Updated: October, 2019
Can you really text your ex back? Is texting the best way to get your ex-boyfriend’s attention and reel him back into your life again?
For me, the answer is yes. Texting is that powerful.
I’m a big advocate of using text messages to rekindle a relationship. It was my go-to technique when I used to reach out to my exes in the past. It’s the primary method that I teach our clients when they’re ready to contact their exes.
But why is texting so powerful?
Because texting gives you all the time and space you need to craft the perfect message that your ex will want to hear. A text allows you to create a mix of ambiguity and excitement that triggers your ex’s curiosity and emotions.
In other words, if you know the techniques of writing a perfect text message (which I’ll show you in this article), then you can be in full control of the conversation.
Or your whole journey to get your ex back.
Texting is also the best option compared to meeting in person, calling, or writing emails which you know your ex won’t bother to read.
Meeting or calling your ex will make you stumble for words if you can’t control your emotions. A nervous stutter from your voice can reveal your insecurity which your ex might assume your call is about getting back together.
Emails allow you to write long, desperate letters. I’m sure you will be spilling all the emotions and questions in your mind, sprinkled with a dozen apologies. Your ex isn’t going to open and read it if he sees it’s from you. So why waste all that effort when your ex-boyfriend isn’t going to read it?
Texting is your best option girl, especially if you want to text your ex back.
Using Texts To Get Your Ex Back
Once you understand the process and the techniques, you will learn how easy it is to craft persuasive, emotionally-charged texts that can rekindle his feelings for you.
One of the best resources that I’ve found on using texting in relationships is called Text Your Ex Back. It’s a program by a relationship expert called Michael Fiore that focuses on breakups and rekindling relationships. Texting is the main form of communication to get you on talking terms with your ex.
If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide, then look no further. The Text Your Ex Back program covers everything you need to know about going through the breakup and getting back on your feet as quickly as possible.
If you want to learn more, click the link below to read my detailed review.
I strongly recommend a guide like this to help you go through the breakup and the recovery process. If you don’t have any support, the process can be exhausting and hard. Just painful to get through the day with nothing to look forward.
I’ve personally practiced a lot of the ideas in the program before. In fact, I’ll be referring to some of the ideas in this article to show you how helpful a guide like this can be life-changing for you.
In this article, you’ll learn why texting is the best method to help you get your ex-boyfriend back. I will share some techniques along with some text examples to prove to you how effective texting can be to get the response you want from your ex.
Remember that excitement from your ex when he first laid eyes on you? I’m going to show you how to trigger that same look and bring back the good old memories.
Before You Start Texting…
It would be unprofessional for me to jump right into the techniques of texting your ex back without doing some prep work. I know you’re here to learn more about it, but before we can get to the texting stages, you’ll need to work through these two checkpoints in order to prepare yourself for the right mindset.
- Do the 30 Day No Contact Rule.
- Understand what went wrong in your relationship.
I have separate articles for both of these two points above. So I’ll quickly touch upon these ideas to make sure you understand the entire process of getting your ex back.
By the time you absorb both of these points, you’ll have a stronger reason why you need to get back together with your ex-boyfriend.
Getting Yourself Together & The 30 Day Rule
The most important thing right now is to get you out of that miserable, lonely hole. The longer you are stuck in there, the harder it is for you to take control of your life.
This is the purpose behind the No Contact Rule: to give you time and space to recover from your emotional wounds. It’s also time for you to reflect on your life and decide what’s best for you.
In other words, it’s time for you to be selfish.
I can’t stress how necessary the No Contact Rule is. I know from personal experience how hard it is. I’ve failed it many times! But no matter how hard it is. Put down that phone!
Ladies, I know how hard it is to avoid your ex. But this is one of (if not the) most important parts of the process. You need to wait 30 days before contacting him. That’s it – bottom line.
The breakup is still too fresh. You still have too many wild emotions flying around to make meaningful contact with your ex.
Just think about it – do you really have anything thoughtful to say? At this point, you’re either fuming over the breakup or crying uncontrollably.
I made the mistake of contacting my ex during the first 30 days, and you know what happened? The two of us just went back and forth, throwing blame and anger at each other. We were still so hurt about the breakup. The wounds were still healing.
Trust me, I learned the hard way that waiting is the only thing you should (and can) do. Don’t make the same mistake as I did.
Don’t blow your second chance to make things right.
So, what do you do during the 30 days of no contact?
Work on you.
Pamper yourself. Get into shape, and spend some time on your mental and emotional well-being. Get out there and date other people. Go out with the girls. Get your confidence back.
Start being awesome again.
Look, the No Contact Rule doesn’t have to be strict and hard. It can be natural and forgiving if you treat this period as a time block for yourself. A lot of people, including me, failed no contact because we viewed the silent treatment as a way to ignore our ex. But when we’re doing that, we are putting a lot of focus and energy to the idea of neglecting our ex, and not enjoying this time being single and free.
This is the wrong mindset.
Instead, channel your focus and energy to what matters to you — your family, friends, work, passions, and interests.
Focus on you.
The standard No Contact Rule everyone hears about is harsh and ineffective. Most women are just counting down days like some magic solution will appear on Day 30.
For me, I’ve learned and taught an active version of the No Contact Rule.
It’s flexible and painless. The focus of my version is to liberate yourself and help you re-discover your feminine power. You need to learn to trust yourself again. Once you realize how much “influence” you have, the journey to get your ex back will be easier than you think.
What Went Wrong In Your Relationship?
This is probably one of the hardest things to admit and work on. Which is why I talk about it separately to the No Contact Rule, although it is one of the things you do during this period.
It’s the elephant in the room. And here’s the question you need to answer.
Why did you break up?
Now that you’ve solemnly sworn off contact, you can start your journey to understanding what went wrong.
It doesn’t matter if you were the dumper or got dumped; something in your relationship wasn’t clicking. The spark is gone, and you’re not attracted to each other anymore. Being together seems to be a burden.
Now let’s be honest here and admit the truth. What happened? Before you start pointing fingers and say it’s all your ex’s fault, remember that a relationship is a two-way street. You are just as much to blame as your ex.
For example, you initiated the breakup because your ex cheated on you. Do you think it’s entirely your ex’s problem? From the outside looking in, yes. But deep down, you have to ask yourself why your ex cheated on you.
There must be a reason why your ex decided to look for attention and comfort elsewhere because he wasn’t feeling it from you.
I know how hard it is to admit and seek the truth. But at this point, there’s no reason to shy away from being brutally honest with yourself. It’s even easier if you put the blame on yourself and try to fix those mistakes.
Call yourself out and accept the idea of judging yourself.
It’s hard to get this process started, or let alone, where do you begin? What questions do you ask yourself to dig out the truth?
The Text Your Ex Back program has a specific section to help you work through this process. It’s called Dumper and Dumped and calls on you to ask yourself a tough question: Why did you break up?
The exercises help you work through the breakup and understand what went down before your big fight. If you were the one that got dumped, then you must have heard one of these classic breakup excuses from your ex.
- It’s not you, it’s me. (We’ve all heard this one before)
- Our relationship isn’t going anywhere.
- You don’t appreciate me, or I can’t relax.
- I found someone else.
What do these reasons mean? There’s a lot of hidden indications in each of these excuses your ex throws at you. Once you know the hidden meanings behind the list of reasons your ex uses to break up with you, then you have a better idea of knowing what went wrong.
It’s a hard process, and I wouldn’t recommend doing it alone. It’s much easier if you have worksheets from a program to help you work through your thoughts.
If you face the pain now, you’ll have a better chance of winning and building a stronger relationship, whether it’s with your former flame or a new partner.
The last point I want to make is understanding the goal of this process. What you are trying to achieve here is to separate your ex-boyfriend from your old relationship and treat it like two different issues.
Your ex is a great guy. Let’s leave it at that for now.
Your old relationship is the problem.
Your goal is to move on from the old relationship and restart a new one with your ex.
Now let’s move on to texting.
The Art of Text Messaging: Text Judo
Now that we have discussed the prep work that needs to be done before contacting your ex, let’s move on to how text messages can help you reach out to him.
In this section, you’ll get a sneak peek of Text Judo, the texting guide in Text Your Ex Back. I’m going to reveal different techniques and text examples from the program to show you how creative and powerful texting can be.
Once you know the techniques and templates, the power to craft desiring text messages will be at your fingertips.
You’ll be able to throw your words around like a true judo master.
The principles behind Text Judo are:
- Texting is the most efficient and powerful way to communicate. You are in full control to craft the perfect message and send it at your own comfort.
- You use what’s left from your relationship and harness the energy (positive or negative) into positive emotions you can mutually benefit from.
Let’s See What Your Texts Look Like Now
Let’s do a simple exercise here. Take out a piece of paper or open a messaging app, and write/type the best text message you can think of sending to your ex.
Can be about any topic or situation. Your goal is to get him to reply positively.
Can’t think of something? Does your text look like anything below?
Hey, how are you?
Hey, I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean for things to go wrong. Can we talk?
Hey, I still believe you are my soulmate, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right. Please come back.
Ladies, if you are sending any text messages that resemble any of the examples above, you need to stop right now. What you are doing (or thinking of doing) is just going to push your ex-boyfriend further away.
Just read the examples above out loud and see how it screams pity and desperation.
Do you really want to go back into a relationship where you begged for love and acceptance?
No, you don’t.
This is why I recommend a program like Text Your Ex Back to show you how to properly craft the perfect text that your ex will happily reply to.
Don’t try to formulate the text message. Use one of the templates in the program and change it to your situation. I’ll show you some great text examples below.
Why Use Texts To Get Your Ex Back
With texts, you are in full control of what you want to express, and when you want to send that message. All in the comfort of your home.
Before you hit that send button, you can reread and revise the text until you get it just right.
Trust me. Only a few words can do the trick to trigger the right response from your ex. You want to connect with your ex and rebuild that attraction and trust again.
Here’s the other important thing, you need to have a legitimate reason why are you texting your ex-boyfriend.
Wanting to get your ex-boyfriend back is not a reason. It’s the end goal.
For example, your very first text is not only to say hi. But you need a specific reason why you are texting him. Usually, I would recommend asking for your ex’s help or expertise. It’s harmless enough that he will usually take the bait.
So here are a few rules that I usually abide by:
- Have a specific topic to write about
- Always be positive and exciting
- Never brag or gloat about your new single life
- Never send a negative text
- Don’t expect a reply.
Even if you are asking for help, don’t let it bother you if your ex-boyfriend doesn’t reply. Maybe he’s busy or isn’t ready to talk to you. Perhaps he’s trying to find a way to write a good text back. Trust me. Men struggle with texting more than women.
If he doesn’t reply, take the silence as an indicator that he hasn’t moved on from the breakup. He needs more time for the time being.
At least the ball is in his court, and you can wait while moving forward with your awesome life.
If there’s no reply for a week or so, wait a few more weeks and hit him up with another text message. At some point, the man is going to be mature about the situation and send you a courtesy reply.
The 5 Phases of Texting With Text Judo
Okay, now you know the power and importance of texting, let’s move on to the techniques and text examples.
Here’s the most important thing you need to remember: there are different types of texts to use depending on your situation with your ex. Don’t jump to advanced tactics when you’re sending your first text.
You might startle your ex and make him run further away.
Remember, each step of the texting plan is to slowly trigger a positive response that your ex feels is harmless to engage. You want to be as neutral as possible in the very beginning while testing the waters.
This is why the Text Judo guide is split into five phases. You will learn about all the five phases below, including text examples I’ve used in the past to coach my clients.
Here are the five phases of Text Judo:
- Let the Contact Begin
- Test The Waters
- Validate Your Ex’s Feelings
- Translate Your Emotions
- Connect The Dots
Phase 1: Let The Contact Begin
Phase 1 is all about breaking the ice and initiating contact with your ex — nothing else.
The only text technique to use: Across the Bow Texts.
How does it work? With the G.E.A.R. method. Let me explain.
G = Gently
Keep it light and simple. Now’s not the time to dredge up any emotions.
E = Establish
This step is all about initiating contact and setting up the foundation for future work. In other words, don’t start asking your ex to meet up or talk. In fact, don’t even bring up your past relationship.
A = Affirmative
Always send positive texts. The goal here is to get rid of the negativity and start over. You can’t do this if you’re sending negative messages filled with anger or blame.
R = Rapport
Inspire conversation. Don’t just send meaningless texts, or worse, bombard your ex with messages. Send him messages that he can respond to.
Don’t ask him to get together. And remember, this is not a booty call, and you won’t be able to fix your relationship with just these initial texts. Ladies, you’re setting up the groundwork for a stronger, better relationship with these texts.
Here are some Across the Bow text examples to give you an idea of what kind of messages you’ll be sending:
If your ex responds in a positive way, you can start sending a few Best of Relationship Texts. These texts bring up positive memories. Taking a trip down memory lane will help him remember the good times you shared.
You need to be careful here, though. Only send these texts if he responds positively to your initial messages.
If you send a memory text too quickly, your ex may be on to you thinking you’re making a move. Don’t try to pick out the best moment in your relationship. But use a memory that you guys talk about a lot and sounds neutral.
Stay out of any memories that celebrate your anniversary or big dates. Surprises for Valentines or your birthday are also a no go.
Here are some great examples of Best of Relationship texts:
Or a sneaky little trick to get your ex to remind you of an experience. Bet you he’s wondering why you’re asking.
Remember, in Phase 1, you’re trying to initiate contact to see if your ex will respond. Keep the texts light and friendly. Make it as harmless as possible so your ex-boyfriend doesn’t feel there’s an agenda behind it.
Phase 2: Test The Waters
In this phase, we start to get a little more intimate with your ex by showing him support. Let him know you still care.
We do this by testing the waters with Intimacy Booster Texts.
Maybe your ex is going through a tough time, and you want to let him know that you’re there for him. Or, perhaps his mom’s birthday is coming up, and you want to remind him. These texts drop little hints that you still care and remember things that are important to him.
Make this text all about your ex. Give him a subtle sign that you are rooting for him and that you’re still his cheerleader. Just don’t get too excited in your text that you know everything that’s going on with him.
Also, don’t send a reminder about something your ex might find surprising to hear from you. That will set off the stalker alarm!
The simple fact that you sent a short and sweet message will bring smiles to your ex. It shows that you still care, which is a big boost to him if he finds it helpful.
With Intimacy Booster texts, don’t expect a reply here. If you get a smiley face or a simple “thanks,” then congrats to you! That’s a huge sign that your ex appreciates you.
Phase 3: Validate Your Ex’s Feelings
Phase 3 is all about validation. This is where things start to get a little hot. It’s now time to stop playing games and let your ex-boyfriend know how you feel.
This is where you dig deep and let your heart speak. This is the moment you lay all your cards on the table, and honestly express your feelings to your ex.
I know honesty can be tough. But at some point, you have to stop beating around the bush. You’re not making a big move to get back together yet. That’s your ex’s job.
What you’re doing here is being honest with your ex about your feelings towards him.
Take all the time you need to prepare for this phase because it’s a big one. Your chances are not over if you messed up here. But keep in mind that you want to present a new version of yourself who your ex-boyfriend is willing to give a second chance to.
In this phase, you will be using Emotional Honesty Texts. Luckily there are different types of Emotional Honesty texts to choose to suit your situation and comfort.
There are a few ways to do this:
Tell him what you appreciate about him. For example, “I really appreciate how you were there for me when my grandmother passed away.” Let him know that you’re grateful he’s in your life. A little gratitude goes a long way.
Compliment him, and be confident about it (here’s a great list). Here’s one of my favorite examples of Michael Fiore’s text messages that work really well: “I’ve always loved your hands.” It’s so simple but so powerful.
“What I Miss” Texts
Let him know what you miss about him, and be specific. Use sights, smell, and sensory images to bring those memories back to life.
“How I Feel” Texts
Tell him how you feel. These are tricky. You need to be confident, and you need to be simple. If your message stinks of desperation, you may turn him off – for good. Here’s a great example of this type of text: “It’s funny, but sometimes I really crave you. I always felt so calm and safe around you.”
Don’t let these texts scare you. Being honest is difficult, but he needs to know your true feelings. He’ll respect you more for that.
Phase 4: Translate Your Emotions
Now it’s time to translate those emotions into attraction and closeness using Green-Eyed Monster Texts and Attraction Texts.
We all know how powerful jealousy can be. We want what other people have, and we get protective when other people try to take what’s “ours.” Green-Eyed Monster, or GEM, texts use jealousy in a positive way, but your timing has to be right, and you need to be at least a little subtle about it.
Remember, you’re sending these texts to get his attention – not make him angry. Your goal is to flirt a little by drawing jealousy and curiosity from your ex.
Make sure you bring up a topic or even that your ex is interested in so that he has some interest in it rather than the mere fact that you did something with someone else. If the text contains a topic or event that your ex isn’t interested in, then he’s going to see right through the text that you’re trying to make him jealous for another agenda.
Again, make the focus of the text about the topic/event your ex is interested in, not you.
Here’s an excellent GEM text example to understand how this all ties together.
See how subtle, but powerful this message is? You’re letting him know you were out with someone else, but without throwing it in his face. And let’s be honest – he’s going to assume you were out with another guy. At this point, his old protective instincts will kick in, and he’ll start wanting you even more than he did before this stage.
You will be getting right into his mind without him even realizing it.
Making him jealous will rekindle his attraction for you, and once this happens, you can start sending Attraction texts. I’ll warn you, though, these are text messages that will make him want you. You need to make sure that you send these at the right time, and you need to keep it virtual.
Bring up a sexy story. Remind him of a sexy characteristic that you love about him.
Phase 5 Connect The Dots
We are now in the last phase which you’re ready to seal the deal. By this point, you should be able to get your ex’s attention, establish a basic emotional and physical connection, and show that you’re emotionally mature and interested.
Your goal here is to transfer your texting relationship to an actual meet up! That’s right, time to close on your ex-boyfriend with Seal the Deal Texts.
This one is easy since you have been texting for a while now.
Hey, I’m around your area tomorrow for a meeting. Wanna catch up for coffee?
Make it as simple and casual as possible. If your ex-boyfriend opposes or has second thoughts, you can either drop it like its no big deal or give a simple nudge that it’s just coffee.
Personally, if my ex isn’t sure about meeting up (for coffee), I would reply something like this:
Okay, no worries. My meeting ends at 3 pm. Let me know if you change your mind. Enjoy your day.
See how that makes you the boss!
READ: Should I Talk To My Ex?
A Little Disclaimer About Text Judo
Okay, now that you have an idea of how Text Judo can help you text your ex back, you need to use the tactics carefully.
I wanted to add in a little disclaimer here just to make sure that you are not using the techniques for the wrong reasons.
Text Judo is not about manipulation or tricking your ex into getting back together. If your ex is truly over you, there may be no hope for your relationship.
But if your ex still has even an ounce of feelings for you, this system will work. The messages you send will be powerful, and they’ll bring back old memories that will rekindle his old feelings for you.
If you want to get Text Judo a try, get the full blueprint and more text examples in the Text Your Ex Back program.
Can You Text Your Ex Back?
Yes, you can.
It worked very well for my clients and me.
Texts are so easy to use and apply once you know the right techniques and the process. Text Judo is one of the best blueprints you can use to guide you through every step.
Take out the guesswork. Just follow the text examples and hit send.
Texting relieves the emotional tension and awkwardness that usually occurs in a phone call or meeting in person. You simply don’t want to start on a bad note and ruin your chances.
But before you text him, make sure you fully understand the reason you are reaching out to your ex and what kind of response you expect from you.
Want to learn more about texting? Keep reading onto the next article about how to text your ex to learn about my golden rules of texting.
READ: How To Text Your Ex The Bulletproof Way