First of all, congratulations if you’ve survived the No Contact Rule. It doesn’t matter if it’s 30 or 60 days, or longer. You’ve made it out of breakup recovery feeling like a confident person. For some women like me, we may still have the urge to text our ex. Even after a month of the silent treatment, somehow, that’s one of the things on our agenda to tick off.
So what to text your ex after no contact?
Well, it depends. What you want to text your ex depends on your intentions. After the No Contact period, you should not have any hard feelings about your breakup. So if looking for answers, revenge, or an ego boost, my advice is to avoid it.
This is a huge mistake to open up old wounds (even if it’s only been a month) and stir up tensions again with your ex. If you’re only looking for an opportunity to have a conversation with your ex, that makes sense.
Unless you’ve been ignoring each other for months, the chances of bumping into each other are fairly low. If you’re not sure what to text your ex, I suggest having a friendly conversation rather than a heated argument.
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Before I share a few proper (and powerful) texts you can send to your ex after no contact, let’s go over a few etiquette rules. Yes, as much as you want to sound sweet or vindictive, the key is to be as casual as possible. The first text is a huge step in reconnecting and will dictate the communication you have with your ex-boyfriend later.
Therefore, the key is not sound like you have any intentions to get back together or revenge. You’re simply engaging in a friendly conversation.
When you’re texting your ex after no contact, don’t text him first. I know that can be hard to do if you’re dying inside from your breakup, but the idea is to remain as casual as possible. So once you’ve decided to message him, wait for him to respond first. In this situation, I highly recommend using a smiley face emoticon or a heart – something that shows you have no hard feelings.
So here are a few text suggestions. These are general ideas where you should tweak them to fit your style and purpose.
“Hi, Hope things are going well for you. I was thinking about you thought maybe we could meet for coffee sometime.”
“Hey, Just wanted to say how I hated how things ended between us. Would like to meet to clear things up a bit. I understand if you’re not up for it.”
“Hey, just wanted to say congrats on your promotion! I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I’m really proud of you. We should grab a beer to celebrate, my treat :)”
“Hey [ex’s name], it’s been a while. Are you still in the city? I was thinking of grabbing some lunch together.” Let me know.
“Hi, I was thinking about you. Would be great to catch up sometime. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.”
“Hey, just found out Maroon 5 is going on tour in July. Thought this might be your chance to see them live. Hope all is well.”
“Hey, remember that Italian restaurant hidden on the corner of 5th? What was it called? I’m hoping to go back this weekend, but I don’t know the name of it. Hope all is well.”
See the pattern of these texts. All of them are casual with a question. Having a question in a text gives your ex-boyfriend a chance to reply. But don’t hold your breath. If your former flame isn’t ready to respond or he’s simply not interested, then it’s best to give him more time and space to come around.
Let’s hope he comes around.
Using memories to generate a response is usually a good strategy. It allows your ex to think about the positive memory and reevaluate his impression of you. It could also be funny memories that remind your ex that you two could be in a healthy relationship if negative feelings can be erased.
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Using the text examples above should help you break the ice. Think so something casual and neutral to say with no intentions to expect a reply from your ex. I know that awkward feeling you’re going through. Even if you’ve known your ex for many years, you’re getting butterflies like it’s the first time talking to him.
Don’t be. Don’t let that nervousness control you. If you don’t know what to do, take the extra time to think and craft the perfect message. The last thing you want is a text that sending mixed signals to your ex after no contact. It will only confuse him and arouse a whole new set of emotions and bad memories.
Keep in mind that you need to earn your ex’s trust again. It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship, but both of you dealt with the emotional pain and the feeling of loneliness.
So baby steps are the best form of communication to start a conversation with your ex. Make your messages light and easy, and stay away from heavy and difficult conversations.
Use memories to reconnect, but don’t mention the breakup at all. Don’t start an argument or point out what you might have done wrong. You want to give him a chance to miss you as a friend and as his girlfriend. It could also be a chance to realize how much he lost by losing you as his girlfriend.
Don’t push too hard for a reply after he replies to your first text. If you don’t hear from him the following day, give it a few days.
However, if you’re going out of your mind by then and need to hear from him as soon as possible, it’s best to find a distraction. But don’t sound desperate or needy. Try my sample text ideas above and see what happens.
In the meantime, make sure to write down everything that goes through your head about your relationship or breakup. You’ll need those thoughts to cope with the situation you’re in.
My rule of thumb is to wait for your ex to text you first. Let him reach out and initiate contact. The longer you can maintain radio silence, the more it appears that the breakup has little effect on you. After all, it would seem a little orchestrated to text your ex-boyfriend exactly 30 days after the split.
If you’re feeling the urge to text your ex-boyfriend first, wait a couple of weeks and see if he will break the silence and reach out. That being said, you can also open all lines of communication to signal to your ex that you’re open to talking again. This might be an excellent opportunity to replace negative memories with positive ones.
Women generally feel the urge more than men if they are the ones dumped. We tend to hold on to the deepest pain longer and seek answers for the cause. Men tend to move on faster and let go of bad feelings faster.
Wait. Let him text you first. The best thing to do is let him reach out and initiate a conversation with you. However, if you still feel the urge to send a message, then try the messages below. They will soften your ex up and help you get a response from him faster.
“Hey, It’s been a while! I just wanted to say hi, and I’m thinking about you! I hope things are going well. ”
“Hi, How has life been treating you? Hope life is good, and you’re doing great.”
“Hey, What have you been up to the past last few months? I’ve been really busy, and I’ve missed you! Hope everything is going well for you.”
If your ex doesn’t respond, don’t take it as a bad sign. He might be busy with work, or he might be busy with his social life. If you don’t hear from him for a couple of days, I wouldn’t worry much about it.
However, if you feel like you’re going crazy or if your ex is ignoring you entirely after several weeks, then I highly recommend trying the text messages below:
“Hi, How have things been treating you lately? Hope life is treating you well and hope all is well. ”
“Hey, It’s been a while! I hope things are treating you well. How are you doing? ”
“Hey, Hope all is well with you. How have things been treating you lately?”
Asking questions or expressing concern allows your ex to think about the relationship without the pressure of feeling the need to respond right away. It will help him to think about his recent activities and feel relieved of guilt.
If you’re desperate to talk to your ex, then try the text below. It will get him thinking about the relationship, and he will reply.
“Hey [ex’s name], Just wanted to see how things have been treating you lately. I hope all is well with you. ”
Stay away from heavy conversations on what went wrong in the relationship. This is the time to focus more on positive memories of his presence or what he did for you throughout your relationship. Also, please don’t start an argument or try to make him jealous. You want to give him a chance to miss you as a friend and as his girlfriend.
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It could also be a chance to realize how much he lost by losing you as his girlfriend.
This is not the time to make him feel bad about himself. It will only make him avoid you all the more. Set your feelings aside and put out lighthearted messages that are positive and hopeful about your future together.
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