Updated: November, 2019
One of the most common feelings you’ll get after your breakup with your ex is the urge to contact him.
Should I text my ex? I wonder what he’s up to?
It’s natural to get this constant urge of wanting to check up on your ex. It’s a force of habit that you haven’t quit because your mind is always thinking about him.
And it makes sense because everything used to revolve around him.
But now the relationship is over and you’re missing him, is it okay to text your ex like the old days?
The quick answer is no if you just want to reach out only because you’re missing your ex.
In fact, the only reason you should be texting your ex is if you have the intention of getting back together.
However, your texts should never be about wanting to get back. The purpose of texting is to start talking again until you are comfortable with one another to meet in person.
Should I Text My Ex If I Want Him Back?
Yes, this should be the only reason why you should start talking to your ex again – getting back together. Take the time to think through your past relationship and decide if it is worthwhile to go through the journey of winning him back.
It’s a long road ahead and requires patience and persistence.
But if you truly believe he’s the one, then nothing will stop you. This is why I created this website to help determined people like you in finding in true love.
Should I Text My Ex If I Just Want To Be Friends?
Staying in touch with your ex-boyfriend to develop a platonic relationship is not recommended. Ladies, it’s a really bad idea for most of us that usually puts us back in a desperate loophole.
Some of us like to hang on to things and people in our past for comfort and security.
We don’t want to let go of things we love.
For most things, you should hang on to what you love. But if you only have plans to keep your ex as a friend, then that relationship is bound to get awkward and distant once either of you starts dating someone else.
Imagine this, how would your new boyfriend feel if you still share laughs and giggles with your ex who you say is just a friend?
I don’t think it takes a second for your new boyfriend to see that you still have feelings for your ex. Even if you say you don’t, the chemistry is still there.
The suspicion from your boyfriend is there. And the more you defend the fact that you are just friends with your ex, the worse it looks.
For the sake of truly moving on and avoiding any unneeded drama, my advice is to reach out to your ex only if you have the intentions of getting back together.
Are You Ready To Text Your Ex?
Okay, you’ve set your mind to win your ex back. But before you do, you need to get prepared for the long road ahead.
Have you gone through the 30 days No Contact Rule? In short, it’s 30 days of alone time where you reflect on your life and enjoy your time being single.
For 30 days, you forget about your ex, relationships, and love.
After you have enjoyed the 30 days, it’s time to start preparing for your game plan to get your ex back. There are two things to work on before you make a single move.
1. A newly improved version of yourself.
2. Your game plan to text your ex back.
It’s easy to slip and say the wrong things when you let your old thoughts cloud your head. If you are not ready, then take a step back and let your urge fade away before you text something you will regret.
It’s a big deal here. You’re trying to make a second first impression to someone who knows you from inside out.
There’s no room to fall short of being wow and blowing your ex away with a new version of you.
Take the time to fulfill your potential.
Once you are ready, you need a game plan to text your ex. I’ve written about a step-by-step guide on how to text your ex. Once you reach this stage, come up with a plan to.
When Should I Text My Ex?
When you are just initiating contact with your ex, there is only one golden rule to follow.
You must have a legitimate reason to text your ex-boyfriend.
Make it easy for yourself and follow this rule to heart.
That being said, there are only two topics you should be texting about.
1. You need some advice or help
Your ex is still someone you trust who can offer you advice to make better decisions. I once dated someone who works in real estate, and he was able to provide a lot of tips on choosing an apartment and which areas were best fit for my lifestyle.
Find a legitimate reason to ask your ex-boyfriend for some advice. It should be something he’s good at and openly to help out. Deep down, he still cares about you, and a quick, easy reply from him should look harmless.
The goal is to get him to reply and see what his response is.
I call these one-off texts. It should be a text quickly asking for some advice that your ex enjoys talking about. The text conversation should only be a few exchanges.
Most importantly, it’s okay if your ex-boyfriend doesn’t reply here. You’re just texting him like an old friend (or an acquaintance), and a reply or not shouldn’t bother you.
2. You want to show some support
It’s hard to get out of the habit of being your ex-boyfriend’s biggest cheerleader, even when the relationship is over. What I found hardest to endure is during holidays or special occasions where my ex and I used to spend time together.
Once we broke up, the idea of spending the upcoming Christmas alone is tough to look forward to without thinking of the good times that’s now gone.
It’s okay to get emotional. It shows that you care.
But it’s not entirely over yet.
You can still text your ex something sincere and helpful during these events. If you used to remind your ex about his mother’s birthday, send him a quick casual text.
Hey, your mother’s birthday is next Thursday. Hope you guys top last year’s celebration. Could you give her my best wishes?
Not only are you showing your support, but you are also always reminding your ex of the timing in case he forgot about the date.
The impulse to check on your ex is good. It shows you have empathy.
Just keep the text short and casual.
3. You want to apologize
An apology goes a long way. But excessive texts of apologies scream desperation and indifference.
One apology is enough.
But how and when should you apologize? There are two periods where I would recommend an apology text.
- A week after the breakup to apologize about the mean things you said.
- A casual apology text when you are on good speaking terms with your ex.
When you are texting your ex-boyfriend on a regular basis, it’s a good idea to casually apologize for the past and how you behaved. Don’t make it a big deal and just quickly acknowledge your fault.
The point here is to show your ex you’ve sincerely moved on and ready to start a new relationship.
Hey, sorry to break the mood. But I just want to apologize for our past. Didn’t mean to say all those untrue things. I’m good now.
It hints about getting back together. But it also showcases your new side, a sincere woman who is ready for a new adventure.
That being said, let’s look at some moments when you shouldn’t text your ex.
When You Shouldn’t Text Your Ex
Texting your ex is a controlled process. Regardless of how casual your texts look, it requires the practice of timing and choice of words to get the right feedback. It seems easy, but it takes some practice to create the right text.
If you’re not sure where to start, I’ve written a lot of articles on how to text your ex on my blog. This is where you start.
That being said, there are certain topics and moments that I strongly advise my coaching clients and readers not to talk about. It doesn’t matter if you’re sending your first text or you are sending messages regularly. Just keep these topics off limit until you have met your ex in person and everything feels right.
1. You are lonely
If you are feeling lonely, don’t text your ex. Text your friend or family instead. Your ex is the last person who wants to know you’re lonely. In fact, he might think it’s a trap! Don’t let your ex be the answer to curing your loneliness.
2. You’re looking for a booty call
Regardless of how harmless a booty call with your ex is, don’t try to be a doormat. It’s not worth it, girl. You are better than that. And a booty call is not going to help you get back with your ex.
You’re just making it easier for him to get into your pants, not your heart.
You want a man to respect you. Not someone you train to call at midnight and asking for some late night fun.
3. You’re nostalgic
When you’re processing your breakup and moving on, this period can be emotional. Everything you see, hear, or pass by can bring a little nostalgia about your relationship.
Even the scent of cinnamon at a local shop could bring in so many conversations to your mind if it were something you and your ex shared together.
But since the relationship is over, keep the nostalgia to yourself. While it may trigger great memories for you, it might not be the same for your ex. He might be trying hard to move on, but a text from you to remind him of the past is the last thing he wants to hear.
I know. Your intentions are pure and casual. But a nostalgic text is like a dagger to your ex’s heart when you both know it’s over.
Keep these feelings to yourself until you are on good talking terms with your ex.
When He’s Mad At You
If you know your ex is mad at you, stay away and give him space. That’s the best thing you can do for each other.
Don’t try to jump in and apologize or reason with him. He doesn’t want to hear from you, period. This includes sending a text asking him if he’s still mad at you.
Believe me, I’ve had some clients in the past where they send texts to ask if their ex is still mad at them.
Hey, are you still mad at me? If so, I’m really sorry. Please let me know what I can do to help.
It’s crazy why anyone would send a text like this! But it’s quite common with a desperate mindset. One client explained to me that the reason she wanted to send a similar text is that she wanted to help. She saw an opportunity to come into her ex’s attention and wanted to be there for him to ease the pain.
What she didn’t realize is that she’s the pain in his heart. Any comment from her is only going to add fuel to her ex’s anger.
The only thing you can do is give him time and space. He’s not in the right mindset yet, so there’s no need to waste your efforts.
First Thing In The Morning or Late At Night
Just imagine your ex seeing your text first thing in the morning or the last thing before he goes to bed. Regardless of what the message is, the timing adds a layer of intimacy to it. Your messages become more personal and can backfire if your ex gets a bad vibe from it.
I hope I’m not putting ideas in your head! But my best advice is to avoid sending a message at these two time periods. You want to get to that level of intimacy, but that doesn’t happen until you two are comfortable with each other.
It’s hard to pinpoint a time, but the best hack is to wait for your ex to text you at these times. Then you’ll know for sure you are in the zone.
For now, send your texts during lunch or after work. Try to avoid business hours in case your ex is busy and doesn’t come around to your text.
What If My Ex Doesn’t Reply?
My rule of thumb is: never to expect a reply for your ex. Have a “whatever” attitude when it comes to waiting for an answer. It makes your life easier and your heart lighter.
Don’t hold your breath and wait for him to respond. Even if you feel your chances are high.
There could be a million reason why your ex didn’t reply. Maybe he got distracted and never gotten around to replying.
It’s also possible that he’s taking a step back because he’s surprised that things are going so well and too fast for him. He might be a little hesitant but just let him reply at his own pace.
As long as you have a “no strings attached” mindset to texting, you are always on the winning side. Just go about your day with a smile on your face.
The ball is in your ex’s hand to make the next move.
Should I Text Him If He’s Dating?
If your ex-boyfriend is dating someone else, it depends on the situation and how far along their relationship is. But before you go on thinking you can still text your ex, have some consideration and courtesy for your ex’s current girlfriend.
We still need to act with class girl.
Keep in mind that you are the “ex” here and it is much easier for your ex-boyfriend to drop communication any minute to make his girlfriend happy.
So be classy and only have a legitimate reason to text him.
Should I Text My Ex If We Haven’t Talked For A While?
If you haven’t talked to your ex-boyfriend in over a year or he’s moved to another city, send him a one-off text to see if he will respond.
No rule says you can’t and shouldn’t text an ex that you’ve lost contact with for a long time. In fact, it could be a good thing for you two to reconnect.
All the emotional pain is gone. The wounds have healed. A lot is water under the bridge.
But what should you text to break the ice? How about a greeting like this.
Hey, I just bumped into Alex yesterday, and he told me you moved to Atlanta. How is it?
Nothing too fancy, just a casual text asking your ex how he is doing.
Can I Text Him Right After Our Breakup?
It depends on how bad the breakup was. I would advise our clients to wait a few days or a full week to let the emotional stress fade away.
What should you text when both of you are so fragile?
An apology text.
Send a short text to apologize for the breakup fight and that you didn’t mean for things to go down like that.
Hey, I just wanted to apologize for how things went the other day. I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I feel bad about it.
Only Text Your Ex To Get Back Together
There’s only one reason why you want to reconnect with your ex, to get back together. I’ve met some clients who want to stay friends with their ex. But trust me, that relationship gets awkward once one of you starts dating someone else.
Don’t dig a rabbit hole that ends in jealousy.
Texting doesn’t need to be hard. With a solid game plan and templates to follow, your chances of getting a good response from your ex are imminent.