Just keep these topics off limit until you have met your ex in person and everything feels right.
Are You Lonely?
If you are feeling lonely, don’t text your ex. Text your friend or family instead. Your ex is the last person who wants to know you’re lonely. In fact, he might think it’s a trap! Don’t let your ex be the answer to curing your loneliness.
Are you looking for a booty call?
Regardless of how harmless a booty call with your ex is, don’t try to be a doormat. It’s not worth it, girl. You are better than that. And a booty call is not going to help you get back with your ex.
You’re just making it easier for him to get into your pants, not your heart.
You want a man to respect you. Not someone you train to call at midnight and asking for some late night fun.
Are you feeling nostalgic?
When you’re processing your breakup and moving on, this period can be emotional. Everything you see, hear, or pass by can bring a little nostalgia about your relationship.
Even the scent of cinnamon at a local shop could bring in so many conversations to your mind if it were something you and your ex shared together.
But since the relationship is over, keep the nostalgia to yourself. While it may trigger great memories for you, it might not be the same for your ex. He might be trying hard to move on, but a text from you to remind him of the past is the last thing he wants to hear.
I know. Your intentions are pure and casual. But a nostalgic text is like a dagger to your ex’s heart when you both know it’s over.
Keep these feelings to yourself until you are on good talking terms with your ex.
YouIs Your Ex Mad At You?
If you know your ex is mad at you, stay away and give him space. That’s the best thing you can do for each other.
Don’t try to jump in and apologize or reason with him. He doesn’t want to hear from you, period. This includes sending a text asking him if he’s still mad at you.
Believe me, I’ve had some clients in the past where they send texts to ask if their ex is still mad at them.
Hey, are you still mad at me? If so, I’m really sorry. Please let me know what I can do to help.
It’s crazy why anyone would send a text like this! But it’s quite common with a desperate mindset. One client explained to me that the reason she wanted to send a similar text is that she wanted to help. She saw an opportunity to come into her ex’s attention and wanted to be there for him to ease the pain.
What she didn’t realize is that she’s the pain in his heart. Any comment from her is only going to add fuel to her ex’s anger.
The only thing you can do is give him time and space. He’s not in the right mindset yet, so there’s no need to waste your efforts.
<5. First Thing In The Morning or Late At Night/h3>
Just imagine your ex seeing your text first thing in the morning or the last thing before he goes to bed. Regardless of what the message is, the timing adds a layer of intimacy to it. Your messages become more personal and can backfire if your ex gets a bad vibe from it.
I hope I’m not putting ideas in your head! But my best advice is to avoid sending a message at these two time periods. You want to get to that level of intimacy, but that doesn’t happen until you two are comfortable with each other.
It’s hard to pinpoint a time, but the best hack is to wait for your ex to text you at these times. Then you’ll know for sure you are in the zone.
For now, send your texts during lunch or after work. Try to avoid business hours in case your ex is busy and doesn’t come around to your text.
What If My Ex Doesn’t Reply?
My rule of thumb is: never to expect a reply for your ex. Have a “whatever” attitude when it comes to waiting for an answer. It makes your life easier and your heart lighter.
Don’t hold your breath and wait for him to respond. Even if you feel your chances are high.
There could be a million reason why your ex didn’t reply. Maybe he got distracted and never gotten around to replying.
It’s also possible that he’s taking a step back because he’s surprised that things are going so well and too fast for him. He might be a little hesitant but just let him reply at his own pace.
As long as you have a “no strings attached” mindset to texting, you are always on the winning side. Just go about your day with a smile on your face.
The ball is in your ex’s hand to make the next move.
Should I Text Him If He’s Dating?
If your ex-boyfriend is dating someone else, it depends on the situation and how far along their relationship is. But before you go on thinking you can still text your ex, have some consideration and courtesy for your ex’s current girlfriend.
We still need to act with class girl.
Keep in mind that you are the “ex” here and it is much easier for your ex-boyfriend to drop communication any minute to make his girlfriend happy.
So be classy and only have a legitimate reason to text him.
Should I Text My Ex?
If you haven’t talked to your ex-boyfriend in over a year or he’s moved to another city, send him a one-off text to see if he will respond.
No rule says you can’t and shouldn’t text an ex that you’ve lost contact with for a long time. In fact, it could be a good thing for you two to reconnect.
All the emotional pain is gone. The wounds have healed. A lot is water under the bridge.
But what should you text to break the ice? How about a greeting like this.
Hey, I just bumped into Alex yesterday, and he told me you moved to Atlanta. How is it?
Nothing too fancy, just a casual text asking your ex how he is doing.
Can I Text Him Right After Our Breakup?
It depends on how bad the breakup was. I would advise our clients to wait a few days or a full week to let the emotional stress fade away.
What should you text when both of you are so fragile?
An apology text.
Send a short text to apologize for the breakup fight and that you didn’t mean for things to go down like that.
Hey, I just wanted to apologize for how things went the other day. I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I feel bad about it.
Only Text Your Ex To Get Back Together
There’s only one reason why you want to reconnect with your ex, to get back together. I’ve met some clients who want to stay friends with their ex. But trust me, that relationship gets awkward once one of you starts dating someone else.
Don’t dig a rabbit hole that ends in jealousy.
Texting doesn’t need to be hard. With a solid game plan and templates to follow, your chances of getting a good response from your ex are imminent.
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