Updated: November, 2019
Getting texts from your ex, and you’re not sure what to do about it?
I get it. It’s a nerve-wracking moment that looks to turn your new life upside down again. Just when you’ve recovered from the breakup, your ex-boyfriend pops up out of the blue and sends a message like the old days.
One word. That’s all it takes to ruin your day and possibly sabotage your recovery process. The rush of excitement, anger, and confusion occupies your mind. You’re shaken by the emotions and memories of the breakup with someone who broke your heart.
What do you do?
Nothing. Stay calm and happy, and go about your day. If you’re planning to get back together with your ex, then this is a good sign. He’s missing you and just opened a window of opportunity to get in touch.
So relish it. It’s validation that you’re still on your ex-boyfriend’s mind.
Don’t rush to respond, though. Take your time to come up with something sassy to get his attention. I’ve always found it more empowering to reply and leave the ball back in my ex’s court than ignoring the text. Somehow, not responding to a text bothers me more as I think about it all day.
I find it exhausting to think about all the possibilities and questions of why my ex is contacting me.
Why is he texting me?
Is something wrong?
What does he want?
So why resist when you can reply politely and settle your nerves?
Even if the relationship and breakup were bad, don’t let that text haunt you. Just reply with something short and direct that you are not interested in keeping in touch.
Why Your Ex Might Be Texting You Again
There are many reasons why your ex-boyfriend suddenly pops back into your radar. A lot depends on how your relationship went and who initiated the breakup.
In general, men get attached more easily than women and tend to keep tabs on the people they’ve fallen in love with. Your ex tends to keep you in his network and feels he has the right to pop back into your life whenever he pleases.
With social media and messaging apps embedded in our lives now, it’s easier for your ex-boyfriend to keep track of your life. Using texts to reach out to you is a low-risk way to see if you will respond without embarrassing himself.
It’s safe and effortless to send a text, with very little humiliation if the text is ignored.
All good for his ego.
Ex Broke Up With You
This is so confusing! Why is your ex texting you when he’s the one who dumped you? Right?!
Out of nowhere, he sends a quick text asking how you are doing, and you’re sitting there, baffled at what this a-hole wants when he’s shattered your heart and left you to start over with a new life.
Who does he think he is to jump back into your life like that?
Before you get all defensive and furious, don’t let one text bother you. Don’t let it rattle you and haunt you for the rest of the day. Once you know the reasons why your ex-boyfriend may be texting you, there’s really nothing to it.
Below are a few reasons why he may be reaching out.
Your ex misses you.
This is one of the most common reasons. Your ex is starting to get sentimental and reflects on the relationship. But don’t go soft on him yet, ladies. By sentimental, he’s most likely missing the romantic and sexual parts of the relationship.
His text might not directly scream for a booty call, but if you know your ex-boyfriend well, I’m sure you can read his mind. Some guys will send a casual “Hey” to test the water first. Depending on your response, they will reel you in with their sexual motive.
Your ex-boyfriend just wants to be friends.
Being friends is a “friendly” way of keeping you in your ex’s orbit. I’m not a big fan of being friends with your ex simply because the platonic relationship gets complicated and awkward once you get close but not dating.
Where do you draw the line with the friendship?
Ask yourself why your ex-boyfriend wants to be friends. Keep in mind that he dumped you and probably wants something from you.
If it’s a booty call for old times’ sake, politely reject with a text indicating you’ve moved on.
He feels guilty about the breakup.
If this is the reason why your ex-boyfriend is texting you, then you might have someone genuine to consider getting back with. It’s easy for men to turn a corner and forget about their past relationship.
Stone cold in their hearts like you never existed.
But if your ex has the intent to make sure you’re doing okay and checks up on you, you should reciprocate with the same appreciation.
The problem here is that it may take a second or third text to get to your ex’s true intentions. Therefore, stick it out with a few exchanges and see if your ex is going to apologize or express some sincerity.
If your ex-boyfriend wants to make things right, good for him. He may be doing it to clear his conscience, or in case you run into each other, but at least he’s strong enough to man up and set things right.
He made a mistake.
After some time apart, your ex-boyfriend starts to realize that he made a mistake of breaking up with you. Maybe the reason he broke up with you seem temporary and not so bad at all once he’s had some time to reflect and see the bigger picture.
After all, you’re a gem.
And now he feels like a douche for letting you slip away.
The first text from your ex may not imply his intention. Keep your text messages positive and open, so he has the chance to slip in an apology and reveal his intentions.
Remember, your ex-boyfriend is texting you to test the waters. It takes a big man with a big heart to go back on his decision and reach out to you.
Give a few text exchanges to see if he will reveal his true intentions.
You Broke Up With Your Ex
Now, if you’re the one that broke up with your ex, the reasons why he might reach out to you may be clearer.
He’s looking for closure.
The breakup was unexpected, and your ex is still scrambling around to find answers. You left him with unresolved feelings, and he’s trying to get some clarity to move on.
I know you probably don’t want to spill the hard truth and hurt your ex anymore. But give him something to work with so he can move on.
Your Ex Is bored.
Your ex-boyfriend is probably sitting at home and just fishing for attention. If he’s texting you at night, it looks like a booty call.
Maybe he’s chatting on Messenger with a few friends and thought it’s harmless to go ahead and send you a quick text. Even if you don’t reply, your ex still is occupied with other chats.
Another reason is that your ex-boyfriend is feeling sentimental. Something popped up on tv and made him think of you. At the spur of the moment, your ex-boyfriend decides to check up on you.
So why is he texting you?
Not Sure Why He’s Texting? Just Ask.
Here’s the simple answer that’s going to cure your headache instantly before you waste your day trying to conjure the reasons.
Hi, I’m surprised to hear from you. Everything okay?
That’s it. Start with something simple and end with a question that seeks your ex’s intent. Depends on his reply, you can choose whether to ignore him or continue the conversation.
Don’t try to read his mind and make assumptions. It creates stress and ruins your progress as you backtrack, trying to figure out what your ex wants.
Just ask your ex directly. Don’t let him beat around the bush.
Should I Respond Or Ignore?
Remember this, you can choose to ignore your ex’s text message. You have the right to do so and shouldn’t feel bad about leaving your ex hanging if it makes you feel better and safe to ignore the guy that put you through an unhealthy and abusive relationship, by all means, cut off all communication.
It’s not worth your well-being, especially when you’ve spent so much time to recover.
On the other hand, if you are toying with the idea to get back together, then texting your ex is a great way to gauge his interest and what he’s looking for.
For sure, you can play hard to get and ignore your ex’s text for a few days or a week. Just don’t leave him hanging for a few weeks every time he texts. He might take it as a sign that it’s not worth the effort seeing how you’re reciprocating.
I like to respond to texts so that the ball is always back on the other person’s court. It makes me think more about the text and the hidden messages if I leave it unanswered.
If I walk you through my thoughts, you’d think I’m crazy to think so much over a few sentences.
Even if you don’t know or don’t want to reply to your ex, a courtesy reply makes you the bigger person and helps you get a good night’s sleep.
Plus, it won’t be awkward for you if one day you run into your ex at an event and having to lie about why you didn’t reply.
What kind of texts should I send?
In the next section, I will show you some common texts you will get from your ex with some ideas on how to respond to them. I like to keep my texts sassy and upbeat to indicate that I’m doing good.
The messages should be neutral so that I’m not signaling anything about relationships or getting back together. Sometimes, I like to throw in a question for my ex if I want to keep the conversation going and put the pressure back on him to reply.
The key is to keep your texts open and never let it bother you if you don’t get a reply.
You know you have better things to do than wait for a response.
4 Texts From Your Ex To Prep For
Below are three texts you can bet on getting from your ex. The images of each type of text are examples of funny and hilarious replies from people sharing their posts on TextsFromYourEx on Instagram.
Don’t follow the examples. They are just for laughs showing how people can really put their ex in their place.
I will include an example of how I would respond to each type of text from your ex.
1. The “Hey” Text
Hey. One word, and it throws you off for the rest of the day. What does he want? Why is he texting? A million questions and emotions run through your mind trying to decipher your ex’s intentions.
Don’t let this happen to you.
Reply with a simple “hey” back and nothing more. This throws the ball back into your ex’s court and lets him know that he’s got some of your attention. If you also want to throw him off, then send your reply immediately. Your ex won’t be expecting it and would start to rethink why he’s reaching out.
The quicker you reply to his “Hi” text, the less it’ll bother you throughout your day. Don’t overthink this one-word text. In fact, delete it from your phone once you’ve replied, so you don’t look at it over again.
What if your ex doesn’t text back?
It doesn’t matter. Maybe you did throw him off, and he needs more time to think about what (and how) he wants to say. Perhaps he thinks you’re easily accessible because you replied so quickly.
You’re merely diffusing his greeting text and getting to the main point. That second text is where you can wait and reply at your discretion.
2. The Booty Call Text
The 1 am text asking you if you want to get together for something casual. Total d**k move by your ex, thinking he still has the power to call for a hookup.
Most of the time, feel free to ignore these texts, especially if it’s late at night. Not sending a message is the best message you can send to your ex. It’ll drive him crazy that he’s been ignored by someone who he thinks he can get their attention easily.
Not this time.
Now, if the “booty call” text doesn’t sound too rude and direct, you can try and send a text to indicate that you’ve moved on.
Sorry, that’s not going to happen. You should get some sleep.
At least this lets your ex-boyfriend know that he needs to respect you and needs to take you seriously.
Put him in his place by being direct and polite.
3. The “I Miss You” Text
If your ex texts you saying they miss you, most of the time, it’s a booty call. Their text may sound polite and genuine, but 90% of the time, “catch up” means sex.
Not going to lie to you.
If this the first text your ex-boyfriend sends to you, here’s a reply you can try:
Hey, I’m surprised to hear from you. Hope things are well. I got a lot going on now. What’s up?
Let him know you’re open to texting, but you’re not ready to meet up in person yet. This stops him at his path of looking for a quick hookup. If the guy is genuinely missing you, he can express it in words.
4. The Angry “I Hate You” Text
The breakup is still fresh in your ex-boyfriend’s head, and he’s having a hard time moving on. I don’t blame him, and neither should you. Most of us take months to recover and get back on our feet completely.
If your ex is having trouble moving on, he might send a few anger texts. Should you reply?
Don’t add fuel to the fire. Just let him lash it out even if it is hurtful or not. Sooner or later, your ex-boyfriend might come back to those angry texts he sent you and start apologizing for his behavior.
The important thing is not to let these angry texts get to you. Understand why you’re receiving it and just let it go. Don’t send an apology text because it will only add more frustration from your ex.
You’re the last person he wants to hear from. Directly replying may just ignite a text fight.
Don’t Be Intimidated By Texts From Your Ex
The biggest takeaway from all of this: don’t make it a big deal.
If you get a text from your ex, defuse it as quickly as possible and move on with your day. Don’t let it settle in the back of your head and distract you from your current lifestyle.
It’ll get to you and consume your energy and time.
Remember, your ex-boyfriend is reaching out for a reason. It’s your goal to get him to reveal that reason as quickly as possible.
The best way is to be direct and sassy with your replies.