Updated: October, 2019
Can you imagine what breakups were like back before cell phones? Back before you would spend days wondering what to text your ex to get him back?
I mean, just picture it for a minute. You have this massive blowup with your boyfriend, he storms out and calls it quits, and then you can’t get a hold of your best friend to cry to because she isn’t home and people only have landlines for communication. Not only that, but when you think of a handful things you wish you had said to him in your fight, you can’t just pick up the phone and tell them to him right then – because he probably isn’t home yet himself.
OK, so maybe that part is a good thing.
But then, when you start missing him, what are you supposed to do? You can’t conjure up texts to send your ex to get him back. There is no social media, no cell phones, no easy way to work your way back into his life. You’re just… stranded in your grief and regret.
How did people do it?
The good news is, you don’t have to know. Technology has made it that much easier to reconnect after a breakup, and the right text messages to get your ex boyfriend back do exist.
In fact, the number one “Get Ex Back” program is based on text messaging. Text Your Ex Back is a proven texting blueprint that helps you win the love of your life back with one text message at a time. I’ve written a detailed review of this effective program and how it can help you re-establish a new connection with your ex and create a better relationship.
Of course, you will be able to craft the right message and master how to get your ex boyfriend back over text.
And you have the technology to redefine your faith with a push of a button.
That’s right, your cell phone can be a conduit to your reconciliation. Unfortunately, in the beginning at least, it can sometimes do more harm than good. In fact, in those first few weeks after a breakup – trying to figure out what to text your ex boyfriend to get him back should be the last thing on your mind.
I know this girl, we’ll call her “Jane” (protecting the not-so-innocent and all of that). Anyway, when Jane and her boyfriend broke up, I was sure she was going to be one of the strong ones. She just had that whole independent, self-assured, woman thing going for her. But instead, she fell apart; texting him all hours of the day, vacillating between begging for another chance and picking fights.
Even in the midst of all this chaos, she was obsessively Googling “Text Messages to Make Your Ex Want You Back” and asking everyone she knew what to say next.
Sadly, it didn’t result in reconciliation. But it did result in a restraining order.
Look ladies, now is when I need you to acknowledge some irrefutable scientific facts – breakups will eff with your head. They can twist even the most put-together woman all up, turning her into someone she doesn’t recognize. So while your cell phone can be your ultimate salvation in this, it isn’t going to do you any good at first.
In fact, during those initial few weeks, you would actually be better off living back in the cell-phone free era. Back before the question of how to get your ex back over text even existed.
But instead, you live here. Which means you may need to get creative, sometimes even intentionally leaving your cell at home so that you aren’t even tempted to text your ex. The time will come when you will be able to do just that, but if you really want to get your ex back through texting – you need to resist and have zero contact with him today.
And while you’re in a no contact phase, practice some self reflecting and see whether it’s a good idea to get back with your ex.
Open The Door
Once you’ve made it through that initial no-contact phase, your opportunity for reaching out has arrived. Hallelujah, you can finally rescue your phone from exhalation!
But now that you have that treasured piece of technology back in your hands, what should you text to get your ex back?
The answer to that question will vary depending on your relationship, but you want that first text to be something that will make him smile. No drama. No fuss. You don’t even necessarily need to be asking a question. Just a simple line letting him know he is on your mind, hopefully reminding him of better times. Those are the text messages that will make him want you back.
A few perfect examples are:
Remember that party we went to over Halloween weekend? I just ran into the chick who was dressed up like Octomom. She still seemed crazy. But it made me smile, thinking of you.
Breakfast at Tiffanies is playing on the big screen. Couldn’t help but think of you and that morning we spent all day in bed watching it and drinking coffee… Hope all is well.
My boss signed me up for the company softball league. You should probably call him and tell him about that disastrous date we had at the batting cages. I don’t think he realizes what he’s done.
The goal is to put a smile on his face. If you have done your job and followed the no-contact rule up to now, the combination of curiosity on his part and happy memories conjured up by you will lead him to text back.
But even if he doesn’t, you have at least planted a seed.
Subtlety is Key
Your ex boyfriend is undoubtedly going to be wondering what your motivation for texting is. You don’t want to clue him into that just yet though. Avoid being too forward at this point. Don’t ask him to get together or inquire about his current dating status. You want to keep your former flame guessing here.
Remember my friend Jane? The mistake she would have made at this point is assuming that if he texts back, he must be equally interested in getting back together. That isn’t always the case though. In fact, sometimes they just respond back out of pure curiosity.
So Jane’s inclination to use this first conversation as a jumping off point for texting a multi-paragraph “I miss you” ode is not the way to go. In fact, when Jane did just that (instead of listening to the resounding “no” from her friends when she asked “Should I text my ex boyfriend?”) her ex screen-shotted the whole thing and posted it to his Facebook page.
Instead, keep your cool and let the conversation flow naturally. Rather than texting things like:
I miss you.
I still love you.
Can we try again?
Try messages like:
You’ve been on my mind. How are you?
I heard from Steve that you got that promotion. I know you worked so hard for it. Congratulations!
I finally read that book you were so excited about. You were right, it’s amazing.
Do you see the difference? You are still expressing a vibe of caring, but you aren’t necessarily showing all your cards. Your ex will be wondering what your motive is, and in wondering that – he will want to keep the conversation going until he can figure you out.
Simple text messages to get your ex back are the way to go.
Give Him An Opening
Your initial text shouldn’t have a question to it. You don’t want to make it seem like you are goading him into a conversation. But once he responds to that, you can encourage a conversation with a few questions in the texts that follow.
Consider asking him about his job, his roommates, or anything else you may have shared in the past and are hoping for an update on. Once the conversation is going, some of the best texts to get your ex back might be:
I saw the neighbor walking her bulldog and immediately thought of you. Are you still thinking of getting one?
How did that class you were so frustrated with turn out?
Graduation is coming up – is your sister getting excited?
Do not ask about his current dating status though. Your questions should be enough to guide a conversation and prompt him to respond, but nothing that will seem too heavy or give your intentions away too early. In fact, don’t ask about anything relationship-oriented at all.
That would be a Jane move. And remember, you’re cooler than Jane.
Leave the Conversation Hanging
After all that, you do not want to be the last to text. Text messages that get your ex back are the ones that open the doors to communication but don’t focus on closing the deal. So look for an opportunity to duck out of the conversation. No warning or official goodbye, just silence on your end.
Now, you want to be careful with this. If he asks you a direct question, you obviously want to respond. But the second he texts something that could go by without a reply on your end, let the conversation die.
I know this goes against your instincts. You are finally talking to him and you want to keep the conversation going forever!
But you can’t. Not if you want to keep him guessing and wondering what you may be thinking. You have to let the conversation end, and you have to let him be the last one to text.
As far as I know, there are no studies that have been done on this, but I swear there must be some sort of psychological force that pulls people back to a conversation where they were the last to reply. Your ex will find himself staring back at his phone again and again, trying to figure out if he’s going to hear from you again or not.
This is why restraining from continuing to text your ex is just as important as learning how to text him. You will suddenly be on his mind in a way you haven’t been for weeks. He won’t be able to stop thinking about you and trying to analyze your intentions in texting him in the first place.
And that is how you will have sucked him back in.
Because trust me, it won’t be long before he reaches out again. And this time – the ball will be 100% in your court.
Make Your Play
It may be a few days before you get another text from your ex boyfriend, but he will get in touch again. Most likely he will be employing the same method you did; bringing up some distant memory and inciting a smile on your end. Reply back in the same tone you were using before – light and flirty.
Remember, the best text message to get your ex back is one that leaves him smiling.
But this time, after a few texts back and forth, you can make a move for actually seeing him. You want to make this look like something completely non-committal though – just your desire to get together with an old friend and nothing more. Perfect examples of things to text your ex to get him back at this stage are:
Hey, I’m about to run into a meeting, but do you want to get coffee this week? I would love to catch up more!
You are cracking me up! I’ve had the longest day too, so thanks – I needed the smile. Don’t suppose you’re up for happy hour? I wouldn’t hate hearing more about your new job!
Did you see who is coming in for a book signing on Saturday? I was going to go, but do you want to join? Nobody else appreciates his writing the way you do! Maybe we could grab lunch after and catch up?
Again, this isn’t a desperate plea for reconciliation. It is instead a friendly invitation – no strings and no pressure.
But it is enough to get you face to face, which is the first step in finding your way back to each other. All because you were born in an era of cell phones and technology, giving you the chance to create that opening in the first place.